True Detective Stories

There is a running argument in the division concerning which is the dumbest of the four police districts we cover. To be fair, all four contain more than enough dimwitted officers, so the title “Lord of the Idiots” fluctuates from day to day.

Then Thursday came.

An officer called in with a question about a job. When he gave his name, I rolled my eyes, because this man is arguably the dumbest person in the department. He makes Diego the Idiot Detective look like Sherlock Holmes. The job he responded to was not a job at all, but I’ll give you his version of events.

“This is Office Dimwit, and I want to run a job by you. We responded to a call for a person with a weapon, and the complainant here said three unknown black males approached him. They asked him if he had any weed, and the complainant said yes. The complainant gave the men the weed, and the men threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and fled the scene.”

So, effectively, these men robbed a drug dealer, and this jackass wanted to write a report for this nonsense.

“This happened about noon (five hours before the police call) but after the men took the complainant’s weed, he walked to an alleyway and fell asleep for a few hours. When he woke up, he decided he wanted to make a police report.”

Once my ears stopped bleeding, I asked a simple question. “Officer, do you realize what you’re saying? You’re asking me if you should write a report claiming a drug dealer was robbed. You realize dealing drugs is illegal, right? You realize the DA’s Office will never files charges for this?”

The officer, nonplussed, replied, “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

I suggested Officer Dimwit should call his supervisor, or anyone else who had a modicum off common sense. Either way, the job never came to the division, so I assume the supervisor laughed so hard it actually embarrassed the officer.

4 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. I would have been hitting HIS head against my desk hoping to pound some sense into him. That guy might be one of those that is book smart and street stupid.


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