A young woman called the division Friday night, and asked to speak to a certain detective. The detective works in the Domestic Violence Unit and was on vacation, so she wanted to know if I could help her.
I’m pretty inept at helping anyone, but I figured I’d give it the old college try.
The woman said her boyfriend whooped her ass last week – probably for not making him a sammich – and after the assault, she filed a police report. Now, a week later, she was having second thoughts, which is sadly an all-too-common occurrence in our department. The woman had a few questions, and each one was more inane than the next. To wit:
1. “Is it possible to drop charges now, so the arrest warrant is not served?”
I never get tired of hearing this one. No, you cannot simply drop domestic charges days after making a police report. The reason is twofold. First, the detective has already started the process of obtaining an arrest warrant, and that process – once started – can almost never be stopped. Second, imagine who would be blamed if the woman dropped charges, and then was murdered by the suspect? The answer is the po-po, so no, the charges cannot be dropped because you’re back in love again…
2. “Will my report and the arrest warrant be a violation of my boyfriend’s probation?”
Wow. Short answer: Yes. Long answer: YESSSSS! Unless you’re Alan Grayson or Ike Turner, beating your significant other is considered a probation violation. Even if this woman could wave her magic wand and make the arrest warrant disappear, the boyfriend’s probation officer will want to have a frank discussion concerning the height of his pimp hand.
3. “What if I come to the station and tell detectives I lied about the assault?”
Well then, you would be guilty of filing a false police report. You would be arrested, spend at least the weekend in our cell room, and be sent to prison. But hey, if you’d like to do that, I will be in the office until 11pm. Stop on by.
The last question was the one which made blood seem from my eyes, ears, and anus:
4. “Okay, but how long would I be in jail?”
No words. My words have failed me.
This woman took a severe beating, and is ready to risk a year in jail for this thug asshole? Damn, this dude must have a “five-dollar footlong” – if you know what I mean.