Caption Contest Winners

The To Infinity And Beyond Caption Contest Is Now Over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Flesh Gordon’s spaceship got treatment for Peyronie’s Disease. Thanks for modern medicine. – Mark
4. And the first flying F**k award goes to. – Gary Moore
3. I’ve seen dildos in thrift shops that looked better put together than this thing. – MelP
2. Mysterious one-eyed spacecraft could not stay aloft for four hours. – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – Prick in dick getting airsick. – RudyTBone

Uncle Grandpa

So, my sister was not content with having an only child, so she and her husband decided to have another.

Can you imagine having two kids? What kind of psycho would do such a thing?

Brooke Cathleen Suboleski entered the world on July 24th, at 8:26am. She weighed in at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, and was 20.5 inches long.

I’m entirely too old to be an uncle again, but I am old enough to yell at my sister, who had to have a C-section. She actually thinks she can attend her friend’s wedding in a few days. Yeah, good luck with that.

We’re Number One… With A Bullet

As of the end of last week, the city of Philadelphia has earned themselves an infamous honor. The city has the highest per capita homicide rate in America. Congratulations, Philadelphia!

As of Thursday, the number of homicide victims in Philadelphia this year is up to at least 314 people. That’s up 35% from this time last year.

Philadelphia now has the highest murder rate in the country per capita of the country’s 10 largest cities.

More than one-third of the shootings have happened in just five zip codes in North Philadelphia, Hunting Park, West Philadelphia, Kingsessing, Kensington and Port Richmond.

The first two neighborhoods are located in my division, so this feels like an Olympic gold medal for me and my fellow officers. I mean, we do our best to stop people from killing themselves, but the mayor, police commissioner and the Soros-appointed DA just won’t let that happen. Can’t exactly limit homicides if no one is going to prosecute the shooters, amirite?

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Meet Karolína Plíšková, a tennis player from the Czech Republic.

Karolina is one of the best women’s tennis players on the planet, and was the number one ranked singles player in 2017. As you can see, she is also crazy stupid hot, which seems to be a pattern in more than a few eastern European countries.

Karolína Hrdličková (born 21 March 1992), born and known professionally as Karolína Plíšková, is a Czech professional tennis player. She is a former world No. 1 in singles, reaching the top of the Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) rankings on 17 July 2017 and holding the position for eight weeks.

She has reached two Grand Slam singles finals at the 2016 US Open and the 2021 Wimbledon Championships. As a junior, Plíšková won the girls’ singles event at the 2010 Australian Open. She has also played for the Czech Republic in Fed Cup competition.

Karolína is one of the favorites in Tokyo, and her 6’2″ frame gives her an advantage.

There are more photos below the fold…

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Jacksonville Gets A Deserving Sculpture

The city of Jacksonville, Florida has commissioned a monumental sculpture in the Northbank area. After you’re done reading, let me know what you think the sculpture reads.

The future of the former home of the Jacksonville Landing is now more clear after a city committee on Thursday selected a design firm to redevelop the Northbank site.

Perkins & Will, which received the highest marks out of three designs presented to the Downtown Investment Authority (DIA), was picked to redevelop Riverfront Plaza with a beer garden, a hotel, a play area and a 150-foot “Jax” sculpture. The “One Park Jax” design also has plans for a river terrace, a park pavilion building, a sky garden, which includes outdoor dining options and a bike and pedestrian connection to the Main Street bridge.

I mean, I get the idea of the sculpture, but I don’t read this as “Jax.” I read it as something a thousand times funnier, but that’s just me.

Okay, I Laughed Out Loud

Remember a year ago, when a gaggle of Hollywood frauds made commercials claiming “We’re all in this together?” Then they went beck to their lavish lifestyles, ran around without masks, and otherwise lived their lives as usual? Well, for those actors still working, life is going to be a bit more cumbersome.

Hollywood studios have received the green light to make COVID-19 vaccinations mandatory for on-set work thanks to a new agreement with the unions that will potentially force tens of thousands of actors and crew members to get the vaccine if they wish to work in the industry.

Hollywood’s unions — including SAG-AFTRA, the Teamsters, the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees (IATSE), and other craft guilds — have reached a tentative agreement with studio representatives on COVID-19 safety guidelines, including a section that allows productions to mandate vaccinations, according to a statement sent to multiple news outlets.

