Sedated In The 80’s

Summer Heat

Yesterday I experienced one of those days where I just wanted to scream, “If you people don’t leave me the f**k alone I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain’t burned to the ground!”

It started innocently enough, as I walked to my desk to find it was eighty f**king degrees in the building! Now I don’t mind working up a good sweat by walking, playing lacrosse, or slipping some lucky gal the pickle, I would rather not sweat when I f**king type!

So after I sopped up the sweat from my butt-crack, my sergeant approached me and told me I would not be going to the pistol range tonight because I am apparently too valuable an employee. (A sentiment never uttered in my direction in forty-seven years.) The other detective who works the front desk took a day off to see a classic rock concert – I think Hot Tuna is headlining – so I cannot be awarded the stress relief of firing a few hundred rounds at targets I imagine are the people who annoy me.

Namely, you guys.

So tonight is going to suck, and I will be more irascible than ever. If that’s even possible.

After I was denied my opportunity for range time, the 39th District called stating they had a founded shooting. Five minutes later, it was determined to be a double shooting, and ten minutes after that, a triple. For all I know, they are still finding victims of the carnage. So we had that going for us, which is nice.

Oh, and before you think yesterday was a bad day, look what I found Monday…

This delicious specimen was walking on the ceiling directly above my desk – where I eat – Monday evening. I adopted him and named him George.

District Roach

Unfortunately, George murdered three detectives and ate their bones moments later, so George and I had to go our separate ways. My coworker used the ruler for scale, just in case you were wondering how big mutant Philly cockroaches get.

Dead Roach

So, how’s your week going? Good?

11 thoughts on “Sedated In The 80’s

  1. Okay, you win; your week sucks a lot more than mine. I just have to deal with the average college liberal who rarely engages their brain before spewing their left wing ideology my way. Fortunately, I deal more with students than faculty and can actually get a few to start thinking for themselves. So, was the cockroach your appetizer on Monday?

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  2. Yup you da winner. Hope you deveined that little bugger before eating him. And check to make sure none of the legs got stuck in your teeth.

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  3. Looks like what we call a sewer roach. Suckers can get to be big enough to drive a car. Lots of’em lose all but two legs and start walking the streets begging for cash.

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  4. My old office mate was a potential homicidal maniac. It ran in the family, since his brother shot up a high school out here in Colorado a few years back. (For real, I’m not kidding.) But, I digress. I left that job and now have the best job I have ever had. I LOVE going to work. My coworkers are awesome, the benefits are awesome, the hours are awesome, and in general it is the BEST job I have ever had. Not only that, but I get to sleep with my boss and do all kinds of things to wild to her I won’t detail here. Along with Proof, pants are even optional too. I plan on staying with this job for the rest of my life unless the pay gets too lousy. I love retirement.

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  5. Mike – That’s where it came from. There is a drain in the janitor’s closet, and we’re pretty sure it slid out of there.

    Proof – Pants are optional for me while I’m sitting at my desk. Damned fascists make me put them on to walk around the office, though.

    RG – Yeah, I have a good 14-15 years before I can retire. Thanks, kids!

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