Ohio Sucks. Literally

Meet Michael Mathisen and Lauren Wilder of Ohio

These two lovebirds went out for a night on the town in Cincinnati and after a few – read: many – adult beverages, they took a ride on a ferris wheel. Lauren then took a ride of her own.

An Ohio couple was arrested after police say they had sex on a popular Ferris wheel in downtown Cincinnati. Michael Mathisen and Lauren Wilder were both intoxicated when they boarded the SkyStar Wheel at The Banks on Thursday evening and had “sexual intercourse in the open in front of children and adults.”

The 150-foot SkyStar Wheel, which has 36 enclosed gondolas that each holds six people, makes four rotations and lasts 12 minutes, giving riders spectacular views of the Ohio River and Cincinnati.

In fairness, sex is much more comfortable on a ferris wheel than it is in the back of a car. Or so I’ve heard. By the way, someone should tell Michael he certainly “out-kicked the coverage” with Lauren. She’s crazy cute, while he is a poor man’s Stephen Tobolowski.

*For the record, we always say Ohio sucks because Kyle’s college recruitment meeting in Western Ohio went so terribly. Don’t send hate mail.

6 thoughts on “Ohio Sucks. Literally

  1. He definitely looks drunk in his mug shot. Maybe they are both afraid of heights and that was a great way to relieve anxiety.

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  2. Hey, I live here in Cincinnati! I like that ferris wheel! (I refuse to say why. I have rights under the Fifth Amendment!)

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  3. William – Kyle said the only place he actually wanted to see was Cincinnati so he could buy a Bearcats t-shirt. Northern Ohio is kinda boring, IMO, but I have a few good friends there.

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