“Hold My Pale Ale!”

Recently, President Trump received a lot of backlash after criticizing many of our NATO partners.

The president claimed some countries were not carrying their weight, which is odd, because all our allies are top-notch military outfits…

On 12 October, we received information on the incident: a technician was working on an F-16 when he accidentally activated the six-barrels 20mm Vulcan M61A-1 cannon. The cannon was loaded and some bullets hit another F-16AM (FA-128). That aircraft had just been refuelled and was – together with another F-16 – being prepared for a (training) mission. Due to the bullets, the F-16AM exploded and damaged the other F-16.

Two technicians were injured after the blast, the Belgian Aviation Safety Directorate opened an investigation into the accident. The Belgian Air Force had 60 active F-16 aircraft remaining, including 48 on duty for NATO.

How do you “accidentally” activate a Vulcan cannon? Oh wait, the tech was dusting the joystick and held down the fire button long enough for the cannon to make its revolutions and strafe the airfield. Got it.

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True Detective Stories

So let me tell you about my yesterday. After a Sunday which saw seven PVC incidents – stupid defective heart – Monday was fairly quiet. Sure, there were toads reporting their guns “stolen,” and one jackass broke into more than thirty – yes, thirty – cars on one block, but violence-wise, it wasn’t awful.

Well, not completely awful.

We were sitting in headquarters, minding our own business, when we heard between five and seven gunshots. They were close, maybe a block away. In the past week, we’ve handled two shootings which were no more than two blocks from our building. The new D.A. doesn’t really charge people for gun crimes anymore, so it’s the O.K. Corral out here.

Anyway, my friend was outside smoking when the shots were fired, and she texts me this message: “Just heard five gunshots, and four cars are sitting in the parking lot. No one moved.”

No. One. Moved.

“The Dog Poo Killed My Husband”

Meet Rachel Fidanian of Lakeland, Florida.

In nearly a quarter century of policing, I have heard some rather terrible excuses, but this sexy beast threw out the all-time winner. Hands down.

The stabbing death occurred on June 25, but a medical examiner’s report recently ruled the death of 40-year-old Bryant Fidanian as a murder. Polk County detectives said the wife, and suspect, 38-year-old Rachel Fidanian “gave several inconsistent statements” about the events leading up to the stabbing.

Sweet fancy Moses, she’s only 38? Yikes!

Rachel gave two different explanations during the initial 911 call. She first said she was holding her dog while doing dishes, then ran towards her husband, slipped, and a knife entered his shoulder area. Later in the call, detectives said she explained holding her dog while slicing pizza, went to talk to her husband, tripped and accidentally stabbed him.

While Polk County Fire Rescue officials were providing medical care, detectives said Rachel explained she was slicing a pizza she just cooked and noticed her dog defecated on itself. She went to clean the feces with the knife still in her hand, investigators said, but tripped on the mess and fell on the victim.

Unlike her alibi, Rachel’s kitchen was not full of shit, and she was arrested for murder.

Caption Contest Winners

The You Picked A Feinstein To Leave Me, Lucille Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. “Listen, you old witch, get on your broom and fly the heck out of my hearing room!” – Ronni
4. “Now Diane when I clap my hands you will wake up,,,,,you’ll feel relaxed, refreshed, happier than you’ve been in 30 years….and at noon on Monday you will hold a press conference to announce you’re joining the Republican Party!” – Dalek
3. Goddamnit, Dianne! Don’t you understand the only thing less credible than your so-called “accuser” is that shitty dye-job of yours? – J-Dub
2. Are you trying to tell me that she can’t even remember that his Johnson is this long? – Jim

WINNER! – Grassley: “No, no, no, it’s just a jump to the left, and THEN a step to the right!” – Barry D.

In Soviet Russia, Girl Picks Up You

Hockey is, in my view, one of the greatest sports in the history of the Earth. Women’s hockey is equally awesome because their players are tough as nails, and/or are crazy stupid hot. Yulia Ushakova has both boxes checked.

A Russian ice hockey team announced an injury to its star player by posting a photograph of her naked on the treatment table.

