Caption Contest Winners

The Cream, Get The Money, Dollar Dollar Bill, Y’all Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Three Entries:
3. “This is your LAST chance! For every 10, TEN, dollars you send, only 8 of it will go into our pockets. The last 2 will go into a slush fund! Call Now! 1-800-Ima-dumbass! Operators are standing by!” – MelP
2. “Hair club? I’m not only a member, I’m the president! – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – If I had a dollar for every time I lied about the GOP….. – Metoo

Balls Of Fury

A Chinese kung fu master has achieved internet fame after attaching a cord to himself and dragging a bus with his ball sack.

A kung fu master in China showed off his strength in a highly unusual way – using his genitals to pull an entire bus.

The video, filmed May 2, shows Master Wei Yaobin in Huizhou, Guangdong Province, using a rope attached to his nether regions to pull the bus, which reportedly weighs more than 13 tons. The martial artist pulled the vehicle a distance of more than 6 feet.

As a result of dragging the bus, Master Wei now has to drag his sack everywhere he goes.

Fake News, Real Lawsuit

File this story in the “It’s Funny When It Happens To Them” file. The despicable fake news website Buzzfeed – founded by the despicable fake newsperson Ben Smith – is being sued by a Russian bank mentioned in Buzzfeed’s “OMG TRUMP RUSSIA!” dossier.

The owners of a Russian bank are suing BuzzFeed for publishing a dossier containing unproven claims that the businessmen were involved in bribing Russian President Vladimir Putin years ago and took part in an alleged Russian government scheme to influence the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

Mikhail Fridman, Petr Aven and German Khan of Alfa Bank filed the defamation lawsuit seeking unspecified damages from BuzzFeed as well as editor-in-chief Ben Smith, reporter Ken Bensinger and editors Miriam Elder and Mark Schoofs.

The suit seized on Smith admitting that at the time BuzzFeed published the dossier in January he knew aspects of the dossier were wrong and that other aspects of it were unproven. That admission indicates BuzzFeed had knowledge sufficient to meet the legal standard for libel, the court complaint says.

Not only does Smith’s admission meet the legal standard for libel, but it also illustrates how far journalism has fallen in recent years. Smith knew there were items in the Russian dossier which were false – in my opinion, all of it is false – but Smith published the information anyway.

Personally, I hope the Russians sue Smith and Buzzfeed into bankruptcy.

Remember Their Sacrifice

Today is Memorial Day, a day where most Americans celebrate the official launch of summer.

Sadly, many Americans cannot celebrate with a barbecue or a trip to the shore, because they gave their lives keeping this country safe and secure. Please keep these heroes in your hearts today, and silently thank them for their sacrifice. Always remember freedom isn’t free

“One’s country is worth dying for, and democracy is worth dying for, because it’s the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man. All of you loved liberty. All of you were willing to fight tyranny, and you knew the people of your countries were behind you.”President Ronald Reagan, 1984.

Sunday Services

Today’s services focus upon the incredibly sploosh-worthy French actress Eva Green.

Eva Gaëlle Green (born 6 July 1980) is a French actress and model. She started her career in theatre before making her film debut in 2003 in Bernardo Bertolucci’s film The Dreamers. She achieved international recognition when she appeared as Sibylla, Queen of Jerusalem in Ridley Scott’s historical epic Kingdom of Heaven (2005), and portrayed Bond girl Vesper Lynd in the James Bond film Casino Royale (2006). In 2006, Green was awarded the BAFTA Rising Star Award.

Eva utterly and completely hooked me in with her role in Casino Royale (above). Good lord she was simply striking in it, and for me, arguably one of the hottest Bond girls ever.

There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

The Woman Needs A Coughin’

Twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton delivered the commencement speech at Wellesley College – an institution which caters to women in comfortable shoes and their “longtime companions” – where she spent much more time coughing than talking.

Hillary Clinton struggled to speak shortly after beginning her speech at the Wellesley College commencement ceremony Friday.

A college official rushed to deliver her a lozenge and water bottle as she choked on her words. She credited her croaky delivery to allergies rather than emotions, which drew cheers and laughs from the crowd.

