True Detective Stories

There was no way in hell my first day back was going to be easy.

There were thirty-two unassigned jobs in my queue, which wasn’t too bad, considering. I expected the total to be well over fifty. The new detectives seem okay. One of them was a cop in the division, and he is a complete tool, but otherwise, everyone else seems normal.

Of course, there had to be a catch. So a woman makes a report claiming an unknown male came behind her, forced her to give him her car keys, and took her vehicle and her iPhone. This is a regular occurrence in our division, so we handled it quickly and efficiently. Shortly after the woman left, some “inconsistencies” popped up.

For example, the woman gave us her information so we could track her phone; hopefully leading us to the carjacker. We found it a mile or so away on Monday, then the signal was lost Tuesday, however, the phone was tracked to the victim’s residence. Hmm, that’s odd.

We sent two detectives to the residence to check out what was going on. Miraculously, the victim’s vehicle was in front of the house, and she was in possession of her iPhone. It’s a Festivus miracle! Or not.

You see, this was never a carjacking; it was a domestic dispute gone wrong. The victim and the offender had a spat, the offender took the victim’s iPhone and drove her car around the block. Hours later, they were in love again, and the victim never thought it necessary to let us know she is a lying piece of crap.

After admitting all this, the boyfriend was arrested for marijuana possession – hide your drugs when the po-po arrives, dummy – and the “victim” was arrested for filing a false police report.

God, it’s good to be surrounded by idiocy again.

5 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Ronni – We were surprised the DA’s Office accepted the charges. They usually dismiss false report jobs because they couldn’t;t care less if people lie to the police.

    Proof – Just make sure the ho you know can keep a story straight.

    Cathy – Yeah, a little. It also helps that the awful boring training I was supposed to have today was canceled.

    Ingineer – There were a few posts I could have put up, but this was the one which made me the happiest.


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