Caption Contest Winners

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The Poutine In His Hands Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. “Go ahead, Trudeau, tell me how large my hands appear.” – Metoo
4. “Slip me some skin, brother!” – Proof
3. “So tell me about these white-walkers…. I have an idea how to keep them out…” – Sully
2. Trudeau: “Yeah, I’m not shaking that hand, I know where it’s been.” – CCRDad

WINNER! – Trump: “Here’s a list of the last administrations accomplishments.” – Toothy

Flat-Bottomed Whorls

kyrie-irvingMeet Kyrie Irving. Irving plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers, and agreed to do an interview during the All-Star break. During the interview, Irving showcased his genius for all the world to see.

Irving made headlines when he questioned the shape of the Earth on a conspiracy theory-themed episode of the Road Trippin’ podcast with teammates Richard Jefferson and Channing Frye.

‘This is not even a conspiracy theory,’ Irving told Jefferson and Frye while recording the podcast on an airplane. ‘The Earth is flat. The Earth is flat… It’s right in front of our faces. I’m telling you, it’s right in front of our faces. They lie to us.’

Told that there is photo evidence that the Earth is in fact round, Green offered this response: ‘Who’s to say that picture is telling the truth?… I’m not saying I think it’s flat. I don’t know. But it could be’.

You know, if we harnessed Irving’s brain power, we could probably toast some bread. Lightly.

McCain Struck By The Back Of His Rand

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While I believe he is a very good senator, I differ with Rand Paul on many issues; particularly his protectionist nature. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with his takedown of aging fossil John McCain yesterday. It’s high time someone put that jackass in his place.

Sen. Rand Paul (Ky.) ripped fellow Republican Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) Sunday after McCain criticized President Trump’s escalating war of words with the media.

“Everything that he says about the president is colored by his own personal dispute he’s got running with President Trump, and it should be taken with a grain of salt, because John McCain’s the guy who’s advocated for war everywhere,” Paul said.

John McCain is also the guy who stabs every true conservative in the back for the sake of media acceptance. I love you, Arizona, but really, can you do no better than this toad?

Paul said there has no effort by the Trump administration to suppress the media, noting that no legislation has been offered to curb press freedoms. Paul argued that McCain has a history of being wrong major foreign policy questions.

“I would say John McCain’s been wrong on just about everything over the last four decades. He advocated for the Iraq War, which I think destabilized the Middle East.”

Interesting how the media loved McCain in the 2008 primaries, then decided he was a douche during the general election. They hated him for eight years, but have now embraced him; conveniently after he started attacking Trump. McCain and Miss Lindsey need to retire to Statler and Waldorf’s balcony.

She Doesn’t Know Him From Adam

beatrice-gibbs-and-adam-gilletMeet Beatrice Gibbs and Adam Gillet of Milton Keynes, England. Beatrice and Adam are madly in love; so much so Adam lets Beatrice spread her legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the Shire.

Sadly for Adam, the spreading is not reciprocated.

That’s not the case of Adam Gillet and Beatrice Gibbs, from Milton Keynes, Britain. 27-year-old Adam has agreed to let his 22-year-old girlfriend sleep with other men, for fear that he would otherwise lose her. However, Beatrice is not okay with him seeing other women.

Is Beatrice crazy stupid hot? Yes. Is she hot enough to forbid her boyfriend to boink other women while she sleeps with other guys? Oh hell no!

Beatrice is free to sleep with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, as long as she’s honest with Adam about it. He doesn’t have the same privileges, though, as his girlfriend claims that she couldn’t handle the thought of him being with another woman.

In America, we guys would call Beatrice a C U Next Thursday.

Luckily, she apparently has nothing to worry about, as Adam insists he’s not interested in chasing other women.

And a collective sigh of relief emanates from Britain’s fairer sex. Look at this guy. It’s like he is auditioning for an X-Men: Wolverine parody porno film.

Sunday Services

emily-ratajkowski-sexy

This week’s worship centers upon actress/model Emily Ratajkowski. Emily is a kooky Bernie Sanders fan, but she is 1. crazy stupid hot, and 2. a stand-up kind of gal. To wit:

Model and actress Emily Ratajkowski attended a party on Sunday night, where she at one point ended up seated next to a New York Times reporter. During a conversation, the reporter called Melania Trump a “hooker,” according to Ratajkowski. Ratajkowski was having none of it and she took to Twitter to denounce the comment that she perceived as a major act of slut-shaming.

