Yesterday I was minding my own business, sitting at my desk in 81 degree heat, waiting for my impending death – or end of shift, whichever came first. The phone rang, and like an idiot, I answered it. It was yet another misstep in a career full of missteps.
The officer on the other line had less than a year on the street and her partner also had less than a year’s experience. In days gone by, you would put a rookie with a veteran so they can learn the job, and not annoy, say, detectives, with stupid questions. Here is their story:
10:03am – Female officer calls and states she has two victims of assault. Both the man and the woman have small lacerations and bruises obtained during a mutual fight. It is not a domestic situation, just an argument between coworkers. The officer actually says, “Which do we lock up?”
I impolitely reply, “No idea. I’m not there, and it seems a mutual fight would mean neither one is arrested. So I suggest you call your supervisor to the scene to make a determination.”
11:30am – Male partner calls, over an hour later, and states both combatants are at the hospital, being treated for their injuries received in a mutual fight. The officer states both the woman and the male will need stitches, so it is an aggravated assault. Again, the question arises, “Who do we lock up?”
I ask this officer if a supervisor ever arrived, and he said yes, but the supervisor would not give them advice. I replied, “Then you’re 0-2, because I am still not there and I cannot make a determination. It’s been an hour and a half. This job should have been done by now. Make a decision, or re-call your supervisor.”
12:15pm – Male officer calls again – he has my name, so he specifically asks for me – and states, “We’re locking up the male.” I reply, “Okay, why did you choose the male?”
Wait for it…
“Because he’s the guy.”
(See above facepalm for my reaction.) “So wait, both people assaulted each other, both have similar injuries, and you are arresting the male simply because he’s a male?” The officer was silent. “Look dude, you can do what you want, but if you think that reasoning will make it past the D.A.’s office, I wish you luck. You need to bring these people up here a.s.a.p. so we can get the paperwork processed. I mean, it’s been over two hours for this nonsense.”
2:30pm – Four and a half hours after the initial call, there is still no sign of the officers, combatants, or the paperwork. Shift’s over. Good luck, with that debacle night shift.