Sunday Services

This week’s services revolve around the first British woman I ever fell for: the lovely, talented, and indescribably delicious Helena Bonham Carter.

Helena Bonham Carter CBE (26 May 1966) is an English actress. She is known for her roles in both low-budget independent art films and large-scale blockbusters. She was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress for her role as Kate Croy in The Wings of the Dove (1997). For her role as Queen Elizabeth in The King’s Speech (2010), she was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress and won the BAFTA Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role.

Bonham Carter began her film career, playing the title character in Lady Jane (1986). Her other film roles include Ophelia in Hamlet (1990), Elizabeth Lavenza in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994), and Marla Singer in Fight Club (1999).

She was made a Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) in the 2012 New Year Honours list for services to drama, and in January 2014, the British prime minister, David Cameron, announced that Bonham Carter had been appointed to Britain’s new national Holocaust Commission.

Helena’s performance as Ophelia in 1990’s Hamlet did it for me. I’ve been mesmerized by her ever since. Truly a classic beauty.

There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services” →

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Hello, Mister Bates

Meet Brian M. Bates of Spring Valley, New York.

Like most of us, Brian likes to have fun. Unlike most of us, his fun revolves around Vaseline and toilet products.

A man with a history of exposing himself in public was arrested after cops found him masturbating in front of women at a Paramus doctor’s office, authorities said.

Brian Bates was charged with criminal open lewdness for the Friday incident at a Ridgewood Avenue office, according to Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg. Officers went to the medical office for a report of a man exposing himself to patients.

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” Ehrenberg said in a statement.

Ugh, how disgusting. Those toilet brush handles are covered in germs!

We’ve Found Boba Fett!

An enormous “Sarlaac Pit” cave has been discovered in Canada, after Ozzie Smith fell into it.

This is a short helicopter flyover of a massive cave discovered in Canada during a routine caribou count (how else?) that researchers believe had never been seen by humans previously. It’s been nicknamed the ‘Sarlaac Pit’, presumably by some Star Wars fan who thinks every hole in the ground looks like a sarlaac pit.

The cave is so big that its mouth alone measures 100 meters (328 feet) by 60 meters (197 feet). But most remarkably of all, experts believe that despite its gigantic size, it is the very first time the cave has been seen by human eyes.

[Geologist Catherine] Hickson suspects that until very recently, the area would have been covered in snow all year round, which would have masked the mouth of the cave and kept it hidden. Between the snow and its less than practical location, the cave has managed to remain free of humans – until this chance discovery.

The location of the cave…is being kept under wraps, at least for the time being. The researchers hope this will help protect the (as of now) untouched natural wonder and offer experts a chance to examine it closer.

Video of the cave’s interior is below the fold…

Continue reading “We’ve Found Boba Fett!” →

Calling In A Prayer Strike

Regular commenter, caption contest wizard, and my longtime internet friend Toothy received some bad news recently. It seems his lovely bride has been diagnosed with cancer.

I don’t need to remind everyone what a despicable disease that is, especially with my diagnosis arriving Monday. It destroys families, and wreaks havoc on not only the patients but their loved ones.

It’s taken me a long time to realize blog readers are not just random strangers looking for entertainment; they’re effectively family. I’ve come to know many of you both on and off the blog, and I consider you guys my friends and family. Toothy falls in the latter category. We met when I was running my original blog, way back in 2005. We’ve emailed and commented back and forth for thirteen years, and talked about everything from guns to babes to politics. He’s a good man.

Toothy’s wife is a good woman; someone who should never receive a diagnosis like this. Please take some time today – and every day from here on out – to pray for Mrs. Toothy. Please.

And Toothy, whatever you need from me, you got it. Say the word. I’ve already made it through the Ohio Turnpike once without a scratch. 🙂

You’ll Find He’s Full Of Surprises

Meet Luke Sky Walker of Tennessee. Luke was given a heroic name, but his actions reflect those of Greedo or Doctor Evazan.

Luke Sky Walker, 21, was arrested Thursday by police in Elizabethton, Tennessee, for a probation violation in connection with a felony theft charge. The jailbird namesake of the Jedi master was then taken into custody at the Probation and Parole Office before being taken to the Carter County Detention Center.

