True Detective Stories

handcuffed-childYesterday I spent my day, like most holidays, working to keep the people of Philadelphia safe. (Nah, I’m pulling your leg. I can barely keep my food safe from the thieving hands of my coworkers.)

I was, however, present at work last night, and I wasn’t there an hour before the resident MENSA member called the division and told me about his awesome arrest.

“Yeah, I have an 8-year old in custody for an arson. I’m waiting on the Fire Marshal to arrive, but I wanted to give you guys a heads up.”

Gee, thank you Mister Helper. I am so happy you are trolling the streets of Philadelphia looking to arrest toddlers on Thanksgiving. Now before you award yourself the Congressional Medal of Honor, I would like to pee in your Corn Flakes.

First of all, you do not have an arson until the Fire Marshal determines the scene is an arson, so put your chicken abacus away. If the marshal declares the fire was an arson, then you have something.

Second of all, you have nothing! (Sorry I lured you in with that, Officer Dumbass, but it’s the truth.) A person under the age of ten cannot be arrested in Pennsylvania, so even if you saw the kid light the fire, it was captured on video, posted to YouTube, and the kid was wearing a shirt reading, “I start fires,” you still have Dick Bupkis.

Now go get your f**king shinebox.

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3 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. It’s nice to know that Pennsylvania has its quota of stupid. And people think the South has all of them. Who do you think pointed them North and gave them a shove?

    Liked by 1 person

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