Melissa lives in Jonesboro, Arkansas, a fact so depressing it has driven her to alcoholism. Unfortunately, Melissa has also driven while drunk, and has met many interesting people along the way.
Police said Melissa Tippett, 48, was driving her Ford Taurus without her headlights on Wednesday night, so they decided to pull her over. After one officer noticed an “odor of intoxicants coming from her,” he asked her to walk to his vehicle. That proved to be quite a bitch, as “she kept swaying and losing her balance.”
“Tippett would not spread her feet apart,” the officer said in the report. “I continued to give her verbal commands to spread her feet apart, and Tippett stated no multiple times.”
The officer pulled Tippett’s feet apart in order to search her. “As I was searching Tippett began to urinate, and my left hand was soaked in urine,” the officer said.
Wow, what a pisser. Ironically, the urine cured the officer’s arthritis, and cleared up her eczema.