True Detective Stories

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Diego the Idiot Detective’s fat, bloated carcass washed up on the beach.

A few days ago, someone burglarized two separate houses in our division. Both reports came around the same time, but were assigned to different detectives. Sunday night, one victim called police and claimed she saw the burglar outside her residence. The officers arrested the offender on the basis of the alleged identification, and transported him to the division.

The victim was sure she identified the correct offender, but when the assigned detective checked the video, the victim wasn’t even close. The male was black… and that’s it. There was nothing else which could have identified this man as the doer, but she was adamant. The conversation started and four of us decided there was no way this guy was the burglar, and after an investigation, he was released. Justice served; at least for the man arrested.

Then yesterday, Diego the Idiot Detective decided he wanted to put the arrested-then-released man’s photo on the YouTube channel. Our video tech detective asked Diego why he would want to do that, and Diego replied, “Because he’s probably the doer of my burglary a few houses down, since the other victim ID’d him.”

The video detective immediately face-palmed.

“Diego, that male was released an hour after he was brought in because he didn’t match the flash information. At. All.”

Diego, nonplussed, replied, “Well, he kinds looks like the doer.”

Apparently Diego read the obscure part of the Constitution which allows arrests for those people who “kinda look like the doer.” Frickin’ idiot.

4 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Cathy – It’s rather difficult. I don’t mind that he is always – ALWAYS – wrong; I mind that he always thinks he’s right and is too arrogant to admit when he fraks up.

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