A man called police yesterday to make a theft report, claiming his gun was stolen on Friday, December 16th. Ever the conscientious gun owner, the man waited three days to make his report. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Wyatt, why are so handsome and witty?” You are also thinking, “Maybe it took the man three days to notice his pistol was missing?”
Wait until you hear this “victim’s” story.
This toad claimed he was inside a Sunoco Mini-Mart when an unknown person reached into his front pants pocket and took his Glock 19 9mm pistol, which was inside a holster, inside the pocket. The toad claimed he never noticed the unknown person swipe the pistol… from his front pocket.
The Glock is standard issue for my department, so most of us are very familiar with the weapon. A 9mm Glock 19 pistol has plenty of weight to it. There is no way anyone could remove it from your pants pocket without your knowledge.
So this jackass filed an official police report claiming an unknown person – he did not even know the sex of the offender – reached into his front pants pocket, grabbed a weighty Glock pistol, removed it from the holster, then from his pocket without the man ever noticing the theft. Uh-huh.
Worse still, the man gave us attitude when we dared to question his bullshit story. God, I love this job.