Hot Under The Collar

This has been a busy week. I’m off night work for two weeks – after one night where I entered 37 jobs – so I can prepare for waking up at 5:40am for a while. On my last day I asked my lieutenant if I could change my group as well. I’ll still be in the same division, but I’ll be working with my squad all the time, instead of a two-day crossover. It’ll mean a little less work on my end, and I won’t be responsible for entering cases from my squad and the other squad.

On Tuesday I had to go food shopping, buy new work pants, and new work shirts. Apparently I am now a 34-inch waist, down from a 36, and my weight is stalling between 181 and 183 pounds. When I wear the 36 pants with my firearm, they sag like a rapper’s ensemble. Can’t have that…

I headed to Boscov’s and start looking for dress shirts, but I don’t know my new sizes. Thankfully, there is a tailor at that store who’s been there for years. Older man, perfect gentleman, and knows his stuff. I walked up to him and asked, “Sorry to bother you, but I lost thirty pounds and I don’t know my new shirt size.”

The tailor smiles and says, “Well, I can tell you what size you are now, but not where you’d like to be or where you were before.”

“That’s great, because I used to be Mr, Olympia.” (The tailor laughs.)

The tailor pulls out his tape measure and starts checking. I’m getting worried because I assume I’ll still be the fat-necked 17 1/2 collar. The tailor measures my neck and says, “15 1/2 inches.”

I wanted to cry tears of joy. I haven’t been a 15 1/2 since high school. The tailor continued. “Put your hand between the tape and your neck. The hand’s with is usually a good safe zone, so I’d suggest you get a 16-inch collar and – looks me up and down – a 32-33 sleeve.” (He never measured my arms, but I implicitly trusted him.)

I thanked him profusely and bought five new shirts. On the way home, I started doubting things. What if he was wrong? Those measurements can’t be right, etc., etc. I got home, put away the groceries and ran upstairs to try on the shirts.


I’m currently a 15 1/2 collar. It’s a Christmas miracle!

11 thoughts on “Hot Under The Collar

  1. I am so happy for you, Wyatt! I know how hard you have worked to lose this weight. Congrats on a job well done. Now we need pics of you in all your new clothes.


  2. Ronni – Not even remotely comfortable with that yet, because I still see myself as fat. My stomach needs some more work, but the new size makes me feel really great.


  3. That’s awesome. I put on a suit and tie the other day and realized that I need to go to the tailor, but for the other direction.


  4. TXNick – Hard Eight would be perfect. No carbs in meats.

    Ingineer – Thanks. I jogged today; three miles in 30:20. New record for old Wyatt. I did 3.1 miles in 17 minutes as a high school senior, but those days are gone forever.


  5. MelP – We have a sergeant from another division covering for us today. I worked with her in patrol, and at the time she was short and stocky. Great cop, very aggressive, but not that attractive.

    Wow, did she get hot!


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