Slick Nic

Meet Gina Nicole Torrijis of El Paso, Texas.

Don’t let her good looks fool you; Gina is a master criminal, and the leading candidate to take the helm of HYDRA. Don’t believe me? Read on…

About 2 a.m. April 15, El Paso police responded to a burglary call by Gina Nicole Torrijos, 18, who claimed that someone had stolen two Riverside High School cheerleader uniforms from the bedroom dresser at her home in the 1700 block of Shawana Laurie Court near Montwood Drive.

When interviewed by police, the Riverside cheer coach told an investigator that Torrijos had returned one of the uniforms to the school on April 15 after the alleged burglary.

On April 21, Torrijos allegedly told police that she had lied about the burglary and provided a written confession that “stated that she made up the story of the Burglary of Habitation to cover the fact that she wanted to avoid turning in her cheer uniforms to the school,” the complaint states.

Oh my stars! This woman needs to be thrown into Blackgate Penitentiary immediately!

Two points here. First, how awesome was this uniform that Torrijos risked her freedom to to keep it? Was it made of solid gold? Did it give her superhuman powers? Help me out here.

Second, with all due respect to the El Paso Police Department, do you have no more pressing issues to address than a uniform theft? You’re going to threaten this kid with 180 days in jail? For a uniform theft? Bitch, please.

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