Make Russia Hot Again

Meet Ksenia Sobchak. Ksenia has announced her intention to unseat Vladimir Putin as Russian President. Well, rest is peace, I guess.

Russian journalist, former reality show host and socialite Ksenia Sobchak announced Wednesday that she intends to stand for president in 2018 as an opposition candidate.

“My name is Ksenia Sobchak. I am standing for president,” she wrote on a website announcing her bid, declaring that her campaign slogan is “I am the ‘none of the above’ candidate.”

President Vladimir Putin has not yet announced his expected candidacy.

In a letter published on the website of Vedomosti business daily, Sobchak said she realised she would be viewed as an unlikely candidate. But she vowed that she would support opposition leader Alexei Navalny and call for him to be allowed to stand, after electoral authorities have said he is not eligible due to him serving a suspended sentence for fraud.

Sobchak is considered the Paris Hilton of Russia, and comes from old, old money. That said, going against Putin and declaring support for Putin’s top rival is not the best idea if one wants to maintain good health and long life. Although it would be great to finally be rid of that KGB bastard.

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Remember The Man, Not The Politics

This is U.S. Army Sergeant La David Johnson. Johnson is a Green Beret who was one of four service members killed in Niger by members of the Islamic State. Johnson was only 25 years old.

Surely you have heard the uproar over the president’s call to Johnson’s widow, and the allegedly “insensitive” remarks he said to her. I am not going to dignify the stories which claim this information – second and third-hard – from Johnson’s grieving mother and the truly despicable Representative Frederica Wilson (Dipshit – FL). I will only dignify that twat by reminding everyone she is a vehement supporter of the angelic god-child Trayvon Martin, and an avid opponent of police officers.

America should be celebrating the lives and sacrifices of Sergeant Johnson and his comrades, while at the same time mourning their deaths. Instead, we have to endure the politicization of am event which should transcend politics. Sadly, that is no longer the case; at least not in 2017 America…

Continue reading “Remember The Man, Not The Politics”

WILSON!

This handsome devil is Christopher Wilson of Clifton Heights, Ohio. Like most red-blooded American males, he appreciates the company of a good woman. When that good woman turns him down, Wilson allegedly gets all Harvey Weinsteiny.

A Clifton Heights man was arraigned Monday for an alleged assault back in May. Christopher Wilson is charged with assault and sexual imposition.

Wilson punched and kicked a woman and tried to get her down on the ground on Wheeler Street on May 29. He’s then accused of groping the woman.

The woman was able to identify Wilson in a lineup. He has a 2-line forehead tattoo that reads in part, “I’m a pornstar”. (H/TAOSHQ)

He’s a pornstar? Damn, I realize the golden age of pr0n is long gone, but this assclown couldn’t get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a handful of bananas.

What Happened? Booze Happened

Hillary Clinton, a woman who will never be president, had to put her – awful – book tour on hold after she allegedly fell UP the steps.

Hillary Clinton hobbled away from filming a British TV show interview on crutches Monday after breaking her toe falling down some stairs.

The former presidential candidate arrived wearing a surgical boot to the BBC program The Graham Norton Show, as she revealed she took a tumble in high heels while holding a cup of coffee. The embarrassing fall forced her to pull out of a series of scheduled TV and radio appearances earlier today including ITV’s This Morning and Woman’s Hour on Radio 4.

She said: ‘I was running down the stairs in heels with a cup of coffee in hand, I was talking over my shoulder and my heel caught and I fell backwards.’

Wait a minute; she was running down the stairs, her heel caught, and she fell backwards? Does that make sense to anyone who hasn’t been drinking Chivas Regal all day?

What Granny McDrinksalot meant to say was, “Secret Service agents were dragging my flabby carcass down the stairs with a cup of rum on hand, I was drooling into the cup, and my tail caught and I fell backwards into Huma Abedin’s pink parts.”

Kaepernick Sacks Himself

MelP brought this beautiful story to my attention yesterday, and it may the the only real joy I’ve had since getting sick. NFL part-time scrub quarterback and full-time social justice warrior Colin Kaepernick filed a collusion grievance against the NFL, claiming every NFL team conspired to not sign the free agent, even though the man is thoroughly unqualified for a starting position.

COLIN Kaepernick delivered a salvo Sunday that will effectively end his NFL career. Desperation and frustration might have prompted his collusion grievance against the league stemming from his continued unemployment, but this much is clear: The polarizing quarterback will never take another snap under center again.

Kaepernick’s transition from signal caller to social justice advocate is now complete. His NFL life is over.

As awesome as the above sweet caramel outer layer is, the delicious vanilla creme filling is below.

Proving collusion, however, will be a Herculean task for Team Kaepernick absent hard evidence. Although there are clear provisions in the Collective Bargaining Agreement prohibiting clubs from working in concert to conspire against players, what are the chances of Kaepernick’s attorney unearthing a smoking gun (texts, emails, etc.) implicating owners in that regard?

More than one story I read stated Kaepernick’s case is nearly impossible to prove, and if this imbecile had any hard evidence, the suit would have been brought before this point. Kaepernick’s only evidence is he wants to play in the NFL, so that should be enough to pay him millions of dollars to fail miserably.

