True Detective Stories

Today’s TDS will be episodic in nature. I don’t really have a juicy story to fill an entire post, but I do have a few small stories worth your time.

Since I don’t work for a real police department, I don’t get to utilize real office equipment. Foe example, the computer at my desk caught a nasty virus – it was on my day off, so no, I was not looking for Milana Vayntrub photos. The IT Department demanded the tower be brought downtown so the people who couldn’t be hired by Apple or Google could tinker with it.

That was in early January.

The “fixed” tower returned last week, and an hour after it was dropped off, we were told it needed to be brought back to IT. Why? Because while IT cleaned the virus, they never reprogrammed the computer, nor did they add the pertinent police programs…

For the record, my department is still using Windows 7.

Now the front desk has been empty for a month now. No one sits there because there is no computer. But, like clockwork, a clueless officer does what this chick did on Monday. She entered the room, looked at the empty desk, then at me, and placed her paperwork on the empty desk. Stunned, I said, “You know that desk is empty, right?” She responded, “Well, where should I put it?”

How about on the desk where I am sitting, you stupid bint?

* * * * *

In the first hour of Monday’s tour, we were subjected to two shootings and a homicide. Just another day at the office. An officer, who’s usually very on the ball, brought up two witnesses to the first shooting. He escorted them into the hallway so they could wait to be interviewed.

I was not at my desk, but I heard someone yell, “YO!” I walked to the window, and there the officer was, head in the window, asking, “What’s the code for the door?”

I told him, and when he came into the room I said, “Dude, you’ve been here for two decades. How do you forget the code?”

The officer smiled and said, “I have no idea.” Eh, we all have our off days.

5 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Continuing to use Windows 7 is fine, PROVIDED that you are paying for the extended support. Which runs for a year or 2. It gets ridiculously expensive after 18 months I think.

    If it is because of inertia, and no one is paying for support well, as we used to say, the best plan is to keep your resume updated on your PC at home…. “Luck eventually runs out.” And so will the extended support.


  2. Check and see if you’re using Windows 7 Professional. I have this at home, and I still get daily security updates. Last one :

    Security Intelligence Update for Microsoft Security Essentials – KB2310138 (Version 1.309.1292.0)

    Installation date: ‎2/‎19/‎2020 8:20 AM

    Installation status: Successful

    Update type: Recommended

    Install this update to revise the files that are used to detect viruses, spyware, and other potentially unwanted software. Once you have installed this item, it cannot be removed.

    More information:

    Help and Support:


  3. Ronni – It’s rarely the same day twice.

    Zendo – Two problems. First, we cannot download updates, patches, or anything else necessary, because all the computers are protected by the administrator. The admin is at Police HQ and you have to jump through weeks of hoops to get something approved.

    Second, the city refused to pay for a new roof on our fifty-year old building, even after the city said there is a good chance the roof will eventually collapse. So I sincerely doubt they’ll pay for updates.

    RG – They switched to Windows seven two years ago. I am not kidding.

    Mike47 – See the response to Zendo. We will be able to update our computers twenty years after I’m dead.


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