Yulia Ushakova, who plays for HC Spartak Moscow, stripped down to the bare minimum to show off her bandaged ankle.

Alongside the controversial picture, the former bodybuilder wrote: “I twisted my ankle, two broken nails. My wrist will be corrected, and when I go for the manicure, the problem will be solved. I started the week badly.”

Sploosh! Hat tip to TXNick, who found this story well before I did, which makes me cry a little inside.

The Big Apple Has A Worm

File this story in the “It’s funny when it happens to them” file.

The New York Times is scrambling to quell a staff rebellion at its metro desk after the section’s editor, Cliff Levy, unleashed a blistering email to staffers last week, saying the section had “lost its footing” and was in need of “urgent” change.

Levy, as part of a digital-first push that he claimed is lacking in the metro section, said the section’s staffers were going to be offered a chance to take voluntary buyouts. Many insiders fretted they were going to get “performance appraised” out of their jobs in a looming review process under Levy.

Here’s a thought; maybe if the New York Times focused upon journalism instead of say, activism against conservatives, they would be in a much better place, both financially and reputationally. That said, I have absolutely no sympathy for the people who will be let go. You made your bed. Sleep in it.

More Park Sausages Mom, Please

Meet Hermes Callijas-Gasperin. Hermes is a growing young man, and he simply wanted him mommy to make him lunch. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

Cops charge that Callijas-Gasperin battered his 41-year-old mother after asking her to make him some food around 8 PM Monday. The victim agreed to prepare a meal, but asked her son “to give her a few minutes due to being busy.”

The unemployed Callijas-Gasperin became angry when asked to wait, according to a probable cause statement. Callijas-Gasperin “threw the remaining sausages” at his mother, with one sausage striking her in the right eye. He also allegedly pushed the victim backwards and placed his hands around her neck (but did not restrict her breathing).

Someone should inform Hermes sausages are more easily eaten through the mouth and not the eye socket. Although I’m sure someone will familiarize Hermes with “sausages” in prison.

Sunday Services

This week’s services revolve around Australian actress Brooke Satchwell. I noticed Brooke after watching the new FX series “Mr. In-Between” – which I think is fantastic, by the way – and she’s definitely a looker.

Brooke Kerith Satchwell (born 14 November 1980) is an Australian actress, model, and environmental spokesperson. Satchwell plays Ally in the 2018 black comedy-drama Mr In-Between.

On 26 November 2008, Satchwell was in a building which was attacked by terrorists in the Mumbai Terrorist Attacks. She hid in a cupboard until gunfire ceased. One gunman passed by the cupboard as she sat hidden from view. Upon leaving the hotel, she claims to have seen several dead bodies.

Well, there’s an unfortunate wake-up call. There are more photos below the fold…

Great Googly Moogly

Police in Savannah, Georgia are looking for the offender who placed googly eyes on the status of Revolutionary War hero Nathanael Greene.

Someone put googly eyes on a statue in Savannah’s Johnson Square on Thursday, and city officials don’t think it’s funny.

“Who did this?! Someone placed googly eyes on our historic #NathanaelGreene statue in #JohnsonSquare,” reads a post on the City of Savannah Government Facebook page.

“It may look funny but harming our historic monuments and public property is no laughing matter, in fact, it’s a crime,” the post reads “We are hoping to find the person responsible! If you have information, please call Savannah Police.”

Why waste googly eyes on Nathanael Greene when you could just as easily – and more appropriately – attach them to the Marty Feldman statue?

Hillary’s Security Clearances Revoked

The State Department removed Hillary Clinton’s security clearances – allegedly – at Clinton’s request.

The US State Department withdrew former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s security clearance at Clinton’s request, a letter from the department indicates.

The State Department said Clinton’s security clearance was “administratively withdrawn” on August 30, along with those of Clinton’s top aide, Cheryl Mills, and several others.

Every single article is reporting Hillary requested the revocation. Is anyone buying this tripe? Hillary is still, sadly, politically active so security clearances would afford her more gravitas with her cohorts on the left. Anything is possible, but when have you ever witnessed a Clinton voluntarily give up power?