My Name Is Not Earl

America saw 1,100 new baby names last year, and most of them are as idiotic as you would imagine.

American babies were given 29,910 distinct names last year. Of those, 1,100 were brand-new ones that hadn’t appeared in the data before 2017, new data on American baby names shows.

The biggest new name is Camreigh, which was given to 91 babies last year, even though it didn’t show up at all in 2016. Camreigh follows the increasingly common practice to replace hard “e” sounds with the “eigh” cluster, as in Ashley/Ashleigh and Riley/Ryleigh. The traditional spelling, “Camry,” has been around for a while, with 113 baby Camrys born in 1997.

Hey dolts, if you’re going to name your child after an automobile, don’t pick a boring car billions of other people drive. Name it something like Lexus or Mercedes. At least that has cachet.

Finally there is Cersei. You read that right: 11 fresh-faced, sinless babies were named after the manipulative, power-hungry, incestuous, helicopter parent-y, backstabbing character from Game of Thrones.

I’ve always advocated for maternity doctors and nurses to have veto power over baby names. Parents choose something like Lakeleigh or Riverleigh – those were actual names this year – the hospital staff immediately vetoes it for the good of the child, and saves it from years of school beatings.

10 thoughts on “My Name Is Not Earl

  1. And to think I hated Rhonda. However, my mom named my brother Randy and myself. The other two boys were named by my dad and they would make the unusual list with Ashley and LeMoine. Parents need to make sure that name is going to work and not cause a beating when they are 2, 52, and 92.

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  2. I remember a girl in Mississippi withe name pronounced, “Sah-fillis.”

    Spelling? “Syphilis.”

    She said her mother heard it somewhere and thought it was pretty.

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  3. TXNick – Sadly, I do not doubt that story.

    Jenn – A few years back we had a report filed from someone named “Southbound 95.” Mom gave birth on the interstate, and named her child that. And no, this is not a joke.

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  4. OK, I have some good ones: a baby was named Euthanasia. And then there were the parents that named their kids after Dizney characters…no, not the princesses. Oh, and just for gits & shiggles, yes, all these kids were in foster care

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