Yesterday I experienced one of those days where I just wanted to scream, “If you people don’t leave me the f**k alone I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain’t burned to the ground!”
It started innocently enough, as I walked to my desk to find it was eighty f**king degrees in the building! Now I don’t mind working up a good sweat by walking, playing lacrosse, or slipping some lucky gal the pickle, I would rather not sweat when I f**king type!
So after I sopped up the sweat from my butt-crack, my sergeant approached me and told me I would not be going to the pistol range tonight because I am apparently too valuable an employee. (A sentiment never uttered in my direction in forty-seven years.) The other detective who works the front desk took a day off to see a classic rock concert – I think Hot Tuna is headlining – so I cannot be awarded the stress relief of firing a few hundred rounds at targets I imagine are the people who annoy me.
Namely, you guys.
So tonight is going to suck, and I will be more irascible than ever. If that’s even possible.
After I was denied my opportunity for range time, the 39th District called stating they had a founded shooting. Five minutes later, it was determined to be a double shooting, and ten minutes after that, a triple. For all I know, they are still finding victims of the carnage. So we had that going for us, which is nice.
Oh, and before you think yesterday was a bad day, look what I found Monday…
This delicious specimen was walking on the ceiling directly above my desk – where I eat – Monday evening. I adopted him and named him George.
Unfortunately, George murdered three detectives and ate their bones moments later, so George and I had to go our separate ways. My coworker used the ruler for scale, just in case you were wondering how big mutant Philly cockroaches get.
So, how’s your week going? Good?