Skip to The Loo

A member of the Hackensack, NJ School Board found herself in hot water when she forgot to turn off her laptop camera while she went to the bathroom.

A Hackensack School Board member who made national headlines by opposing a LGBTC curriculum has resigned after an embarrassing incident during a Zoom meeting.

Frances Cogelja didn’t realize she’d left her laptop camera on when she took it with her while going to the bathroom during the public comments section of a board meeting Monday night. Nearly 150 participants, including students, apparently saw Cogelja relieve herself.

Frances obviously didn’t know the camera was on, so I don’t see how this is a fireable offense. Hackensack is a garbage city filled with leftist a-holes, and since Frances argued against teaching an LGBTC curriculum to children, the board was obviously looking for any excuse to fire her.

A short time later, Vice President Scott James-Vickery reportedly told Cogelja: “You need to go. We’re here trying to get work done while you’re sitting on the toilet.”

James-Vickery is listed as an executive of the United Methodist Church. I guess this hypocrite jackass only practices forgiveness on Sundays.

Personally, I think Frances should have said, “Go f**k yourself. You cannot fire me for going to the bathroom.” Then hired a team of attorneys, and sued the School Board into bankruptcy. Seriously.

As it stands, she submitted her resignation the next day; which is a shame because I think she has a good case here. Also, yes I would bang her like a screen door in a hurricane.

You’ll Miss This In January

The Dow Jones Industrial Average surpassed 30,000 for the first time in history.

While the stock market continued setting records practically uninterrupted under the Trump presidency, a black swan in the form of the coronavirus would ravage global markets this year.

By mid-March the markets had sold-off in response to panic from the coronavirus and economic damage from subsequent lockdowns to the point where they wiped out 100% of gains accrued during Donald Trump’s presidency. But they soon hit an inflection point and rocketed higher, fueled by loose monetary policy and massive fiscal stimulus, alongside the eventual removal of some restrictions.

The Dow peaked just above 29,500 before the pandemic slapped the economy across the face, and now less than a year later, has crossed 30,000 for the first time ever, fueled largely by vaccine optimism.

Enjoy it now people, because the stock market is going to plummet for the next four-plus years. I’m already fixing to move all my deferred compensation money out of mutual funds and placing it into a stable savings fund. I’m not letting this dementia-addled jackass lose all my hard-earned money.

It’s The Holiday Season…

No one in my household gets more excited for Christmas than Kevin. You’d think it would be Princess P, but no, it’s Kevin All The Way. So today I am waking up entirely too early on my day off so Kevin and I can hit the malls and get gifts for his siblings.

Like every year, I suspect Kevin will go WAY overboard.

When I was Kevin’s age, I would scrape whatever money I had and give my brother a bag of M&M’s and maybe some hockey trading cards. Kevin, on the other hand, will try to get everyone a small gift, a medium gift, and a super awesome amazing giant gift. And the kid really puts effort into his choices.

Last year we were in a sports store and he picked out a lamp for Kyle. Not just any lamp; the base was adorned with the Baltimore Orioles logo. Suffice to say, Kyle went crazy for it.

Kevin saves most of his chore money for this time of year, and he’ll drag his wad of cash to the mall with us today. We’ll spend an easy 2-3 hours shopping, but it’s worth it to see him get so happy with his gift choices. Wish us luck.

The Stars At Night Are Big And Bright

An unidentified flying object almost collided with a Boeing 737 as it approached the runway at Leeds Bradford Airport on September 1.

The rogue object came at the packed Boeing 737 plane “almost head on” as pilots prepared to land at Leeds Bradford airport.

The scare on September 1 was rated a ‘Category A’ event by the UK Airprox Board – which monitors and investigates near-miss events. The unidentifiable object – which could have been a drone or lantern – was just 10 feet away from the flight arriving from Spain.

The Airprox report revealed: “Both pilots suddenly saw a bright light and an object which appeared to be moving toward the aircraft, almost head on, slightly up and to the left. “The object appeared without warning and there was no time to act.”

The airliner landed safely before the Cylon raider fired its missiles. Sadly, it destroyed Leeds United’s Elland Road soccer stadium. Eh, no big loss.

Pistol-Packin’ Mama

Newly-elected, smokin’ hot U.S. Representative Lauren Boebert (R-CO) has been given permission to carry her Glock pistol while serving in Congress. That should keep Ilhan Omar away.

Republican Lauren Boebert, 33, was elected this month from a conservative western Colorado district after gaining notice as a brash pro-gun activist who straps a Glock pistol to her hip. In an upset last June, she defeated five-term Rep. Scott Tipton for the GOP nomination, in part by claiming he wasn’t an ardent enough backer of President Donald Trump.

Boebert asked Capitol Police officials about carrying her weapon when she and other House freshmen taking office in January were in town recently for orientation programs, according to two congressional officials. Both people spoke on condition of anonymity to describe her request.

