I Cannot Stress This Enough

This will likely be the most stressful weekend of my life.

Today I am scheduled for an interview – again – with Internal Affairs. I have a vague idea of what it is about, and although I am not a primary target, the notice said I “may” be a target. It is also likely I may see some form of disciplinary action, if for no other reason than the department gives out disciplinary action often anymore.

In twenty-five years, I have been to IA less than ten times. I have been the target four times previously, and I have never received any disciplinary measures. That’s a rare thing for someone with so much time on the job.

I think today will be different, however. I think the city is finally going to hit me with a suspension, and while I can handle anything but a dismissal, watching a perfect record go down in flames is frustrating.

I talked to the missus, and I think whatever the outcome of this case, I am going to look into the early retirement program. Soon. I would sign my papers, work four more years, and then retire for good. The department has changed, and not for the better. I’d leave with just under thirty years, and that would be just fine by me.

On Monday I receive my biopsy results. I know the doctor has been hedging his bets, but I just have a bad feeling about that, too. If it’s cancer, then I’ll spend all my time at the gym, so I’ll be strong enough to beat it. Of course, if that’s the diagnosis, I won’t be my usual charming self for a while.

I’ve given this city twenty-five-plus years of my life, worked extremely hard, never abused sick/vacation time, and never asked for an easy assignment. I’m pretty sure I’ve given them enough.

21 thoughts on “I Cannot Stress This Enough

  1. I am hoping you have the best possible outcomes both with IA and when you get your results on Monday. Just keep those positive thoughts about early retirement.

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  2. If you feel that leaving the Philadelphia are may be an option, I would recommend Nashville, Middle Tennessee area that would offer employment and living and working conditions that are far better than what you’d be leaving.

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  3. Ronni – The interview was okay. No one threatened to fire me. It’s just that this is becoming more and more common. The department has to act on every complaint, even if someone claims the detective is an actual alien. It’s just so ridiculous anymore.

    Proof – I didn’t sleep much this entire week, and I have been having stomach issues since I got the interview notice. This is why cops die relatively young; the constant, unending stress.

    Cathy – The worst part is if some boss thinks I did something which merits a firing, I lose my pension. No pension means we’re virtually homeless. Mrs. Earp doesn’t make a lot of money, and the pension, while not great, will keep us above water.

    MelP – It’s not easy. The only reason to stay is for the insurance benefits – unlike the pay, the benefits are superb. If I leave in four years, I’d need insurance coverage, and I know top notch care is like paying for college.

    Doc – A coworker of mine, great guy, spent a week in Nashville for his fiftieth birthday. He and his brother, both cops, said they’d move there in a second. Really loved it there.

    I want to go south, and really like Arizona and Texas, but AZ is reportedly awful for taxes on pensions. I haven’t checked out Texas yet, but those are the things you don’t consider right away, but they’re important.

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  4. Mike – Then my brain needs to hit the gym. I stopped on the way home and bought a bag of Combos and some candy, and scarfed it all down to ease the stress. I actually felt better, and now I have to spend two hours in the gym tomorrow.

    I am using everything I have to not slip into depression again, and if the results are good Monday, I’ll clear that hurdle. Even if it’s bad, I think I’ll stress, but the depression won’t take me over.

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  5. Stay strong sir! 20 years gets you a good pension in most places, 25 should put you in an even better spot. As long as you dont loose anything but the benefits; and I have been in your situation with kids and such, Id quit. Cox Enterprises is looking for security folks and they offer great benefits that are active the day you are hired. Less stress with decent pay (at least 60-80K/yr). Even if you dont want it look them up. Once your in you can relocate to anywhere in the country, if the opportunity pops up and they have locations in Arizona and Texas. They even have one in Philly.

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  6. I left early. Someday, I’ll tell you the story. I’m alive, not dead, and that’s pretty much the reasoning. You need to check out of that asylum ASAP. Oh, and while I’m from Colorado, and would almost always tell you to go to Texas, my wife has friends who live about 40mi east of Nashville. I wouldn’t live in Nashville because it’s too big, but the area around it is fantastic. Keep your chin up and consider getting the “F” out of there at your earliest possible time. You are in my prayers.

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  7. Both Texas and Tennessee have no state income tax, although Tennessee does tax income from stocks, bonds and the like.

    Just imagine how good you’ll look in a John B. Stetson hat!

    Stay strong.

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  8. Ed – Thanks, I’ll check it out. Our DROP Program freezes the pension when you sign, and after four years you get a lump sum and the pension kicks in in afterward. It’s not millions, but it’s enough of an incentive. I’ve been contributing to our Deferred Compensation plan since my first day, so that helps. Without the pension, though, we’re screwed.

    RG – I think the interview went okay. I may sign up for early retirement in July after our new contract comes out. We have to crunch the numbers, but I think it’s a good idea.

    TX Nick – I’ll take a look. Thanks!

    Ingineer – Thanks. The pension thing is much scarier than the biopsy, because it doesn’t matter what happens to me as long as my family is taken care of.

    Loki – Kyle still wants a pair of boots, but they’re expensive and he doesn’t like to spend money. Stetsons are awesome, but I don’t know if I could pull it off.

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  9. Wyatt, I can’t help but think it may have something to do with this blog. You are not shy about your criticism of the PPD and city officials. And some hacker could find out who you are.

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    1. I was thinking about that also. In particular, that woman who gave Wyatt a hard time ” ’cause didn sho no respec fo me” at the window, and pulled some strings to have Wyatt’s supervisor come down to discuss the matter.

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  10. Here’s a little something to give you a boost: James Woods is back on Twitter & he gave CNN’s Stelter an awesome nickname: “helium-voiced little bitch”.

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    1. I saw the James Woods post about Stelter. I laughed out loud. James Woods is one of my heroes. Mostly, because like Trump, he doesn’t back down and he tells the truth. And, the libs hate his guts, of which he is most proud. I might even consider actually joining Twitter if only to comment on his posts. Probably not though. I’ll read, but joining goes against my security instincts. Too many years as a security geek before I retired.

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  11. William – Maybe. The last investigation where I was a target was personal. Someone who knows me filed a complaint against me and mentioned the blog. That’s why I deleted the last one. The accuser was a relative of a former commenter here.

    MelP – That’s great! I always liked him, and he’s a real conservative.

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