Invasion Of The Brain Snatchers

Meet Doug Teixeira and Lindsey Pelton. This obscenely attractive couple were recently arrested in Florida after they were victims of a home invasion.

Sadly, they were also the offenders.

The couple told Volusia County sheriff’s deputies that two men entered their home on Hayward Avenue through a back sliding glass door shortly after 2:30 p.m. Oct. 26. After a brief exchange with the suspects, the husband was shot in the leg and the wife was shot in the arm.

Deputies quickly suspected that something was not right as the home smelled of bleach and they found dried blood in the home and garage.

“If this incident just occurred and they called police right away, why would you have dried blood and why do we have bleach all over the house,” Sheriff Mike Chitwood said.

Chitwood said Pelton shot herself in the lower left forearm and fractured the bone and Teixeira had a bullet enter the rear of his left calf and exit the front of the calf. The injuries are not considered life-threatening.

“They shot themselves for the purpose of committing insurance fraud,” Chitwood said. “They were going to sue the homeowner to collect money.”

When people outside Florida decide to commit insurance fraud, they usually pretend to fall down the steps or claim they have whiplash. That way, they don’t bleed to death during the attempt. Idiots.

6 thoughts on “Invasion Of The Brain Snatchers

  1. What the heck is it with that state anyway? They have to have the dumbest criminals in the entire country!

    Some examples I read about years ago in the “Miami Herald”: (So help me they’re all true!)
    1) The guy who tried to rob a gun store with a knife. This did not end well for the perp.
    2) The guy who pulled a stick up and then stuffed the gun into his waist band causing a fatal self-inflicted wound to the femoral artery.
    3) The clown fleeing Miami PD officers, jumped a security fence landing him in the parking lot of the Dade County Sheriff’s Office.


  2. William – Maybe everyone down there is suffering from sunstroke?

    Proof – Thank you, Dr. Kimble.

    Cathy – The gators are smarter than most of the people.


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