Hey Brother, Pour The Wine

It was a busy night for one New Hampshire State Police trooper Sunday, after he stopped two separate Massachusetts men driving at a high rate of speed while drunk.

New Hampshire State Police officials said a trooper who was monitoring traffic on I-93 in Bow saw a vehicle approaching his location at a very high rate of speed at about 3:20 a.m. Sunday.

The trooper obtained a radar reading of 120 mph as the vehicle approached and passed him. The trooper then stopped the vehicle and identified the driver as 25-year-old Jacob Hulsoor, of Boston’s Dorchester neighborhood.

Most of New Hampshire’s roads are pretty good, with long stretches. They are not, however, Formula 1 race circuits.

NHSP officials said the same trooper who arrested Hulsoor had arrested another driver earlier in his shift.

That trooper stopped a vehicle that had been traveling 100 mph on I-93 in Concord and identified the driver as 47-year-old Lionel Desilva, of Merrimac.

You’d think the Massholes would stick to driving in their own state while drunk, and not headed out of state to be arrested.

The Bidens Are Trailer Trash

America’s despicable white trash “president,” has hung his family’s stockings in the White House. Unfortunately for one young daughter, she apparently did not deserve a stocking this year… or last year.

First lady Jill Biden unveiled photos of the first family’s Christmas decorations on Monday, complete with 77 Christmas trees bearing more than 83,000 lights and stockings hanging over the mantle in the State Dining Room for the Biden grandchildren — with one notable exception.

Hunter and ex-wife Kathleen Buhle’s three daughters Naomi, Finnegan and Maisy were represented — along with Naomi’s new husband Peter Neal as well as Natalie and Hunter, the two children of the late Beau Biden and his widow Hallie.

Still another stocking bore the name “Baby,” an apparent reference to Hunter’s two-year-old son Beau with second wife Melissa Cohen, while the last two were set aside for first dog Commander and first cat Willow.

Wow, that’s so sweet. I wonder which member of the Biden family was snubbed… twice?

Still another stocking bore the name “Baby,” an apparent reference to Hunter’s two-year-old son Beau with second wife Melissa Cohen, while the last two were set aside for first dog Commander and first cat Willow.

Hunter’s 4-year-old daughter, Navy Jones Roberts — who was born out of wedlock to former stripper Lunden Roberts in 2018 — was not included in the festive display. The first family reportedly has not met the child.

Wow, these assholes put up a stocking for the dog and the cat, but not for Hunter’s illegitimate child.

The Cleveland Browns Personified

Despite the fact I despise the NFL, I did want to post this story about the hapless Cleveland Browns, because their new team mascot made an appearance during Sunday’s game.

The Cleveland Browns stink and now their stadium does too (or soon will). In the third quarter of Cleveland’s home game with Tampa Bay, a skunk got loose in the stands. It only took till late November, but finally Browns fans were able to witness some excitement inside of First Energy Stadium on a Sunday.

The skunk was apropos; a smelly animal for a shitty football team.

I’m not sure there’s ever been a more fitting professional sports team to house an in-game skunk in their stands. You could make the argument that this is actually a message from the football Gods telling Cleveland to go all-in and change their team nickname to the “Skunks.”

Despite the stinky situation in section 144, the teams have continued to play on while fans in the area wasted little time scattering about.

Honestly, I’m surprised the Cleveland faithful didn’t just sit there and embrace the stink. They’ve done so for seventy-six years now.

Caption Contest Winners

The Pot Meet Kettle Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. That’s the last time that skinny bitch looks at my boyfriend. – Ingineer66
4. Two Co-eds one kettle. – Gary Moore
3. Do you have any idea of how hard it is to get decent “eye of newt” these days? – RudyTBone
2. Visual representation of “ass over kettle.” – Jim

WINNER! – Aspiring serial killer Suzy made sure all her friends are on her “bucket list.” – Okrahead

You Want A Hero? She Is A Hero

A Jacksonville Sheriff’s Officer responded to a 911 call about an infant who was drowning in a Florida lake. Officer Me’Atia Sanderson was the first to respond, and dove into the lake to rescue the infant.

