True Detective Stories

For the record, Zoe Saldana has nothing to do with this post, but if I didn’t post some eye candy, I would have literally lost my mind. This post is more of a play-by-play instead of my usual rambling soliloquies, but the points you need to remember are as follows: rookie cops, assault, and paperwork. Also, take note of the times listed on the right. Let’s begin.

1:18pm – Two officers responded to a report of an assault and observed the first male offender punching the female victim. During the incident, another male jumped on one of the officers and tried to interfere with the arrest.

1:30pm – The officers arrested the two male offenders, and transported the offenders and victim/witnesses to the division.

2:45pm – I walk into work, fifteen minutes early (as usual), and the victim is banging on the window, asking to use the bathroom. The woman stated she had already been in the hallway for nearly an hour, had not been interviewed yet, and was none too pleased…

…

3:05pm – Two brand new officers stop at my desk and want to ask me questions about their assignment. The most enjoyable question was, “How should we write this up?” I don’t know, dude, because I was showering while you arrested these people. The day work sergeant had pity on these losers and helped them with their questions. As they went back downstairs, I decided to be helpful. “Hey kids, if you arrested these people at 1:30, maybe bring up the initial report so we can get the victim interviewed and let her go home. DO NOT sit downstairs and twiddle your thumbs. We need that paperwork a.s.a.p.”

3:45pm – Now more than two hours after the arrest, the victim came to the window and asked when she would be interviewed. I apologized and said we were still waiting on the paperwork, and I would call downstairs. The officers ignored my call.

4:30pm – THREE HOURS after the arrest, the officers came in with the paperwork. This is a form which could be completed in ten minutes, tops. I sent the dopes to the domestic unit, since it was written on a domestic form. A few minutes later, the domestic detectives came to my desk and said this was in no way a domestic job. I turned to the officers and replied, “Hmm, they told me otherwise.” Glaring at them, I said, “You need to write this on a regular form. Make it snappy.”

5:06pm – The correct forms have been filled out and the job was assigned to a detective. It only took three hours and thirty-six minutes.

5:35pm – Detectives interviewed the victim and two witnesses, and had them sit for a moment so the arresting officers could take them home. Another call made downstairs, where I was informed the officers left for the day. Because why would they take their victim and witnesses home after they made them sit in a hallway for four hours?

5:52pm – Another officer was kind enough to come to the division and take the three people home. Four and a half hours from the beginning of the incident to the victim’s transport home. Unbelievable.