Ratajkowski is no President Trump fan. Much of her Twitter feed is filled with messages that counter or protest his agenda. But as she points out in her very first tweet, regardless of a person’s political views, they shouldn’t be subjected to sexually demeaning comments or slut-shaming.

The reporter was eventually outed as Jacob Bernstein, the despicable son of Carl Bernstein and the late Nora Ephron. Bernstein apologized for his comments on Twitter, but the New York Times took no disciplinary action against Jacob. Shocker, huh?

Bernstein would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for that meddling Ratajkowski…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

Hey Abbott!

texas-governor-greg-abbottEven before the dust settled after Super Bowl LI, an NFL spokesman addressed the media and stated Texas’ pending bathroom law would place future NFL events in jeopardy.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott responded to the threat today in true Texas fashion.

Senate Bill 6 would require transgender people to use restrooms based on their “biological sex” in government buildings, schools and universities.

Oh my god, the horror!

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said the NFL should govern football, not politics. He said that the NFL has its own share of problems, such as players committing acts of violence against women and not standing for the national anthem.

“The last thing the NFL needs to do is to get into the business of telling states how to operate their own political operations,” Abbott said. “The NFL has no business whatsoever trying to get into the politics of various states. The NFL has its own problems that it must fix.”

God bless Texas! You would think after this season’s plummeting ratings, the NFL would shut its collective pie holes.

The sooner the NFL learns they need us more than we need them, this garbage will cease immediately.

Prayers, Please

Pink Javelina

Princess P will be spending this evening at St. Christopher’s Hospital for Children. She has been having throat issues and some trouble sleeping, so the doctor scheduled a sleep study. They think she may be dealing with sleep apnea, a diagnosis which freaks me the hell out.

The other issue is Julia’s tonsils. The ENT doctor said they were unusually large, and after the sleep study we may have to have a conversation about having hers removed.

As of now, I will be spending the night with Princess P, and I expect to get zero sleep. I’ll bring a book and pump myself full of caffeine in case there are any issues. The Princess is not worried about the visit, and hopefully, everything will go smoothly.

If you’re the religious type, a prayer or two would be appreciated.

UPDATE: The sleep study went well. Julia fell asleep – eventually – and I got about an hour’s sleep. We’ll know the results sometime this week.

Jimmie Crack Scorn…

repairing-road-with-jimmiesAn anonymous Philadelphian encouraged his fellow citizens to taste the rainbow after he filled a street crack with rainbow sprinkles.

A South Philadelphia woman seemed surprised to find them. “Does this have a secret meaning??” Rebecca Kenton posted to a popular neighborhood Facebook group. “Somebody filled the 8 foot long crack in the alley outside my house with cupcake sprinkles.”

Jimmies? Sprinkles? That’s a long running debate, even among Philadelphians. But yup, they’re there. Our photographer snapped these shots at Fitzwater and Mildred streets between Eighth and Ninth near the Italian Market.

Keisha McCarty-Skelton, a spokeswoman for the Streets Department, has been working in the department for more than 15 years. “The Streets Department does not encourage residents to perform maintenance using unsuitable materials,” McCarty-Skelton wrote in an email. “Appropriate materials are used to do repairs; ice cream toppings are not one of them.” (H/T – Jim F.)

In fairness, McCarty-Shelton only observed the unfinished repairs. It would be best if she reevaluated the situation after the caramel syrup is used to solidify the patch.

Weenie Todd

chuck-todds-bitter-bitter-tearsCompletely impartial media hack Chuck Todd suffered a case of teh sadz yesterday after watching President Trump’s press conference. Chuckie was specifically appalled at Trump’s – in my opinion, warranted – attacks on the mainstream media.

In a tweet sent during President Donald Trump‘s Thursday press conference, MSNBC host Chuck Todd indicated he didn’t find the bizarre hour-long back-and-forth with reporters all that humorous.

The Meet the Press host live tweeted the spectacle, at times sending tweets that indicated he didn’t believe the president was telling the truth. But Todd found Trump’s constant delegitimization and labeling the press “fake news” the most dangerous aspect.

Mmm… his tears are delicious! If Todd claims delegitimizing the media is “un-American,” then by that standard, so is delegitimizing a democratically-elected president.

As I replied on Twitter, Chuck Todd lives in a world where the MSM has First Amendment rights, but President Trump does not. Ironically, he and his ilk delegitimized themselves.