Sunday Services

This week’s homily will feature the delectable Charlize Theron. Theron was born in South Africa, and if Lethal Weapon 2 taught me anything, it’s that everyone from South Africa is a racist drug dealer hell-bent on killing cops.

Theron was born in Benoni, in the then-Transvaal Province of South Africa, the only child of Gerda Jacoba Aletta and Charles Jacobus Theron. Second Boer War figure Danie Theron was her great-great-uncle. She is from an Afrikaner family, and her French forebears were early Huguenot settlers in South Africa.

She grew up on her parents’ farm in Benoni, near Johannesburg. On 21 June 1991, Theron’s father, an alcoholic, physically attacked her mother and threatened both her and her mother while drunk; Theron’s mother then shot and killed him. The shooting was legally adjudged to have been self-defense.

Although Theron is fluent in English, her first language is Afrikaans.

I wonder what the Afrikaans word for smoldering is? Oh wait, it’s “smeulende.” I just now looked that up.

There are more photos below the fold…

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If there was a prefect time to use the word “heaving,” I believe I found it.

Below is Charlize from “Two Days in the Valley.” Personally, I would rather spend at least a week in her valley, but my endurance is virtually superhuman.

Every woman should wear a top like this. Well, every attractive woman, anyway.

If you need me… well, you get the point.