Strangers With Candy

Reese's Peanut Butter CupsBy now, most of you have awakened from your diabetic comas, and are ready to resume your lives. Of course, if you’re like me, you have a metric butt-load of candy sitting on your dining room table, calling out your name.

Resistance is futile. You will be broken, and you will seek out your favorite candy.

In that vein, Yahoo penned this story, detailing the link between candy and opinions on celebrities.

Research firm Ranker analyzed data collected from polling people about their favorite Halloween candy and cross referenced the results against its other consumer stats to see how people’s candy preferences correlated to their celebrity preferences.

Ranker found people who voted in favor of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are favorable to Ryan Gosling and Mila Kunis, but disliked Sarah Jessica Parker.

People who love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (like most of America) are the most likely to dislike the Kardashians. (H/TKari)

My all-time favorite candy is Caramel Creams, but since my rat bastard neighbors won’t dish them out, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups win by default. They are Heaven in a package. The Kardashians, on the other hand, are putrid cellulite-ridden meat in a package. I disapprove of their very existence.

I can take or leave Ryan Gosling, but being a red-blooded American male, I would like to give Mila Kunis the best thirty twenty ten seconds of her life.

The proof this analysis was rock-solid, however, lies with Sarah Jessica Parker. If loving PB Cups – and hating that horse-faced bush pig – is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

8 thoughts on “Strangers With Candy

  1. I love Reese’s PB cups. SJP and the Kardash-holes, not so much. I guess that study really is scientific. More so than most of the crap they pass off about climate change, at any rate.

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  2. Wonder what it says if Twix are your fav??? I do despise the Kardashians. It always amazes me that people are famous simply because they are a piece of human excrement.

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  3. Jim – The Cups have a lot of carbs, but they can easily be worked off with Mila in the room.

    John – I was surprised the results so specifically coincided with my views, and they probably didn’t receive a ridiculous government grant for the study. Heh, Kardash-holes. I gotta steal that one.

    Metoo – Twix are awesome, but for some reason, my two youngest don’t like them. I obviously failed as a father.

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