Not-So-Smarty Jones

Meet Lauren Cutshaw of South Carolina.

Lauren is a very clean, white girl who doesn’t deserve to be arrested for DUI, even after blowing a stop sign at 60 mph. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.

Lauren Cutshaw, 34, recently copped to a misdemeanor DUI count in connection with her arrest last August in Bluffton, a town just west of Hilton Head. Cutshaw, a licensed real estate agent, pleaded guilty to the drunk driving charge during an August 27 appearance in Bluffton Municipal Court.

As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped several other charges filed against Cutshaw, including speeding, possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and DUI with a blood alcohol content of .16 or higher.

In fairness, Lauren had some very compelling reasons to stay out of prison.

Cutshaw, who claimed to have only consumed two glasses of wine, told a cop, “I’m a very clean, thoroughbred, white girl” and “I’m a white, clean girl.” She also told of her prior “perfect grades,” National Honor Society membership, and graduation from a “high accredited university.”

According to Joe Biden, this is 100% true.

, who also mentioned that she was an “All-American cheerleader,” a valedictorian, and a sorority member, did not impress her arresting officer with references to her whiteness and thoroughbred nature.

Pfft, if this stuck-up bint really had a thoroughbred nature, she would have been able to successfully run from the officer.

6 thoughts on “Not-So-Smarty Jones

  1. I think she was brainwashed into believing she had “white privilege” in that hoity-toity university. I’m happy she had a nice dinner of crow to go with those two glasses of wine.


  2. TXNick – She was a cheerleader. Most cheerleaders – but not all – turn out to be bitches. But hell yes, I’d hit it like the hammer of an angry god.

    Mushdogs – “Never tell me the odds.” – Han Solo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, wait a minute! I was a cheerleader! At least you had the good sense to say most…not all. Of course, it might depend on who you talk with about me. 😉


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