Newspapers Beclown Themselves Again

This story broke a few days ago, but I wanted to mention it. More than one hundred newspapers – does anyone even read newspapers anymore? – have scheduled a coordinated attack on President Trump tomorrow. So, in other words, it will be a day ending in “y.”

The Boston Globe has enlisted more than 100 newspapers from across the country to publish editorials fighting back against President Trump’s repeated attacks on the media.

The Globe has been contacting editorial boards and asking them to publish an editorial on Thursday, CNN reported Saturday.

“We propose to publish an editorial on August 16 on the dangers of the administration’s assault on the press and ask others to commit to publishing their own editorials on the same date,” The Globe said in its pitch.

Now, if I’m reading this correctly, a gaggle of newspapers want to prove their integrity… by launching a pre-planned, coordinated attack against the president? The Boston Globe begged and pleaded with their leftist counterparts to join the fray, then claimed it was a grassroots effort.

Even when these clowns attempt to do something noble, they trip over their bias. And people wonder why most newspapers are failing.

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The Saudia Which Broke The Camel’s Back

Meet Philadelphia’s Saudia Shuler (right, in photo). Saudia is a restaurateur who achieved fame for her camel-themed pre-prom event. Now Saudia has achieved infamy.

Saudia Shuler, the North Philly restaurateur who has been dubbed “the camel mom” for her decked-out pre-prom celebrations, has been indicted on eight federal counts of fraud and one count of theft of government funds.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania announced the indictment in a news release. Shuler, 44, is alleged to have not reported work and income “including operating her own restaurant” while collecting Social Security benefits under her disability status. The indictment contended that she defrauded the government out of nearly $37,000.

Shuler, owner of Country Cookin’ on North 22nd Street, first made headlines for lavishing on her son, J.J. Eden, a Dubai-themed prom sendoff that included a live camel and three foreign cars, among other features. (H/T – Bill)

Well, I’m sure Saudia’s restaurant, home, stocks, bonds, and annuities would get her one percent of the way toward the $37,000 goal. Let’s go, people; open your wallets!

Democrat Accused Of Domestic Assault

Congressman Keith Ellison has been accused of domestic assault by his former girlfriend. The girlfriend’s son claims there is video of the incident. *runs to get popcorn*

Keith Ellison, one of the leading candidates to be Minnesota’s next attorney general, confronted allegations Sunday of domestic abuse of a former girlfriend that surfaced days before the election that will decide the party’s nominee.

A Muslim man striking a woman? I don’t buy it.

The allegation that the physical abuse was caught on video was posted to Facebook late Saturday night by the woman’s son, four days before Minnesota’s primary election, where Ellison is facing off against four other Democrats for the open attorney general’s seat.

State Rep. Debra Hilstrom, who also is running for the Democratic nomination for attorney general, recirculated the Facebook post and called on Ellison to answer the allegation. Hilstrom was later joined by Democratic candidates Matt Pelikan and Tom Foley, who separately called for Ellison to address the allegation.

Ellison has always been a despicable leftist; race-baiting and accusing Republicans of every atrocity under the sun. Now it’s Keith’s turn, and I’m sure he will not be a fan of his opponents’ calls for answers. Boy do I love leftist-on-leftist crime.

The Blow Me State

Meet Denise Marie Woodrum of Missouri.

Denise is looking for love in all the wrong places, so instead of hustling through the dating scene, she went where everyone finds true love: teh innernetz.

An American woman who smuggled 1kg of cocaine into Australia by hiding the drugs in her high heels was lured to the country by a man she met online, her lawyer claims.

While making her way through customs, the 51-year-old was stopped by officers who promptly discovered just over 1kg of pure cocaine in her luggage.

The Missouri woman lived alone, had health complications and a marriage breakdown before she struck up an ‘intimate relationship’ with a man named Hendrik Cornelius, whom she met online.

Wait, was Hendrick Cornelius the host of Soul Train, or the main orangutan in Planet of the Apes?

In fairness, most Australians probably believe Missouri is the Bogotá of the United States. That said, judging from her photo, Denise definitely isn’t selling cocaine… or using it – too chunky.

Caption Contest Winners

The Double Rainbow All The Way Across This Guy Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. “Hey! Where is the toilet? I thought there was a pot at the end of the rainbow!” – TXNick
4. Turnout for Zimbabwe’s first LGBTQMOUSE parade was unimpressive, but the special effects were kinda cool. – Jim
3. Zimbabwe. The one country in southern Africa with water to spare. This message brought to you by the Zimbabwe Tourism Council. – J-Dub
2. The rainbow tracers on the new beanbag machine gun are about to be a big hit… – Sully

WINNER! – Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection,
Protesters, the tear gas, and me! – Mike AKA Proof

The Hater Rater

A mentally imbalanced woman destroyed her local beach in a scathing review on TripAdvisor. It doesn’t seem Mrs. Earp was the one behind the review. Heh.

