The Square Root Of Idiocy

An Ohio student was suspended from school and investigated by police after he said a square root sign looked like a gun.

The Allen Parish Sheriff’s Department responded to a comment that an Oberlin High School student made about the square root symbol looking like a gun.

Allen Parish School District Superintendent Michael Doucet explained that it was a poorly judged quip between one student to another in a math class.

“A student made a math symbol of a square root sign, which kind of looks like a pistol. And he was helping a weaker student, and the student says, ‘Well, that looks like a pistol!’ And he just made a comment [like] ‘let’s just get to work before I shoot you with a pistol,” said Superintendent Doucet.

Gossip turned it into a rumor about the student plotting to carry out a mass shooting at Oberlin High School. The rumor warranted a search of the student’s home for guns.

So wait, gossip-turned-rumor is enough probable cause to obtain a search warrant in Ohio? Are you f**king kidding me?

“He did not commit a crime. He did not commit anything remotely criminal, nothing to remotely suggest any intent to do actual harm,” said Hebert.

In response, the school board set a new policy. Any student accused of talking about guns or school shootings will be investigated by three entities: the school board, the sheriff’s department, and the district attorney’s office.

While the student has been completely exonerated by police, Oberlin High School is still banning him from the school. These kinds of Draconian measures will eventually result in an expensive lawsuit.

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Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Yesterday I officially posted a babe from every Olympic sport, so I am finishing out the week with sports doubles. I will not, however, repeat countries, so today’s babe is Finnish hockey player Isa Rahunen.

Isa Rahunen (born April 16, 1993) is a Finnish ice hockey player for Oulun Kärpät and the Finnish national team. She plays defense and participated at the 2017 IIHF Women’s World Championship.

Isa earned a bronze medal in Pyeongchang after beating the Russians, but she earns a daily gold for that bikini body. There are more photos below the fold…

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Whining

Meet Jocelyne Larocque.

Unlike the majority of Canadians, Jocelyne grew up without a firm understanding of decorum, sportsmanship, and class. The result was on display Wednesday when she threw a temper tantrum after losing to the U.S. women’s hockey team.

The USA women’s hockey team won its first gold medal since 1998 after a thrilling shootout victory against Canada late Wednesday night. The win snapped Canada’s run of four-straight Olympic gold medals, and the country’s Jocelyne Larocque was not too happy about it.

After the loss, the Canada participants were awarded with silver medals placed around their neck. But Larocque immediately took hers off, and continued to not wear it for the rest of the ceremony. She told reporters after the game why she didn’t want to wear the second-place medal.

While lacrosse is Canada’s national sport – a fact I adore – hockey is king. What kind of message does this send to young girls just getting into the sport?

Last year, Erik’s soccer team took second place in a tournament. After the trophies were given out, he turned to a teammate and said, “Second place is just the first loser.” He said it as a joke, but he knows if he ever did something like this – at any level – I would end him.

Yes, you play to win, and yes, you give it your all, but true losers aren’t the athletes who fail to win; they’re the ones who cannot lose gracefully.

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Today’s babe is a wonderfully talented Dutch treat: Netherlands speed skater Suzanne Schulting.

Suzanne Schulting (born 25 September 1997) is a Dutch short track speed skater. She competed in the women’s 500 metres at the 2018 Winter Olympics.

Schulting started doing short track speed skating when she was 8 years old, in Thialf, Heerenveen. She won the gold medal in the 1500m event at the 2016 World Junior Championships in Sofia.[2] She studies at the NTI Leiden. At the 2018 Winter Olympics she won a bronze medal in the 3000 metre relay.

Suzanne won the gold medal in the 1000m yesterday to complement her bronze medal in the relay. There are more photos below the fold…

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Make Philadelphia A Shithole Again

Larry Krasner, the newly-elected, Soros-backed Philadelphia District Attorney, wants to fundamentally transform the city’s criminal justice system. Mission accomplished.

In yet another headline-grabbing announcement, Philadelphia’s new District Attorney Larry Krasner on Wednesday proclaimed the end of cash bail requirements for low-level offenses effective immediately.

“There is absolutely no reason why someone who will show up for court, is not a flight risk, and is no threat to their neighbors and community, needs to sit in jail for days because they can’t post a small amount of bail,” Krasner said.

The announcement comes three weeks after Philadelphia City Council passed a resolution calling on the DA and state officials to “reduce reliance” on cash bail, which it called a burden on low-income defendants and a purveyor of poverty.

The district attorney’s office will recommend that cash bail not be set for people arrested for one of 25 non-violent offenses outlined by the district attorney’s office. These include driving under the influence, personal use marijuana possession, retail theft, forgery, prostitution and burglary where no one is present.

Now I’m no detective, but last I checked, burglary was a felony. Philadelphia is no longer requiring bail for burglary.