Yes, because when I see a corrupt Democrat politician suffering through severe health problems, it usually elicits giggles and applause.

Kiss Of The Spider Woman

A Mexican mixologist manufactured a mouth-watering mixed drink which contains – wait for it – tarantula venom. It’s debilitatingly delicious.

Named in honor of the giant spider from the Harry Potter books, Aragog is an unusual cocktail made with a drop of tarantula venom, which numbs the tongue and causes a sensation “between tingling and cramping” in the throat.

Aragog was created two years ago, by Romeo Palomares, chief mixologist at the Luciferina Bar, in Mexico City, after being challenged by his boss to come up with a cocktail that would impress patrons.

While browsing the unusual wares of Sonora, Romeo recalls being drawn to the stall of a female vendor, who he asked about an interesting ingredient that he could add to a cocktail for an extra kick. She pulled out a dose of tarantula venom and encouraged him to try it, assuring him that it wasn’t enough strong enough to cause serious health problems.

Aragog is made with Mexican mezcal, Chilean pisco and Brazilian cachaça, mango juice, a touch of lemon and 0.05% tarantula venom per 500 ml of the drink. Palomares says that it’s not a cocktail for the faint of heart, not only because of his special ingredients, but also because it’s made with three kinds of spirits.

Not only would I not drink this contraption, but I don’t even like spelling the word tarantula, let alone spending time with one. I do wonder why Kevin and Kari never offered us one in Arizona last summer.

Florida Criminal Is Down In The Dumps

Meet Demetrius Vidale.

Demetrius, through no fault of his own, was involved in a shootout with a Broward County Sheriff’s deputy Monday. The incident occurred just as Demetrius was turning his life around. Officers served a search warrant at his residence, and Demetrius dumped all over it.

Demetrius Vidale, 24, faces five charges including attempted first-degree murder, attempted murder of a law enforcement officer with a deadly weapon, armed robbery, driving with a suspended license and obstructing a police officer serving a search warrant. Deputies received a search warrant to match Vidale’s DNA to the crime scene, and he was detained after a deputy found him driving in Fort Lauderdale Tuesday.

Vidale was given a copy of a judge’s search warrant, which he put on a chair and then defecated on.

“[Vidale] refused to comply by not allowing his photographs to be taken or provide his DNA and master prints. Vidale stated that the judge had no jurisdiction over him,” the report reads.

Hey Einstein, by shitting all over the search warrant, you just gave the investigators your DNA. There is good news, however; you’ll be settled in the MENSA block at FCI Tallahassee.

Big Cry Country

You may have heard the brouhaha involving Montana GOP congressional candidate Greg Gianforte and Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs. Gianforte allegedly assaulted Jacobs earlier this week, and the MSM cannot clutch their pearls hard enough.

Yesterday, the incident’s eyewitness decided she was “modifying” her story.

A reporter who was a firsthand witness to an incident late Wednesday involving Montana GOP candidate Greg Gianforte and a reporter for the Guardian now admits she may have misstated some details of her initial story.

Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs claimed Gianforte, locked in a hotly contested special election for Congress, body-slammed him and broke his glasses at a campaign event Wednesday. Local authorities have brought misdemeanor assault charges against Gianforte.

Fox News reporter Alicia Acuna initially reported Gianforte grabbed Jacobs by the neck, but later told Laura Ingraham Gianforte may have grabbed the reporter’s clothes. Pretty big difference if you ask me. For their part, the Gianforte camp offered this explanation of the incident:

“Tonight, as Greg was giving a separate interview in a private office, the Guardian’s Ben Jacobs entered the office without permission, aggressively shoved a recorder in Greg’s face, and began asking badgering questions,” the statement read. “Jacobs was asked to leave.”

“Greg then attempted to grab the phone that was pushed in his face,” the Gianforte statement continues, “Jacobs grabbed Greg’s wrist, and spun away from Greg, pushing them both to the ground.”

Gee, I have a difficult time believing a member of the media would be such an aggressive douchebag… said no one ever. Look, I don’t condone the assault – if one even occurred – but the fact that the MSM gleefully cheers people assaulting Trump supporters keeps my empathy meter bone dry.