The Dog Days Of Dumber

Meet Michael Long. Long is a Philadelphia police officer who adopted a pit bull out of the kindness of his heart. Shortly thereafter, he tied a blanket around gaunt dog’s neck, placed the dog in a plastic bag, and tossed it into the woods. “Allegedly.”

Michael Long, 33, was arrested Thursday and charged with two counts of animal cruelty, one count for possession of an instrument of a crime and one summary charge of animal cruelty.

On November 23, Barbara Adam was hiking at Wissahickon Valley Park in Philadelphia with her own dog when she found an emaciated two-year-old pit bull in a black plastic bag with a sheet tied around its neck. In addition to being underweight, the dog had infected sores and an ear infection.

Long worked in my division for a few years, and most of us hated his guts. This assclown came out of the police academy knowing everything there is to know about police work.

Oh, he also sported an “F.T.P.” tattoo on his forearm. (For those not in the know, F.T.P. stands for “Fuck The Police.”) I absolutely believe he is capable of committing these despicable acts.

Unfortunately for him, pissflap is long on attitude and short on brains. To wit:

Cranberry was microchipped when Long adopted her last August from the Animal Care and Control Team of Philadelphia. Long was identified as a suspect soon after Cranberry was found.

Way to go, idiot. You’re a regular D.B. Cooper. (The D.B. stands for douchebag.)


8 thoughts on “The Dog Days Of Dumber

  1. What a depraved excuse for a man. Someone should wrap a sheet around his neck, put him in a plastic bag and toss him in a jail cell.


  2. Says a lot about diversity if Philly will hire ANYONE who has an FTP tatoo. Un-f’ing’believable.
    I’d have to admit, he does look like a fine officer. /SARC


  3. How the hell did he get hired with a FTP tattoo?? My husband has been trying for years with no luck and would be amazing. How low are their standards?!!!


  4. RG – There were rumors he dabbled as a pharmaceutical salesman before he entered the academy. Just a rumor, though.

    Jenn – We used to need a high school diploma. Then they demanded some college. Now we’re back to a high school diploma. No wants a thankless job that pays less than nothing.


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