What Happens When 911 Doesn’t Answer?

I’m certain most of you are sick and tired about hearing the plight of the citizens in Minneapolis, but when I saw this post, I wanted to comment on it. A business owner sent an email to the commander of the city’s 3rd Precinct, claiming his employees are too frightened to come to work. The business owner – Craig Paulson – received this reply.

The owner of Pedego Electric Bikes sent an email to the local Police Chief saying that his employees are too frightened to come to work now. The answer he received was none too reassuring.

“As far as a long-term plan I don’t have one. I have lost 30% of my street officers since the end of May. Budget cuts from COVID-19 and an additional 1.5 million from the council in August we have let go 17 CSO’s and canceled a recruit class of 29. A potential Cadet class slated for January of 2021 was also eliminated. It takes about a year to get a police Officer onto the streets with hiring, backgrounds and field training so reinforcements aren’t coming anytime soon. We are doing everything we can with what we have. I hate to see great businesses like yours and the rest of your corridor being victimized and feeling unsafe. Please let me know if you have any more questions.”

This is what defunding the police looks like. The Minneapolis Police Department has been effectively gutted, at least compared what it was before May 25th. Thirty-percent of that precinct’s officers are gone – likely retired, quit, or were transferred – seventeen community service officers were furloughed, and there are no plans for any new cadets in the foreseeable future.

This is just for one of five precincts, so you can assume those numbers are much higher.

They don’t have a long-term plan. Reinforcements are not on the way. How would you feel if you received a message like that from the police? This sounds more like the script for a war movie about a hopelessly trapped platoon than a news report about a municipal police force.

It’s easy to dunk on Minneapolis, its politicians, and their inability to deal with Antifa and BLM terrorists, but there are some good people in these neighborhoods. Many of them never wanted this, and many of them are unable to just pull up stakes and move out. These people are going to suffer solely because they live in a city whose leaders embrace burnings, lootings, and murder.

Adding to their woes in this part of the city is the fact that the 3rd Precinct doesn’t even have a police station. The rioters burned it to the ground in May.

Well yeah, that’s not ideal. Look, I’d be lying if I said I worry about my city, because I don’t. At all. I am on the downswing of my career, and the second I retire I’m gone – hopefully somewhere very far south and very politically red. My city is only slightly less f**ked up than Minneapolis. We have a leftist mayor, a leftist city council and a Soros-appointed D.A. Every one of these toads voted to swipe $33 million from the department’s annual budget. We aren’t filling any academy classes because 1. we don’t have the money, and 2. because no one wants this job anymore. Can’t say I blame them.

I guess my overall specific point is this: if you live in a blue area, this will eventually come to your city or town. While we can truthfully say, “Pfft, they get what they vote for,” it would be wise to not get complacent. This can (and likely will) happen in cities and towns all across the nation, and the color of your state won’t matter one bit.

As for the leftists who applaud these actions, I can only offer you this: eventually you’ll need police services, and if those services do not arrive in time, you’ll only have yourselves to blame.

Women Drivers, Amirite?

A Connecticut woman took out a brand new performance car on a test drive, and she decided to put the vehicle through its paces. The paces included going 100 mph on Interstate 395.

A woman who was test-driving a new car crashed after traveling over 100 miles per hour on Interstate 395 in Norwich, according to troopers.

The 30-year-old driver admitted to troopers that she was driving at a high speed because she wanted to test the capabilities of the car. The woman suffered minor injuries in the crash. She was summoned to court for reckless driving and for failing to maintain lane.

Troopers are warning drivers to always obey posted speed limits and other traffic laws, especially when operating a vehicle you are unfamiliar with.

Look, I get you want to see how the vehicle performs, but maybe not on the Interstate… during the day… going 100 mph. If I were one of the troopers, I’d make this bint walk home.

Why Didn’t I Think Of This?

While surfing the interwebz, I came across this post, where parents were saving their children’s first day of school for posterity.

Of course, these were no ordinary photos. Sure, the children were featured, but the true subjects and the visibly happy parents, celebrating an empty home for the first time in months.