The article doesn’t mention it in the above list, but another of the offenses is resisting arrest. In what universe is someone accused of resisting arrest not a flight risk, and not a threat to the community?

Exit Wounds

In a rare case of my department being ironically timely, I was scheduled for active shooter training yesterday. Unlike the original active shooter training given by the department, this update included simulation rounds, or simunition.

Sim rounds mark you with paint (like paintball rounds), but the projectile travels about 400 feet per second. We had to wear a paintball helmet with a face-mask, our ballistic vest, and groin protection. Some people suggested bringing gloves, but pfft, gloves are for pussies.

During the first scenario, a plainclothes officer comes from behind a screen and walks toward me with a pistol sticking out of his waistband. I don’t see it immediately, but when I do, I draw, and tell him to raise his hands. The officer, obviously playing a bad guy, scrams at me, and draws his pistol. We each fire at each other – he is firing sim rounds, and I am firing blanks. After the first few shots, the supervisor blows her whistle, and the scenario ends.

The supervisor comes toward me and asks, “Are you okay?” Well duh, of course I’m okay, because we’re firing sim- AARGH, THAT F**KING HURTS! I looked down at the pistol and noticed blood on the grip, and in a small puddle on the floor, and the entirety of my left hand.

My first thought was, “When the hell did I get shot?” I never felt the hits, but then again, I was in a high-stress situation. All I remembered was the other shooter, his gun and me firing.

The supervisor gave me some towels to stop the bleeding while she grabbed antiseptic wipes and bandages. The rounds took off a chuck of skin from my middle finger, and a slightly larger chunk from my index finger. I cleaned myself up as best as possible, applied the bandages, and went to the scenarios.

For a few moments, the bandages didn’t take, and blood was running down my fingers, but it wasn’t too terrible. I was, however, shot in my shooting hand, which made racking the pistol slide difficult. You can see above how the blood seeped through the half-assed bandages, and below you can see my fingers when I changed bandages at home.

Thankfully, I was able to finish the course without much discomfort, and spent the rest of yesterday afternoon either lying down or lying in my car at Kyle’s lacrosse practice. I am due back in work tomorrow for a day of one-handed typing, but maybe my sergeant can put me in for a Heroism commendation. I mean, my typing fingers are my livelihood!

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Today’s babe helps us finish out all fifteen sports in the Olympic Games, and it’s safe to say she is one of the hottest women in PeyongChang: Canadian figure skater Tessa Virtue.

Tessa Jane Virtue (born May 17, 1989) is a Canadian ice dancer. With partner Scott Moir, she is the 2010 Olympic Gold Medalist, the 2014 Olympic Silver Medalist, three-time World Champion), three-time Four Continents Champion, the 2016–17 Grand Prix Final Champion, eight-time Canadian National Champion and the 2006 World Junior Champion. Virtue and Moir are the 2014 Olympic silver medalists and the 2018 Olympic gold medalists in the team event.

Tessa is also a gold medalist in the Fabulous Babe event. There are more photos below the fold…

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Flatulence Forces Flight Fight

A Transavia Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s farts poisoned the cabin.

The fart-induced fracas happened Feb. 11 aboard Transavia Airlines Flight HV6902 when two men sitting next to an apparently very flatulent man raised a stink about his repeated gas attacks.

When the alleged perpetrator didn’t stop, his disgusted seatmates reportedly complained to the airline crew, who apparently did nothing. Instead, the captain issued a warning to the two complainants, accusing them of noisy and aggressive behavior and making threats.

When the freedom-from-flatulence fighters wouldn’t stop griping about their fellow passenger, a fight broke out. The pilots then made an emergency stop in Vienna and removed the complainants, but apparently not the farting man.

I don’t know why there was a problem to begin with. If the man’s flatulence is irritating, just open the damned window!

The (Judicially) Dead Kennedys?

Rumors are again swirling Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy may soon retire. The decision would give President Trump another chance to choose a conservative SCOTUS nomination.

For the second year in a row, rumors that Justice Anthony M. Kennedy may retire from the Supreme Court are sweeping Washington. He is 81, and he is doubtless weighing many factors in deciding whether to stay. Among them, experts in judicial behavior said, are the tug of party loyalty, the preservation of his judicial legacy and how close his retirement would be to a presidential election.

Justice Kennedy has long held the decisive vote in many of the Supreme Court’s most contested and consequential cases, and his retirement would give President Trump the opportunity to move the court sharply to the right. If Justice Kennedy steps down, the confirmation fight over his successor will be titanic.

Dear #NeverTrumpers, THIS is exactly why conservatives voted for Donald Trump. If we listened to you and your ilk, Hillary Clinton would be preparing to nominate another leftist moonbat in the mold of Ginsburg or Kagan, and conservative America would be mourning the death of this country.