Happy 2020!

So last night Kyle went to his friend’s house for New Year’s Eve. A half hour after he left, he called me – which is never a good sign – and said his tire blew out. I had to go get him, on New Year’s Eve, when I was in pajama bottoms and my fabulous Florida Gators hoodie I got for Christmas.

I get to the lot where he parked and he was alone. He was supposed to be taking his friend to the party, so I asked, “Hey, where’s Nate?” “Oh, Ant was close by so he picked him up and took him to the party.”

Okay, it’s 8pm, you’re in a dark parking lot with a flat tire, and dude leaves you there alone? Beautiful. Kyle gets in the car and asks me to take him to the party. I’m highly annoyed at this point, but it’s easier to take him than bring him home and sulk all evening. As we’re driving, Kyle gets a text from his friends, saying the party is being moved to Alyssa’s house. Fine. I ask where Alyssa lives and Kyle says, “In the suburbs.”

Can you be more specific, because I’m about to run the Jeep into a ravine?

The girl lives in Hatboro; about 7-8 miles away, on New Year’s Eve, with all the drunks. Again, fine. Kyle said he could just take my Jeep, and when I stopped laughing, I sternly replied, “No.” We arrive after a very quiet ride – my urge to kill was rising – Kyle hops out, apologizes for the tire, and walks to the house. I beep a few times, and he looks back at me. I had to tell college boy he forgot all his stuff in the back of the Jeep.

I turn around and head back to Kyle’s car – my fabulous 2007 Saturn VUE. I look at the tire and there is a huge vertical slash in the tire. Likely not his fault, but it’s still an expensive new tire. The missus canceled out previous roadside assistance, so I had to get people from Liberty Mutual out to me.

(For the record, I CAN change a tire, but it was dark, raining, and the winds were excessive. Plus, I was alone and if something happened, no one would know – or care – that I had a car on my chest.)

After the fourth try, I finally got a human on the phone. They would send out someone to change the tire, but it was gonna cost me. Obviously. The gentleman arrived around 11:15 – three hours in an empty parking lot is so much fun – and had the tire changed by 11:45. The rain and wind were not helping. I paid with the credit card and handed him an extra $30, just because.

I drove the VUE home with the donut, had the missus drive me back to the Jeep, and drove that home as well. I finally got home at 11:45, just in time to see the new year, but long after the kids ate all the munchies Mrs. Earp cooked for the evening.

So yeah, 2020 is looking spectacular so far.

Here’s hoping you have a happy, healthy and safe new year; even after dealing with the stress of writing 2019 on your checks this week.

7 thoughts on “Happy 2020!

  1. Jim – That would include a double date with Vica Kerekes and Milana Vayntrub.

    Ronni – Same. Thee only drawback will be the presidential election and all the screeching which comes with it.

    MelP – She’s a nice girl, but seriously, the original party was a few blocks away. And since I ran out of the house, I was driving in pajama bottoms.

    Proof – Thank you. Yeah, I don’t want to be in one of those homes featured on 60 Minutes.


  2. All I managed was a sedate evening in front of the fire with a bourbon and coke in hand, and then splitting a bottle of champagne with my darling wife…you had so much more ?fun?…Did you at least get a heartfelt “Thank you” from the offspring?…


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