Parents Post That Horrible Moment Their Kids Go Back To School. While kids are not always thrilled to go back to school, for some reason parents do not always share that feeling. One might say that they are even happy about it…

I mean, I guess you can label these parents as selfish, but I’d be lying if I said these photos aren’t high-larious. But hey, you already know I’m a terrible person. so let’s accept that fact and move on.

Oh, by the way, the woman up top? Like a screen door in a hurricane.

Back To Cruel

You may remember a post I made on Wednesday, chronicling my seemingly insignificant back injury. I pulled a muscle while using the rowing machine at the gym, but I assumed I’d be good to go back to work this past Thursday.

Nah, brah.

I spent my days off alternating between ice packs and heating pads, plus short walks to keep my back as loose as Lindsay Lohan’s va-jay-jay. The first few hours of the day were excruciating, but by mid-afternoon, everything felt better. This trend continued until Friday morning – the day I expected to go back to work.

My first issue was sleep. I compiled approximately four hours sleep between Tuesday night and Friday morning. The pain was that bad. I rolled out of bed at 5:15 Friday, giving myself enough time to loosen up, use the heating pad, then get ready for work. The problem was my upper body felt like it was crushing my lower body, and the pain was unbearable. I tried to suck it up – I have a really high pain threshold – but after almost an hour, I gave up.

I climbed the stairs, woke up Mrs. Earp, and told her I needed to get to the doctor’s office immediately. I couldn’t bend over, so Mrs. Earp had to help me put on pants, socks, and my shoes…

Continue reading “Back To Cruel”

NYC Eateries Impose Coronavirus Fee

New York’s City Council – arguably the worst political body in America – has passed legislation which would allow the city’s restaurants to charge a 10% coronavirus fee to every bill.

Under a new bill passed Wednesday by the City Council, New York restaurants will be allowed to add up to a 10% charge onto customers’ tab. The bill passed on a 46-2 vote.

I see the destruction of New York City continues apace.

“The fee won’t be mandatory, and it can be any amount up to 10% of a food and drink bill. Restaurants’ permission to charge the fee will expire 90 days after the state allows full occupancy of eateries,” the New York Daily News reported. “Restaurant bills will have to be explicit about the amount of the charge and its purpose. Food trucks and restaurants that are part of national chains with 15 or more outlets will not be allowed to charge the fee.”

So not only will you pay the usual astronomical fees for a simple meal in the most expensive city on Earth, but you will also have the distinct pleasure of paying ten percent more… plus the obvious tip.

Councilman Joe Borelli of Staten Island, the bill’s sponsor, said the new fee will help restaurateurs who have been forced to close their businesses for months because of COVID-19 to recover. “This bill fundamentally is about saving the restaurant industry,” the New York Post reported.

In the interest of transparency, Joe Borelli self-identifies as a “Republican.” I assume he’s one of those Mitt Romney, John McCain, Lindsey Graham “Republicans,” since no real conservative would do something this tone deaf immediately after the country’s economy was decimated.

Now I’m not nearly as smart as the geniuses elected to New York’s City Council, but considering Bill de Blasio, et al, locked down the city, shuttered the restaurants, and bankrupted the citizens, maybe they shouldn’t screw them out of what little money the have left.

Maybe New York’s politicians can offer the city’s restaurants a payroll tax holiday? Perhaps they can offer incentives to eat downtown by offering customers free parking? Unless you make the trip worth their while, no one is going to patronize these restaurants knowing they must pay a corona virus fee.

My Last Will And Testament

I, Wyatt Earp, being of somewhat sound mind and fabulous body, do hereby declare at the time of my passing, I have a fabulous Latin American babe twerking atop my coffin. I’m no lawyer, but I am reasonably certain a blog will is legally binding.

A video of an unexpected funeral celebration is making waves online. In the video, a group in an apparently Latin American country can be seen surrounding an outdoor casket. The wooden coffin is propped up on two motorcycles and wrapped in some kind of plastic. The short clip shows a woman, dressed in a black shirt and jeans, twerking atop the raised casket.

