True Detective Stories

This job bugs me.

Yesterday I walked into the office and it smelled… funny. I couldn’t determine the smell, but it was something truly awful, like chemicals, a skunk, or our ever-present asbestos. It was not an ideal way to start the day.

I get to my desk and one of the overnight detectives told me the district brought in a domestic abuse victim, and she was covered in bugs.

Now normally, a thinking person would have the victim sit in the hallway, the police car, or the sidewalk outside, but no, these morons decided to bring her inside the building and then inside the squad room. Did I mention the officers didn’t tell anyone about the infestation until after her interview was conducted?

Worse still, the odor was not coming from the victim. The odor was from the bug spray. Apparently the assigned detective keeps Raid in his drawer, and thought it a good idea to spray it inside the room to kill the bugs. So not only were we forced to smell the poison, but also had to cough it out of our lungs for the first hour of the day.

Our best and brightest, folks. Our best and brightest.

7 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. She might get herself a lawyer and sue philly police for killing her pets. And she had a name for every single one of them. Suzy & Mike, her favs, were about to have babies. Oh boo-hoo!


  2. That is the most disgusting thing I have heard about in days. This story just freaks me out. A human being covered in bugs and not doing anything about it…………holy cow.


  3. Bugs? As in, “crabs?” Ewwwww!

    Q: What is a good way to get rid of crabs?

    A: Toss a shot of whiskey on the infected area, wait a minute, then follow with a handful of sand.

    The crabs get drunk on the whiskey, then kill each other having rock fights.


  4. Cathy – How do you not know you’re infested with bugs? Boggles the mind.

    Ronni – It’s a common occurrence in my division. We’ve entered houses where the floor is moving. Light goes on, and roaches scatter.

    RG/Mike – Very punny.

    TX Nick – Nicely played.


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