Jeffrey Epstein Commits “Suicide”

Alleged sex trafficker and billionaire Democrat donor Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his cell after an apparent “suicide.” The incident occurred a day after information about his alleged co-conspirators was released.

While I will continue to encircle the word “suicide” with air quotes, there is no evidence foul play was involved. Well, except for the fact Bill Clinton and many other prominent, wealthy men were allegedly close friends with Epstein. Besides, if the media can play up bogus conspiracy theories about President Trump, I can play by their rules, too.

The reported suicide of Democrat-affiliated sex predator Jeffrey Epstein earlier this morning has journalists and other concerned citizens demanding answers.

But they shouldn’t expect any to arise soon, if ever, as a report from New Right founder Michael Coudrey indicates that a mysterious camera malfunction has prevented any footage of Epstein’s alleged suicide from being captured.

Interesting. Not really proof of anything, but the preponderance of evidence is… interesting.

Rampant speculation and conspiracy theories are reaching a fever pitch as a result of the incredibly suspect circumstances around Epstein’s alleged suicide.

So right now we know – or at least someone is reporting – the following: 1. One camera in a (likely) billion-dollar federal detention facility had a malfunction at the exact time Epstein decided to hang himself. [The rest of these coincidences were reported in the New York Times.] 2. Epstein was on suicide watch after a previous “suicide” attempt, but the watch was lifted prior to the successful “suicide.” 3. Epstein was supposed to have a cellmate, but that person was transferred before the incident, and another cellmate was not assigned. 4. Epstein was supposed to be checked on every half hour that evening, but, for reasons unknown, that procedure was not followed.

Just yesterday, several prominent officials who served in the administration of former President Bill Clinton were implicated as Epstein’s co-conspirators, abusing child prostitutes as apart of his illicit sex trafficking network, in court documents released to the public. The civil lawsuits against Epstein will continue despite his sudden and suspicious demise.

Now, if I may play Devil’s Advocate, mistakes – read: fuck-ups – happen all the time in cell rooms. There have been a few attempted suicides in my department’s cell blocks over the decades, but sheer volume makes it difficult to check on everyone frequently. It’s rare, but it happens. That said, federal detention facilities have more manpower, better equipment, and strict rules when it comes to procedures, inmate checks, etc. Do suicides occur in federal prisons? Of course. It’s the leading cause of death, and a third of all causes.

That said, the suicide rate is about 50 per 100,000 prisoners, so it’s not an epidemic. I believe that’s because most federal corrections officers take their job seriously, and understand how important the protocols are. Plus, you know, they’dd like to keep their jobs.

I honestly don’t know what happened in the Epstein case, but the coincidences demand a thorough investigation. Sadly, considering the co-conspirators involved, I doubt we’ll ever know the truth.

4 thoughts on “Jeffrey Epstein Commits “Suicide”

  1. I agree, we, the little people, will never know what truly happened. I bet Prince Andrew slept better last night, however.


  2. Here’s your laugh of the day: it look like AOC is demanding a full investigation.

    I also saw something on the web earlier today that good ole Prince Andrew (Princess Diana’s ex BIL) is also on the list.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s