Go Speed Racer Go!

Homer Simpson Vibrating ChairLast week I took my mother to my doctor’s appointment, because the doc wanted to ask her some questions about my prior history and so forth. I volunteered to be chauffeur for the half-hour drive, and mom and I caught up on things.

The doctor’s appointment was brief and uneventful, except when mom had to observe my colon exam. (Okay, I made that up. The doctor actually checked my testicles for lumps.)

Mom was quiet on the way home, and about ten minutes in I asked her what was wrong. She paused, then said, “You drive really fast.”

I slammed on the brakes, and mom’s head hit the windshield. I then verbally abused her while she bled all over her cashmere sweater. I stand by my decision.

I asked mom if she was serious, and she confirmed she was. I was a tad offended, not because she was wrong – she isn’t – but because she said it. I promised her I would slow down (a little), but offered her a viable explanation:

“Mom, I drive fast because I’m a police officer. We’re trained to drive fast. I also drive fast because I’m a police officer, and I can do whatever I want.”

4 thoughts on “Go Speed Racer Go!

  1. I got pulled over for my first and only speeding ticket at the ripe old age of 62. Mind you, I have handicapped plates and a lead foot. I am so fortunate I hadn’t been stopped before this. The officer was a young man fairly new to the job. Upon looking at my birth date and the handicapped plates offered this little tidbit. “You are almost 60 and have handicap plates. If this were under different circumstances I’d say ‘you go girl’.” Instead he knocked 15 mph off the ticket so they didn’t take my license and I promised to drive within the limits. I probably kept that promise for 3-4 days. I was going 88 mph in a 65. My kids drive the speed limit which makes me a little crazy. I have places to go and people to see.

    Liked by 1 person

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