“Producers will have the option to implement mandatory vaccination policies for casts and crew in Zone A on a production-by-production basis,” the statement said.

Look at it this way, Hollywood; now we are really in this together. You clowns will be forced to get the vaccine, and possibly deal with some of the side effects attached to it. I wish you good luck. *Not really.

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Meet Olga Kharlan.

Olga is a ridiculously talented fencer, and already has two Olympic bronze medals in fencing (2016, 2012).

Olha Hennadiyivna Kharlan (Ukrainian: born 4 September 1990) is a Ukrainian sabre fencer. She holds a bronze medal from both the 2016 Summer Olympics and the 2012 Summer Olympics and is a four-time World champion (2013, 2014, 2017 and 2019) and five-time European champion.

She was Olympic team champion in the 2008 Summer Olympics, twice World team champion (2009 and 2013) and twice European team champion. Kharlan was named athlete of the year at the 2009 Ukrainian Heroes of Sports Years awards. She briefly pursued a political career.

Imagine having this gorgeous woman being your representative. Good grief, I would be at her office every single day volunteering to fill her envelopes, if you know what I mean.

There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day”

The Tub Needs A Seat Belt

A hotel in Switzerland has a bizarre feature in one of its rooms. Apparently, the bathtub rolls out to the balcony overlooking the scenic estate, which is perfect if you want some Swiss Miss to see your twig and berries.

At the hotel Auberge aux 4 Vents in Fribourg, Switzerland, a gold painted bathtub on rails is available for guests to use that automatically rolls out to the balcony.

The luxurious bath was shared by Felix Unholz, as he sat in the tub whilst it rolled out of a window onto a small balcony specially designed for the bath. As the windows opened he rolled out with a full bath of bubbly water to relax in, whilst he admired the stunning Swiss countryside from his room on the second floor.

Felix said: “We saw the hotel room on the internet, we instantly knew that we had to stay there for a night.

Imagine you’re sitting on the balcony, enjoying the view, when a bearded vulture lands in the tub and thinks your Johnson is a delicious worm. Yeah, I’ll pass.

You can see the tub in action below the fold…

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The Bikini Files

Members of Norway’s handball team were fined $1,770 for daring to wear shorts instead of bikini bottoms. Obviously, I would obviously prefer to watch the Norway women in bikinis, but this is a stupid rule.

Members of the Norway beach handball team are speaking out after they were fined by the sport’s governing body for wearing shorts instead of the required bikini bottoms.

According to the European Handball Federation, which fined the team $1,770, the members who wore shorts instead of bikini bottoms broke uniform requirements implemented by the International Handball Federation (IHF).

I understand that’s the rule, but a $1,700 fine seems overofficious to me.

Making an appearance on ITV’s “Lorraine”, two of the team’s members, Tonya Lurstaad and Julia Bird, expressed their frustration with the fine and the rule, saying there is “no good reason” why the women on the team should be required to wear bikini bottoms instead of shorts.

There is actually a very good reason; so guys like me can ogle them as they’re playing handball. Duh, this isn’t brain science, it’s rocket surgery!

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Meet Pauline Ferrand-Prevot. The lovely and talented 29-year old French cyclist will be competing in Tokyo, and she comes with a fairly impressive resume.

Pauline Ferrand-Prévot (born 10 February 1992) is a French multi-discipline bicycle racer, who currently rides for UCI Elite Mountain Bike team Absolute–Absalon–BMC in cross-country cycling. Ferrand-Prévot has also competed in road bicycle racing and cyclo-cross during her career, winning the world title in each discipline. During the 2015 season, aged just 23, she became the first person ever – in the history of cycling – to simultaneously hold the World road title, World cyclo-cross title and World cross-country mountain bike title.

Ferrand-Prévot is a six-time elite world champion and a thirteen-time elite national champion across the various disciplines in which she competes. She was the youngest competitor in the Women’s road race at the 2012 Summer Olympics, in which she finished eighth.

Yeah, she’s not exactly a slouch, but if she would like to slouch herself on my couch… well, I’ve said too much. There are more pictures below the fold…

Continue reading “Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day”