It’s My First Day

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, I give you the greatest employee the world has ever seen.

In Connecticut, police are trying to identify a man captured on surveillance camera stealing about $17,000 worth of merchandise from a gas station.

You read that right; the man stole $17,000 worth of items from the store, and then (I assume) he removed the items with a forklift or had a chopper land on the roof.

Cops say the guy got a job there, then proceeded to steal tens of thousands of dollars worth of stolen lottery tickets, cigarettes, and cash on his very first, and only, solo overnight shift.

Holy shit, that’s freakin’ epic! Most embezzlers wait a while – like their third or fourth day – until they start stealing the business blind. Kids, look up to this American hero. Soon we will all be singing songs about him and his works.

Then, the suspect disappeared.

Oh my God, is he Batman?

The man also stole his employment folder, which contained his personal information, so the store’s owner does not even know the worker’s name, Hamden police said in a statement Tuesday.

Congratulations dude, you’ve literally committed the perfect crime. I tip hat to you, and if you’re ever in the neighborhood, please… teach me!

5 thoughts on “It’s My First Day

  1. One of the first things I learned in HR was that there were all kinds of ways for employees to steal from their employers. They did mention HR files and noted they were kept in locked files with only two people having access to the keys. This gas station looks like it could hardly afford to lose $170 let alone $17,000.

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  2. The lottery tickets could be used to catch him. If the store records are still there. Doesn’t the state lottery commission keep a record of which ticket roll goes to which store? Anyone trying to redeem the tickets after the day of the burglary would be a suspect.

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  3. Ronni – I’ll wager it makes money, but a $17k theft will hurt them big time.

    TX Nick – The state usually does, yeah – I worked in a deli with a lottery machine in college – but I’ll bet this guy isn’t your normal criminal. If he took all his informational paperwork, he’ll likely sell the tickets on the street.

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