Kaepernick’s antics caused the end of his career, and is quickly causing the end of the NFL as we know it. I am actually uncertain which fate makes me giggle more.

Lisa Spoonauer, 1972-2017

While looking for a photo of yesterday’s first post – a screen capture from the brilliant film, Clerks – I saw a photo of one of the film’s actresses, Lisa Spoonauer. The photo was captioned with a death notice, and apparently Spoonauer passed away in May at the age of 44. The news has made a terrible week even worse.

Lisa Spoonauer, the star of the 1994 cult classic Clerks who died at the age of 44 on May 20, passed away from an accidental overdose of a painkiller.

The actress, who was suffering from cancer, anemia, lung disease, and immune deficiency at the time of her death, died of acute and chronic intravenous use of hydromorphone, a generic brand of the narcotic painkiller Dilaudid, the Ocean County Medical Examiner in New Jersey determined.

Awful, simply awful. I was given Dilaudid during my appendectomy and last year’s abdominal surgery. It’s awesome, but it is very dangerous. With all her maladies, I cannot fault Lisa for doing what she could to relieve the pain, but this is such a loss. Spoonauer was brilliant in Clerks, as well as crazy stupid hot. Hopefully, she is now at peace.

By the way, if you have never seen the film, I wholeheartedly recommend Clerks. I recommend this as a movie buff, and not necessarily because my classmates claimed this is how my friend Brian and I ran the deli where we used to work. (Although we once played hockey inside the deli, not on the roof, like they did in Clerks.)

Caption Contest Winners

The Friday The 13th, Part XXX Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. “We’re out of Oreos?! You need to get your a$$ to the supermarket now, Dad!” – William
4. Hammer? – Check.
Hatchet? – Check.
Pacifier? – Check.
Dry diaper? – Oops! – TXNick
3. The scariest part isn’t the hammer of doom or the bloody ax, its the…Gators Polo Shirt! – Jim
2. “I heard dad tell mom he had major wood so I’m gonna help him chop it….” – INPiker

WINNER! – Don’t ax any questions, I’m getting hammered! – Proof

American Traitor Pleads Guilty

Bowe Bergdahl, the despicable, traitorous coward who deserted his post, pleaded guilty yesterday to charges of desertion and misbehavior before the enemy.

Bergdahl, 31, is accused of endangering his comrades by abandoning his post without authorization. He told a general after his release from five years in enemy hands that he did it with the intention of reaching other commanders and drawing attention to what he saw as problems with his unit.

This indicates that they did not reach a deal to limit his punishment, and that he may be hoping for leniency from the judge, Army Col. Jeffery R. Nance. The misbehavior charge carries a maximum penalty of life in prison, while the desertion charge is punishable by up to five years. (H/TAOSHQ)

This piece of garbage, who claimed he was disillusioned with the war effort and ashamed to be an American, was lauded by the Obama administration after his release. Susan Rice claimed this pig “served with honor and distinction.” Barack Obama welcomed Bergdahl’s parents to the White House (above).

The search for Bergdahl reportedly cost the lives of six American servicemen, and the deal made to release this traitor resulted in the freeing of five Taliban terrorists. I sincerely hope the guilty plea was not part of some larger deal. Bowe Bergdahl should be placed before a firing squad, and it should be broadcast on national television.

Moaning Lisa Smile

Saturday was the start of my daywork tour, which usually coincides with my lack of patience for stupid people. I am not a morning person, so when I enter the local Wawa – it’s an east coast convenience store chain – at 6am and have to deal with idiots, it angries up the blood.

I walked into the store to get provisions for the workday; specifically, a salad, Diet Mountain Dew, and a few cheese sticks. (I’m trying to be less fat.) While walking to the checkout line, this Jewish woman is berating one of the workers behind the sandwich counter. Now normally, I would ignore such ignorant people, turn on my inner music playlist, and go about my day, but this woman went above and beyond the usual criticisms.

The woman was placing a breakfast order, and was ranting about a specific ingredient, which I did not catch. The conversation went like this…

Woman: “Why are you smiling at me?”
Wawa worker: “Ma’am?”

Woman: “Why are you smiling at me? Do you think my order request is a joke?”
Wawa worker: “Not at all.”

Woman: Yes you do. I told you I am allergic to dairy and you’re smiling at me. I want to speak to a manager!”

A manager approaches the woman.

Manager: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?
Woman: “I gave this person a specific order and he keeps smiling at me. I DO NOT want him handling my food.”

Manager: “Okay ma’am, I will be happy to make your order.”
Woman: “Why are you smiling at me?!!”

Now, this woman did not seem outwardly deranged, but she certainly had issues. Issues which would have – on most other day – gotten her pistol-whipped. Luckily for her, self-control got the better of me.

I’ve mentioned this before, but my mother was a waitress for years. I know what people in service industries have to endure, so I try to be non-confrontational. If my order is not perfect, I always suck it up. I never raise my voice. I don’t believe in tipping; I believe in over-tipping. Even if the service is absolutely awful, I will still leave something.

When I got to my cashier, I actually apologized for that woman’s misconduct, because I was embarrassed for her. Sadly, the woman will continue living her pathetic, hate-filled life believing others were placed on Earth simply to serve her.