This deadly bout of global warming is the perfect opportunity to remind my female readers to take care of their most important resources: their nipples.
Emergency rooms around the state are normally filled with patients suffering from the flu or from injuries related to snow mobiling, but this year’s cold snap is bringing patients in with an age-old problem.
“When it’s this cold, we try to warn people they’ll chip a nip out there if they aren’t careful,” Maine Medical Center emergency room physician Dr. Sanjay Acharya said.
The medical term for chipped nips is hyperextreme nipple glaciation, and it only occurs when air temperatures drop below 10 degrees Fahrenheit.
If any ladies are in need, my warming services are always free of charge.