Oh, did I mention Officer Sanderson cannot swim? Yeah.

Jacksonville Sheriff’s Officer Me’Atia Sanderson saved the life of an infant drowning in a retention pond in June. The video showed Sanderson rushing to help the child, pulling him out of the water, then performing CPR until paramedics arrived.

In the body cam video, Officer Sanderson arrives at an apartment complex and immediately dashes toward a retention pond behind one of the buildings. “Help! Over here!” A woman can be heard shouting. Sanderson rushes towards her. “Where’s the baby at?” the officer asks.

A witness pointed to where the infant had drowned, and without hesitation, she dove into the water.

“I’m getting him, I’m getting him,” she continued.

The camera is fully underwater for several seconds as Sanderson can be seen retrieving the baby from the water, then clambering back onto the grass.

“Put him down,” she tells a man standing over the child. Sanderson then performs CPR on the child. “Come on baby,” she says as she compresses the infant’s chest and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Paramedics arrive shortly afterward. (H/T – Redneck Geezer)

Sanderson was heard saying, “Oh shit, Oh Lord” as she waded into the water, but despite her terror, she did her job and saved the infant after using CPR. Damned fine work, Officer Sanderson.

Biden Relaxes Sanctions On… Venezuela?

There is some good news coming out of the White House. We’re about to start drilling for oil again! Huzzah! Oh wait, did I mention the oil will be drilled in Venezuela by a fascist, murderous dictator who jailed the legitimate president of the country?

The good news is that the Biden administration is finally doing something about the Biden energy crisis, encouraging more oil drilling. The bad news is that the drilling will be taking place in Venezuela, not the United States. We saw some hints of this last month, but now it’s apparently official. Yesterday, in an effort to cut a deal with one of the worst socialist tyrants on the planet, Joe Biden lifted some of the sanctions on Nicolas Maduro and the Venezuelan oil giant PDVSA. The eased sanctions will allow for additional oil to flow from Venezuela and be exported to a world that is currently running out of energy at an alarming pace.

In fairness, Biden is also a tyrant, so you could understand why he’d ease sanctions on Maduro.

So we can’t get a new pipeline built or a new drilling permit issued in the United States, but we’re going to let Venezuela open the taps and begin cashing in on its reserves of black gold? One question we might ask is how we’re apparently doing business with Nicolas Maduro when we don’t even recognize him as the legitimate president of Venezuela. What happened to Juan Guaido? He’s supposedly the president that most of the world recognizes. Oh, that’s right. He spends about half of his time in jail.

I mean, yeah, we’ll eventually get oil from Venezuela, but how much will it cost? Maduro is a dictator, but he’s not stupid. He is going to make sure the prices skyrocket, so he can stuff his coffers while his citizens die of malnourishment.

Well done, “President” Biden. You’re now in bed with a murderous thug.

True Detective Stories

So Saturday was effectively uneventful for a change, and the first few hours were rather peaceful. We were catching up on jobs and watching college football for the first half of the tour.

Then this dude walked into the office.

One of the brand new – read: dumb – female officer brings up a carjacking report. I read the report over and ask, “Officer, and I reading this right? This guy was carjacked Friday night at 11pm and he didn’t make a police report until nineteen hours later?”

“Yes.”

“Does that raise any red flags for you? If you were carjacked, would you go home for almost an entire day before making a report?”

The female cop just looked at me like I have two heads. “Fine, we’ll take care of it, but not making a report immediately usually means he is lying, or he’s involved in something else.”

I enter the job, and give it to one of my detectives. As he is getting the interview ready, I decide to go out in the hallway and ask the “victim” a few questions. For instance: “Sir, I have a question, because jobs like this always intrigue me. You got carjacked at 11pm Friday night. Why did you wait nineteen hours to make a police report?”

The victim claims, “Well, you know, it was dark out, and I didn’t think you guys would be open that late.”