Even Mark Hamill — who played Luke Skywalker in the iconic “Star Wars” film series — commented that the arrest was a little out of this world.

“The real crime here is Mr. & Mrs. Walker saddling this poor guy with that name in the first place,” Hamill tweeted early Sunday. “#MisbegottenMoniker”

In a few years, Luke will have the death sentence on twelve systems.

Day Of Infamy

Seventy-seven years ago today, the Empire of Japan attacked the U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. A staggering 2,335 were killed – nearly half from the crew of the USS Arizona.

In the wake of the attack, 15 Medals of Honor, 51 Navy Crosses, 53 Silver Stars, four Navy and Marine Corps Medals, one Distinguished Flying Cross, four Distinguished Service Crosses, one Distinguished Service Medal, and three Bronze Star Medals were awarded to the American servicemen who distinguished themselves in combat at Pearl Harbor. Additionally, a special military award, the Pearl Harbor Commemorative Medal, was later authorized for all military veterans of the attack.

The day after the attack, Roosevelt delivered his famous Infamy Speech to a Joint Session of Congress, calling for a formal declaration of war on the Empire of Japan. Congress obliged his request less than an hour later. On December 11, Germany and Italy declared war on the United States, even though the Tripartite Pact did not require it. Congress issued a declaration of war against Germany and Italy later that same day.

Five ships were sunk, thirteen were damaged, and the United States was drawn into World War II.

Happy Fri(es)day

A British man was stopped by police after speeding past an unmarked police car. The suspect’s excuse was something you’d expect out of Florida, not Sheffield.

A driver is counting the cost of a very expensive McDonald’s after his car was seized when he was caught speeding.

The motorist told officers that he was concerned that his food might get cold after he overtook an unmarked police car on a single-track road in Sheffield.

However, after his details were checked it was found that he wasn’t insured so his VW Golf was seized by police.

Look, I love a batch of hot McDonald’s fries just as much as the next person, but it’s certainly not worth losing my car. Well, maybe MY car – it’s a 2007 – but not a newer car.

Hillary Clinton Is A Bitter Old Hag

Drunken, unaccomplished former First Lady Hillary Clinton showed her impeccable manners at George H.W. Bush’s funeral yesterday. The physically and mentally ill woman snubbed First Lady Melania Trump as she greeted the former presidents and their spouses.

Two-time failed Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton snubbed Melania Trump during George H.W. Bush’s funeral Wednesday, refusing to shake her hand or wave at the First Lady after the other former presidents and their wives did.

Melania shook hands with former President Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and former President Bill Clinton as she then waved in the direction of Hillary and former President Jimmy Carter – only to receive a wave back from Carter and an awkward and bitter nod back from Hillary.

But remember, the Never Trump scolds wanted this woman to be your president.

Oh and get this; the Washington Post wrote an article yesterday criticizing President Trump for not reciting the Apostles’ Creed. Maybe I missed it, but when have the leftists at the WaPo ever given a damn about Christianity? Oh right, they’re Defenders of the Faith as long as they can use it to bash the president. Such disgusting people.

The Old College Try

So, this is something I never had to personally deal with before. While waiting for the kids to get out of school, I checked the University of Dallas’ athletics site. Specifically, the lacrosse page, since Kyle had been heavily recruited by the head coach. This is the headline which greeted me:

[Redacted] Resigns as Men’s Lacrosse Head Coach; Returns to Lake Erie College

Panic immediately set in, because the coach was so high on Kyle, and assured him he could see playing time as a freshman. While I played lacrosse in college and coached for more than twenty years, I never had to go through the recruiting process. What did this mean? Is Kyle still being recruited by UD? Will the new coach even be interested in him now?

After spending most of the day stressing out, I sent an email to the athletic director, who we met on the visit. Thankfully, he responded immediately:

Absolutely no change in status recruiting-wise. You are still a valued prospective member of this team. I will be taking over all of the recruiting until we find our replacement. We are going to move very quickly in the process of hiring and I will let you know just as soon as I am able once we’ve made the hire.

Thank. God. Kyle’s choices are narrowed to three schools, and Dallas appeared to be the best fit, both academically and athletically. If nothing else, we were put at ease by the AD’s email, and we’ll have a wait and see approach.