Lumpy Old Men

Well, that was unpleasant.

In my fifty years on this planet, I have been subjected to two broken wrists, skin cancer surgery, an appendectomy, intestinal surgery, and countless stitches in the head and chin. Every invasive procedure hurt, but all of them combined are not as painful as a prostate biopsy.

This coming from the guy who has a very high threshold for pain. My sister the nurse actually brags about it to her medical pals. “Oh, he won’t ask for pain meds. He’ll just suck it up.”

This biopsy was less painful than the first, but it was still pretty excruciating. The ultrasound wand was much more painful than the biopsy tool. Mostly because it was larger. Not. A. Fan.

The biopsy went well from the doctor’s perceptive. They sliced a dozen samples from my prostate – every snip was uncomfortable – to send off to the lab. The doctor believes there is either a cyst or a lump on the prostate, but the tech thinks it’s a prostate stone. Who knows?

The aftermath was not fun. They had to clean up a lot of blood, but they said that would subside in an hour or so. My first urination looked like the elevator opening in The Shining, but after that, everything got immensely better.

I spent yesterday just lying around the house and today will be much of the same. They don’t want me doing much until Thursday, and for a change, I’mm actually going to listen to doctor’s orders.

Oh, I won’t get the results back until March 2nd, so here’s to two weeks of stressing out!

8 thoughts on “Lumpy Old Men

  1. I am thankful the procedure went well for you and you are on the road to recovery. I am impressed with the high pain threshold. Men often dramatize a hangnail. I learned something new from your post. I didn’t know there were prostate stones. Interesting. Enjoy your couple days of rest and relaxation.

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    1. Much better than expected. Kyle is grateful for every dime. The most recent donation is from the guy I coached lacrosse with for two decades. He was one of the reasons Kyle wanted to play. Good man, great coach.

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  2. Ronni – The only time I’m going out today are for my glaucoma test – it was negative, thank God – and I’m taking Kevin to karate, since Julia has dance. Saturday is the Daddy/Daughter Dance, so I should be pretty good for that.

    RG – Me too. It’s an emotional breakdown afterward. It’s necessary, but it’s also humiliating, and all the stress with it usually comes out in tears in the car.

    Kitty – No thank you. My sergeant beat cancer, and it was in the marrow. She’s very lucky, but lately some complications have arisen.

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  3. Aw man, that made my prostate hurt and I don’t even have one!! I hope you feel better soon and everything is negative, that wait doesn’t sound fun.

    P.S: A little lube goes a long way. Remember that for next time. 😜

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  4. Jenn – Mrs.. Earp said, “So… you’ll never swing to the other side?” Um, no.

    I do enjoy the irony that I’m in the best physical shape since college, and I am always seeing doctors.

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