Hard Wired

icon-smart-condomA British tech company is taking gland-to-gland combat into the 21st Century with the release of their smart condom.

The self-described “world’s first smart condom,” i.Con, allows users to track their speed, velocity, and caloric burn during sexual intercourse.

Does it warn you before you’re about to bang an ugly chick, because that should be the prime directive of a smart condom.

“Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse?” asks i.Con on their product page. “How many thrusts? Speed of your thrusts? The duration of your sessions? Frequency? How many different positions you use in the period of a week, month or year? Ever wondered how you stack up to other people from around the world?”

Oh absolutely, because my greatest desire is having a woman tell me how small I am compared to some dude in Botswana.

The “smart condom,” however, isn’t a condom. According to the product page, “it’s a ring that will sit over a condom at the base, which you can use over and over again.” (H/T – Redneck Geezer)

So ladies, your only concern is knocking boots with a serial man-whore refuses to wash the ring.



7 thoughts on “Hard Wired

  1. RG – I’m sure the data can be whipped out anywhere.

    Mike – Preferably without the female voice directions… unless you’re an ugly lonely guy.


  2. Just what every golfer needs, Trackman for the bedroom–clubhead speed, angle of attack, smash factor, sidespin, ball speed, strokes per hole,…it’ll probably put the flagstick back in when you’ve putted out, too…


  3. Metoo – No way… unless the smart condom was designed by a woman. We can’t tell, and usually don’t care. 🙂

    Doc – LOL! Thanks, now I have iced tea dribbling down my shirt.


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