In The Line Of Liar

A Pittsburgh man who picks up dog poop for a living has been arrested after posing as a Secret Service agent. In fairness, both professions have to deal with a lot of shite.

A man whose company scoops up pet poop has been placed on probation for two years and fined $500 for buying fake Secret Service identification cards and badges online to impress women on a dating site.

Pfft, I’ve been posing as a police officer here for years, and it hasn’t landed me even one piece of ass.

Christopher Diiorio, 54, of Greensburg, was sentenced Monday by a federal judge in Pittsburgh. He had pleaded guilty in November to fraudulently using an official seal, but acknowledged behavior in two other counts dismissed Monday: flashing an ID card during a traffic stop and trying to use a Secret Service badge to get a government rate for a hotel room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… we can get a government rate for hotels? Why was I not informed?

“Your honor, I’m not a bad man, I’m a dumb man,” Diiorio told U.S. District Judge Nora Barry Fischer. “What I did was truly stupid and I’m very sorry for that.”

As part of his probation, Diiorio must pick up after drunken agents who poop themselves, or take a dump in public. You’d be surprised how often that happens.

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5 thoughts on “In The Line Of Liar

  1. The guy owns a pooper scooper business and thinks he needs to pretend to be an FBI agent to impress the ladies? Any woman with a dog and a backyard would be bat-shit crazy to not date this man.

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  2. He watched True Lies a few too many times. I read an article last year about a guy pretending to be a cop blew a siren and flashed lights at precinct commander in NYC. Not his brightest moment.

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  3. I’d pay him to pick up after my dog, but I certainly wouldn’t date him. He’d be able to tell the difference between my “gas emissions” and my pups.

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  4. Mike – He’s a double secret probationary agent.

    Cathy – Exactly. He’s an independent businessman!

    Ingineer – I never saw the upside to posing as a cop – even though I’ve done it for two decades. We’re hated by half the country, get paid crap, and are riddled with stress.

    Metoo – Yeah, so much for the blame game.

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