“Sir, we’re a big-city police department. We literally never close. Ever. I guess my only other statement would be this; Did you ever consider what may have happened while waiting nineteen hours? The carjacker had a handgun. Did you ever think, wow, this guy may be shooting people, or robbing other victims?”

You already know the answer he gave, because this city is a disgrace.

Heroism Comes In All Shapes And Sizes

Meet Ava Donegan of Excelsior Springs, Missouri.

Ava and her boyfriend were headed for some shopping when they came upon something no one ever wants to see; a gunfight between police officers and a thug.

Ava Donegan never set out to be a hero. Back on Oct. 1, she and her boyfriend were in Excelsior Springs, Missouri, for some shopping. Then came the gunfire. Then came the wounded police officer. Then came the moment the training her father instilled in her kicked in.

Unknown to her, as she was driving that day, two officers of the Excelsior Springs Police Department were trying to detain a suspect who fired upon them, striking Officer Adam Stott in the wrist and arm.

Ava’s father trained her in first aid, and she immediately helped the officer who was shot. She used the officer’s tourniquet, which helped stop the blood loss.

“Officer (Andrew) Stott ran to the vehicle Ava was in after he got shot. She could see he needed help. He had been shot in the right arm and in the left hand. Officer Stott pointed to where his tourniquet was outside his vest. Ava helped to retrieve it and put it on his wounded right arm,” Sheriff’s Office Public Relations Manager Sarah Boyd said at the ceremony as she summed up the incident.

“Because of his injuries, he could not use his radio so Ava pressed his radio button so he could tell dispatch what happened. Finally, she helped him take off his outer vest so he could receive medical treatment,” Boyd said. (H/T – Redneck Geezer)

Ava, who is seventeen, is a legitimate hero who likely saved Officer Stott’s life.

Take a look at the short video at the link. Ava looks almost embarrassed despite her bravery.

They All Rise For This Judge

Meet Vivian Poliana, a crazy stupid hot Colombian judge who is now under suspension after she appeared on a CCTV court hearing half naked.

A Colombian judge was suspended for three months after she conducted a court hearing half-naked from bed while smoking a cigarette.

Judge Vivian Polania violated several administrative regulations, the Judicial Disciplinary Commission in Norte de Santander ruled this week following the incident, news outlet Infobae reported.

I have no problem with this, because Philly’s female judges look like Rosa Delauro.

The scantily-clad judge, 34, appeared on a Zoom call in what seemed to be her underwear while overseeing a hearing about a car bombing aimed at an army brigade, and the raunchy clip quickly went viral, prompting the investigation into her behaviour.

The disciplinary panel’s lengthy 16-page ruling read: “Such a situation is not consistent with the care, respect and circumspection with which a judge of the republic must administer justice, denoting a clear lack of respect from the official.”

I get that, but it’s Colombia for cripes’ sake. It’s the hub of corruption, drug cartels, and car bombings. They can talk about decorum all they want, but the country has been a hot mess for decades now.

Florida Thug Gets A Nip And A Tuck

A Florida arsonist was arrested after throwing a Molotov cocktail at a residence in Plantation Ridge, Florida. The man was allegedly carrying an AR-15 rifle.

Polk County Florida Sherrif Grady Judd told reporters that deputies arrested a Lakeland, Florida man on Sunday for an alleged arson attempt. The suspect, 30-year-old Luke Neely allegedly threw a “Molotov cocktail” weapon at a residence in the neighborhood of Plantation Ridge.

During the chase, Deputies fired on Neely after the second PIT maneuver, hitting Neely with three rounds. Neely was trying to flee on foot while being armed. Sheriff Judd explained that two rounds hit Neely in the right leg, while the third round hit Neely in the groin. Judd added, “That shot changed the looks of his groin forever, if you know what I mean,” implying that Neely had been shot in the penis.

Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark.

Officials said Neely was in possession of an “AR-style” rifle when finally stopped, which initiated the shooting that incapacitated Neely. He was then disarmed from the rifle and another firearm he had on his person. (H/T – Mike AKA Proof)

Well, if nothing else, maybe Neely will never be able to procreate.