Sandcastle enthusiasts have been warned to avoid a certain beach in Cornwall at all costs. That’s because the sand at Perranporth beach is simply ‘too damp’, according to an utterly bizarre review left on TripAdvisor.

A holidaymaker who apparently doesn’t understand how the tide works left the review after making the trip to Perranporth. She complained that the wet sand makes building sandcastles tough, and the beach was ‘far too busy’ for her liking.

Really? A beach is busy in August? Maybe you should plan next year’s beach holiday closer to Boxing Day, you pretentious twit.

Flight

An employee at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport took an unoccupied plane for a joyride before crashing it near Puget Sound. Sadly, Richard Russell refused to place his sanity in the upright position.

The theft of an empty plane by a suicidal baggage handler who performed dangerous loops before crashing in Seattle has exposed cracks in security and illustrated the potential perils of airport employees causing mayhem.

Richard Russell, a 29-year-old Horizon Air employee, hijacked the 76-seat plane from the maintenance area at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and somehow managed to take off on Friday night.

The flight lasted about 75 minutes and ended when Russell crashed into a remote island in Puget Sound after being chased by military jets. The entire ordeal has now sparked major concerns about gaps in airport security as investigators try to determine how the heist was even able to occur.

So wait a minute, you mean to tell me strip searching elderly, wheelchair-bound grandmothers is not keeping our airports safe? The hell you say! Now I’m just spit-ballin’ here, but perhaps our nation’s airports could screen their employees as thoroughly as they screen their passengers.

Entertain Yourselves, Dammit!

Today begins my long-awaited and truly welcomed vacation. I will be spending the majority of the next fifteen days either on the beach – preferably without harpoons stuck in my carcass – or in my secret underground basement man cave, playing video games and sweating through my clothes.

The sitrep for the blog is as follows: there will be posts, and I will do my best to post on a regular schedule. That said, after last week’s misery, I may just say “F**k it” and occasionally skip a post or two. For the most part, however, I’ll stay to the schedule.

My plan, especially while at the Jersey shore, is to write non-blog stuff; namely my solo book. Now before everyone – TXNick in particular – starts going crazy, I have been writing here and there for a while, and I am three chapters in. I still have a long way to go, but as Mrs. Earp has reminded me, we really need to bring some money in for Kyle’s college choices. The city is slashing our overtime, and my court has dried up of late.

That brings up my dilemma. I can either go whole hog into the book or the blog, but not both. I am trying to keep the balance, but if posts are lighter than you imagined the next two weeks, it’s because I’m working on the book. I actually think it’s coming along well, and I don’t hate the story yet. We’ll see.

So, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to finish packing and drive two hours to the Jersey shore… possibly while naked.

Sunday Services

Today’s services feature an actor who has appeared in many of my favorite films: Michael Fassbender.

Michael Fassbender (born 2 April 1977) is an Irish actor. His feature film debut was in the fantasy war epic 300 (2007) as a Spartan warrior; his earlier roles included starring roles on television such as in the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers (2001). Subsequent roles include in the independent film Fish Tank (2009), as a Royal Marines lieutenant in Inglourious Basterds (2009), as Edward Rochester in the 2011 film adaptation of Jane Eyre, as Carl Jung in A Dangerous Method (2011), as the sentient android David 8 in Prometheus (2012) and its sequel, Alien: Covenant (2017).

In 2011, Fassbender debuted as the Marvel Comics supervillain Magneto in X-Men: First Class, and went on to share the role with Ian McKellen in X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014), and reprised it again in X-Men: Apocalypse (2016).

I literally had no idea Fassbender was in 300, and I’ve seen that film a hundred times. There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

The Eyes Of Laura’s Cars

Meet Laura Davis.

Laura was so excited when she earned her driver’s license. So excited, in fact, she had it suspended four times by the state of Florida. Well, I guess we better make it five.

St. Johns County Deputies said that Lauren Davis, 22, was driving with a license that had been suspended four times by the state.

Davis was driving on Nocatee Parkway when she slammed the brakes on her 2008 Honda Element in an act of road rage. A deputy witnessed the incident. When Davis was pulled over, she immediately admitted that she had road rage because she had been cut off by another car.

The deputy who pulled her over smelled marijuana and asked Davis if she had any in her car, the report said. Davis then held up a plastic bag from her center console. Davis told deputies the bag held one ounce of marijuana.

She seems nice, although the post-weed munchies are really taking its toll. Laura, when you get out, start smoking crack; it’ll thin out your face.