True Detective Stories

Erin Gray Slapped By Glenn FordA young woman called the division Friday night, and asked to speak to a certain detective. The detective works in the Domestic Violence Unit and was on vacation, so she wanted to know if I could help her.

I’m pretty inept at helping anyone, but I figured I’d give it the old college try.

The woman said her boyfriend whooped her ass last week – probably for not making him a sammich – and after the assault, she filed a police report. Now, a week later, she was having second thoughts, which is sadly an all-too-common occurrence in our department. The woman had a few questions, and each one was more inane than the next. To wit:

1. “Is it possible to drop charges now, so the arrest warrant is not served?”

I never get tired of hearing this one. No, you cannot simply drop domestic charges days after making a police report. The reason is twofold. First, the detective has already started the process of obtaining an arrest warrant, and that process – once started – can almost never be stopped. Second, imagine who would be blamed if the woman dropped charges, and then was murdered by the suspect? The answer is the po-po, so no, the charges cannot be dropped because you’re back in love again…

2. “Will my report and the arrest warrant be a violation of my boyfriend’s probation?”

Wow. Short answer: Yes. Long answer: YESSSSS! Unless you’re Alan Grayson or Ike Turner, beating your significant other is considered a probation violation. Even if this woman could wave her magic wand and make the arrest warrant disappear, the boyfriend’s probation officer will want to have a frank discussion concerning the height of his pimp hand.

3. “What if I come to the station and tell detectives I lied about the assault?”

Well then, you would be guilty of filing a false police report. You would be arrested, spend at least the weekend in our cell room, and be sent to prison. But hey, if you’d like to do that, I will be in the office until 11pm. Stop on by.

The last question was the one which made blood seem from my eyes, ears, and anus:

4. “Okay, but how long would I be in jail?”

No words. My words have failed me.

This woman took a severe beating, and is ready to risk a year in jail for this thug asshole? Damn, this dude must have a “five-dollar footlong” – if you know what I mean.

2 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. As someone who in a previous marriage was hit a time or two, this woman needs to stick to her guns, go ahead with the arrest warrant and never see this guy again. When my daughter asked if I needed her to call 911 for me…I left. It was the one and only time he laid a hand on me, but it only takes once and I knew I needed to set an example for my daughter. They are always apologetic afterwards, swear they love you and it will never happen again but I was not willing to take that chance and she shouldn’t be either. Hopefully she follows through with the warrant.


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