Over the course of just over twenty seconds, the woman grinds and gyrates in front of a celebratory crowd. Twice, she leans forward to plant a kiss on the glass covering between she and her loved one.

Find someone who loves you the way this woman loves twerking on coffins.

Oh, and guys, there is video of the twerking at the link. I’m sure you won’t check it out because of the solemnity of the funeral procession, but just in case…

The Greatest Sport On Earth

Everyone hold on to your hats; I’m about to say plenty of good things about Ireland.

The 2022 World Lacrosse Games are in the process of seeding the multiple national teams looking to play in the championships. The Iroquois Nationals are one of the best teams in the world, but they were not considered because of a technicality. Enter Ireland.

This week, if you looked up the dictionary definition for the word ‘sportsmanship,’ there’s a good chance you might have seen a picture of Ireland’s national lacrosse team there. That’s because rather than looking to their own interests, they ceded their spot at the World Lacrosse Games 2022 to a Native American Iroquois squad who’d been shut out of the international competition on a technicality.

The eight teams slotted to play in the tournament were selected on the basis of where their team ranked at the end of the 2018 Federation of International Lacrosse World Championship. The Iroquois Nationals came in third. Ireland finished 12th.

Since the Iroquois are not recognized as a sovereign nation nor do they have an Olympic Committee, the International World Games Association (IWGA) initially disqualified them from championship play.

For the record, this is a stupid rule. There is no need for the Iroquois to have an Olympic Committee, since they have been playing in world tournaments for years.

Seeing the injustice, the Irish team dropped out, giving the Iroquois their spot.

In a statement, Michael Kennedy, chief executive officer of Ireland Lacrosse said, “It’s simply the right thing to do… As much as our players would have been honored to compete, we know the right thing is for the Iroquois Nationals to represent our sport on this international stage.”

This is no minor act of kindness. Ireland earned a spot on the World Games and they voluntarily gave it up because they saw another team getting screwed. You think a team from the NFL, NBA, or MLB would do that? The answer is no.

Cheers to you, Ireland. Sláinte!

Jake And Elwood Would Be Proud

An impatient Detroit man decided he was not too keen on waiting for a drawbridge to open. Obviously this is a busy man with things to do, so he implemented the Blues Brothers protocol.

Police say they arrested a man Wednesday night after he jumped his vehicle across a drawbridge that was rising in Detroit. According to WDIV Detroit, the operator of the bridge witnessed the man drive his car across the bridge and says the driver blew out all four tires and crashed into a gate after completing the jump.

The operator hit the emergency stop on the bridge as it was rising because he realized the driver of the vehicle wasn’t stopping. The driver is a 26-year-old Allen Park man who was driving a Dodge sedan on Fort Street around 7 p.m. when he made the jump.

The driver was heard saying, “It’s got a cop motor, a 440-cubic-inch plant. It’s got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas.” Sources claim the man will be driving to – and through – the local mall once he’s posted bail.

Black Drives Matter

A gaggle of girls grabbed a golf cart, got on the highway, and made a getaway to the ghetto after their Lyft failed to show up. The thieving thots then took their time traveling the turnpike.

A viral video posted to Twitter this weekend shows five girls cruising down Route 50 near Bowie, Maryland, in a stolen golf cart – apparently determined to make it to D.C. after missing their Lyft.

The video was captured by Gregory Green on September 12, who happened to drive past the girls and told them that what they were doing was not safe.

Dude, they stole a golf cart. You think they gave a rat’s ass if driving it on the highway was dangerous?

The driver of the golf cart asked Green if he would give them a ride since he was recording them with his phone. Some of the teens in the video could be seen trying to hide their faces with their masks and bonnets.

“Yes, I’ll give you a ride, because y’all need to pull over,” he said. But the girls kept driving and told Green to stop recording them.

I give Mr. Green credit for trying to save the lives of these dullards, but honestly, he should have let them carry on. No golf cart is making the trip from Bowie to D.C. without running out of gas, or without a much-needed charge. Then a tractor trailer could do Darwin’s work and blast the cart to pieces.