“There is no standing requirement” that lawmakers notify them when they carry a firearm in the Capitol, the officials wrote. Regulations require safe storage of weapons, but “that responsibility resides with the Member,” they said.

The only place Boebert cannot carry is inside the Congressional chamber, but I suspect she will pull an Andrew Jackson and carry a hickory walking cane with her.

This Is A Test

I don’t think it’s a stretch to claim my youngest son is a bizarre little boy; and I write that with the upmost respect.

While Julia is painting The Girl with the Pearl Earring, Kevin is creating wild photo journals about his characters getting away with tax fraud, or derailing passenger trains. The boy is literally a twenty-year old in a twelve year old’s body.

This weekend. Kevin was sitting at the computer and was tooling around on the internet. At some point, he opened up Microsoft Word, and started composing what he termed his “Common Core Test: Standard Sixth Grade Math.”

Suffice to say, this was not your normal, everyday test; it was a peculiar test, and fairly classic Kevin.

You can see the test under the fold. Make sure you read all the questions to earn course credit.

Continue reading “This Is A Test”

Caption Contest Winners

The When CPR Goes Wrong Caption Contest is now over. Such an amazing group of captions this week.

Top Five Entries:
5. Chiefjaybob finally finds his ideal CPR partner. – ChiefJayBob
4. …and now inflate the autopilot by blowing into the exposed valve… – Sully
3. CPR, Cardio Pecker Resuscitation, for when your big head does the thinking for the little head. – Veeshir
2. If your erection lasts more than 4 hours…. – RudyTBone

WINNER! – After the annual CPR class, Wyatt was required to attend sensitivity training. – RedneckGeezer

Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come

A motorcyclist had arguably the worst day of all time after he lost control of his motorcycle while driving through Kansas City, Kansas.

Police responded to reports of an injury crash in the area of 12th Street and Kansas Avenue, according to the Kansas City, Kansas Police Department.

After investigating, officers found out that a man had been racing his bike when he lost control and wrecked. When he hit the ground, a gun that he had in the waistband of his pants fired, striking him in the hip.

But wait, there’s more!

The man was also then struck by another vehicle. The driver fled the scene.

It can’t possibly get worse, right? Wrong.

Police discovered that the man was also a felon. When searching his motorcycle, they found a large bag of suspected methamphetamine.

The good news is the man is expected to survive, even if his will to live does not.

Old Man Yells At Cloud Reporter

Joe Biden lashed out at a reporter who had the temerity to ask a question of the alleged “president-elect” Friday. I suspect Bo Erickson will be shipped to the gulag by week’s end.

Former Vice President Joe Biden isn’t used to getting real questions. On Friday, Biden appeared dumbfounded as to why a reporter was asking the projected Democratic presidential-elect a question as the press pool was being scurried away by staff.

“Mr. Biden, the COVID task force said it’s safe for students to be in class. Are you going to encourage unions to cooperate more to bring kids back to classrooms, sir?” asked CBS reporter Bo Erickson.

“Why are you the only guy that always shouts out questions?” Biden said.

Maybe because the rest of the media is busy covering up for your corruption, crimes, and hair sniffing?

Erickson was also one of the few reporters to ask Biden about the scandals plaguing his campaign, bombshells suppressed by Big Tech and either ignored or dubiously delegitimized by other mainstream outlets. When pressed on the issue, Biden lashed out at the media.

Erickson, like most reporters, is likely on the far left. That said, the guy usually gives it to politicians on both sides of the aisle. Of course, President Pedo doesn’t believe he should even be asked questions, let alone answer them.

True Detective Stories

It is very likely I will not post this until Monday, but since I’m furious now, I decided to write it up Friday.

The last day of every tour is bittersweet for me. It’s always great when I have two days off, but I stress about coming back. You see, when I’m off, replacements work the front desk, and since they’re replacements, they couldn’t care less if they do their job or not. Besides, Wyatt will be back in two days to clean up the mess.

And that’s what I do. I’m “the cleaner.”

When I walked into the division Friday afternoon, there were sixty-eight – SIXTY-EIGHT! – unassigned jobs waiting in my queue. Not all of them were for my squad, but roughly half were ours. I have no idea what the replacements were doing while I was off, but I assume they were watching YouTube videos and doing crossword puzzles.

Among the unassigned jobs were, is list of importance, one robbery, one aggravated assault, three recovered autos (which were never removed from stolen status), and four missing persons (which need to be entered immediately). Of course there were also the usual domestic assaults and fraud jobs, but every of those previous jobs needed to be assigned the moment they arrived, not two f**king days later!

Worse still, the Chinese Wuhan Virus is still decimating my division, and with only four people Friday evening, guess who had to take most of the jobs? Yep, The Cleaner.

I entered twenty-six jobs before 5pm, and I found time to enter the others as the night went along. In total, thirty-two jobs were entered; just below half the total amount.

When I’m gone in 1,440 days, this place will literally come to a standstill.