Two elderly Flori-Duh citizens were arrested after they decided to knock boots outside a Clearwater theater in the presence of a 12-year old child. (Obviously, the photo above is the fabulous Jane Seymour. The photos of the arrestees will literally melt your eyes.)
According to investigators, Susan Roscillo and Robert Kellogg trysted in front of the Capitol Theater in downtown Clearwater. They were both subsequently arrested on a felony charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition for allegedly engaging in sexual conduct in the presence of the minor.
Well where else is the child supposed to learn about the birds and the bees?
The victim saw Roscillo “on her back with her legs up in the air and no pants on.” The septuagenarian was “actively masturbating Kellogg’s penis with her hand.”
Roscillo replied, “Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, ‘cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.”
Okay, that was either her or George Costanza. Who remembers?
Kellogg reportedly admitted to having sex in public with Roscillo, adding that she “did have his penis in her hand multiple times.” Kellogg apologized and said that he knew the Thanksgiving night encounter “was wrong.”
Wait, these two bridge trolls had sex outside a theater on Thanksgiving? Well, I guess we won’t know the main course, but we can assume a lot of stuffing was involved.