I’m A Sad Panda

This past two weeks have been a nightmare. I’ve been working the night shift, and have spent five days in court on a jury trial – where the D.A. eventually dropped all charges.

For the past three days I have been stuck in a classroom for our annual recertification. The fabulous classes ran the gamut from Legal Updates, to the FBI’s NIBRS training, to Sexual Harassment in the Workplace.

The last class was useless, because you can count the number of attractive Philly cops on one hand. /zing. I’ll rant about it anyway.

The instructor was a freshly-promoted lieutenant whose lecture was about as exciting as bread mold. He was obviously a company man, because he was not only way too into the topic, but also gleefully reminding us we’ll be suspended or fired if we’re found guilty of harassment. (The lieutenant seemed like the guy who talked shop to anyone who’d listen, and always wore a police t-shirt. A definite True Believer.)

As with most MPO classes, the subject was dry and boring. The scenarios were cookie cutter stories we’ve heard a million times, and afterward, the lieutenant cited examples not found in our information packet. To wit, the lieutenant actually said this with a straight face (I’m paraphrasing):

“You and a female partner are working a wagon or a two-person car, and you turn on the radio to a particular station. While driving, a rap song airs, and the song has sexually suggestive lyrics. You may be guilty of sexual harassment, even more so if you do not immediately turn off the radio.”

Some of the officers in the classroom laughed out loud, and I muttered – rather loudly – “Eh, what?”

One supervisor was especially randy after hearing this. “How do you figure, lieutenant? Did I write the lyrics? Am I singing them? What if my partner does not tell me she is offended?”

The lieutenant shot back, “She doesn’t have to tell you. When you hear the lyrics, it’s your duty to turn off the radio or change the channel.”

More raucous laughter.

The supervisor was not having it. “Okay, so say my partner and I are on a call, and we walk into a home with the same song playing. Do I order the homeowner to turn off the radio?”

Silence. The lieutenant had nothing, and he said he “would look into that.”

Ironically, I was sitting next to my sergeant, who is female, and even she said, “This guy – the lieutenant – is out of his damned mind.” Truer words were never spoken.

10 thoughts on “I’m A Sad Panda

  1. Unfortunately, as public employees we’re forced to go to trainings like this (I have to go every 18 months. What ticks me off is there’s no way to know when the 18 months are up, & it’s easy to forget when the deadline is). One of my former co-workers went to a class & when the instructor asked what is sexual harassment, he said “depends on if you’re a Democrat or a Republican.” This happened not too long after Bill C got out of office.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I ways still gainfully employed at a major paint and chemical company we had to go through the same training. And by same training I mean same training. Same videos, same pamphlets, same trainer from corporate HR giving the same talk. I don’t even know why it was necessary. Most of the so called women that worked in our lab were of three types. Warthog, wildebeest or Tasmanian Devil. When I started working there in 1976 there was an unpublished rule about the appearance of the females that were hired. It was called the “Tillie Rule”. This was named after one of the secretaries who was a bit on the shall we say unlovely side. No new hires could be nicer looking than her. I kid you not. This was supposedly instituted to keep the men’s minds on the job and not thinking about getting some kind of “job”…………………..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’d like to tell you, “I feel your pain.” But… since I retired, I don’t feel much pain at all. MelP hit the nail on the head about the definition though.


  4. MelP – It’s arguably the worst time of the year. Unlike my coworkers, I try to do it all in a string. I did three days this week, so the only things I have left are CPR and the Pistol Range.

    Tam – There are a handful of attractive cops in my department, but it’s the exception, not the rule. Even the others are usually not interested in men.

    RG – Yeah, and when you consider the fact the new captain came from Internal Affairs, training and regular work days suck copious amounts of ass.


  5. My brother told me of the time his company sent down a young lady (think: SJW) from their HR department to lecture th eemployees about “conflict solutions.” When she announced the topic, my brother raised his hand and she said, “Yes?”

    He said, “In my experience, most conflicts can be solved with a suitable amount of high explosives.”

    He said the color drained from her face as everyone in the room except her laughed out loud and started giving him high fives.


      1. That was back in the 80’s. The indoctrination of college students was just beginning. But you’re correct, today the same statement would result in a life sentence in sensitivity training.


  6. Wow that sounds like a crappy week. Seems like the LT needs more to do like maybe be in charge of washing the squad cars or something. And 5 days in court and then drops the charges?! Maybe the ADA needs to seek employement at a Starbucks or a 7-11.


  7. A lot of the “mandatory training” we have to complete is also laughable. Thank goodness because that is the only way to get through these classes. It’s like watching paint dry.


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