True Detective Stories

chief-wiggum-air-quotesMy current position allows me to oscillate – yeah, that’s right; oscillate – between stupid citizens and stupid cops. Last week’s episode centered around a stupid caller. This week…

This cop – we’ll call him “Courage” – walks into the division with a victim in tow. Courage has the victim sit in the hallway and begins explaining the job.

Apparently, the victim agreed to met a chaste young woman inside a vacant house to negotiate a drug sex deal. Shocks of all shocks, when the victim arrived, three troubled churchgoing men jumped him, beat him up, and took his drugs money. The victim claimed he “knew the guys from the neighborhood,” but since this is Philadelphia, the victim only knew them by their nicknames – most likely, Spanky, Alfalfa, and Boo.

Okay, it’s a run-of-the-mill bullshit drug deal-turned-robbery. I assigned the job to a detective and he brought the victim in for an interview. Five minutes later, the detective pulled Courage out to the lobby and began berating him, saying things like, “That’s your job!” and so forth. The detective returned, finished the interview, and Courage took the victim home…

The detective came up to the front where the sergeant and I were sitting and explained the shenanigans:

“You’re not going to believe this, but I’m going to tell you, anyway. The cop picks up the victim across the street from where the robbery took place, and even though the victim said the property was vacant, the officer refused to check to see if the doers were still there.”

I replied with a simple, “Wow,” and he continued.

“But wait, there’s more. While driving the victim here, the cop passed one of the doers. The victim said, ‘That’s one of the guys who robbed me!’ but the cop refused to stop.”

At this point, our sergeant was into full-blown facepalm.

“So I ask this cop why the hell didn’t he stop the doer and lock him up. Guess what he tells me? He says, ‘I couldn’t stop him. I was working alone.’ This jackass was too scared to stop a robbery suspect because no one was there to hold his hand. And he’s not new; the guy has five years on the job!”

The moral of the story? If you feel like committing a crime in Philly, please do so when Courage is working. You’ll get away scot-free.

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6 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Philly…where the cops are nervous and the criminals aren’t. Although with the climate out on the streets these days, I hope our men and women in blue are being cautious while performing their duties.

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  2. Metoo – This clown should have notified radio he had a ped stop, exited the car, and locked up the thug. They issue a gun,, and asp, a taser, and handcuffs. If you are afraid to confront a bad guy, you need to find alternative employment.

    Mike – When I got out of the academy I was stationed in East Division, which was one of the worst divisions in the city. We usually led the department in violent crime. I had about a year in and patrolling alone when a saw a guy beating a woman and taking her purse. I jumped out of my car, chased his four blocks, tackled him, cuffed him, and THEN called for backup. If you’re not prepared to enforce the law, if you’re not prepared to take risks, then go work at KFC.

    An arrest situation is never ideal, but the alternative is to let anarchy reign. Courage made his choice. He chose poorly.

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  3. Was Ossillate on your word the day calendar today? Sorry, I crack myself up some times. Sad when the cops are so afraid of the perps that they make no effort to detain them.

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  4. I always ask in interviews, what is the last physical confrontation you had? Too many reply they never have been in a physical fight. Too many have no idea what getting hit fells like and how to overcome the momentary pain. Worse some of these snowflakes ever faced was a yellow or red card. Boxing was taken out of our academy because it wasn’t fair to smaller cadets. Very little defensive tactics taught because of the risk of injury. Funny thing, these are the Officers that are pointing guns at every shadow, tazing handcuffed people, and just can’t talk to people. I might be showing my age, but there are time you just have to be a bit brave and possibly go hands on. Sorry for the long comment, but some of our biggest problems are self inflicted.

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  5. Ingineer – True story: I was sitting next to my fan in work when I thought of it.

    AV – Agreed wholeheartedly. Nowadays kids don’t fistfight anymore. If there’s an argument they either make a police report or shoot it out. So when the time comes for a physical confrontation, they are woefully unprepared. The results are as you said; a severe escalation in force – or worse, turning a blind eye to crime.

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