True Detective Stories

In the last few weeks, the department has released numerous directives and policies regarding the Wuhan virus. First, detectives were to work twelve-hour days, with two days on and two days off. A week later, we were told we will be working four-hour days with less people to decrease the chances of contagion.

Yesterday, we were told all personnel would be mandated to wear a mask while on duty… four weeks after the Wuhan virus became a pandemic.

The city is nothing if not timely.

The department distributed our first “masks” Tuesday, and they literally resembled bikini bottoms. We asked our female detective to try it on, but she declined, while flipping us the bird. How rude!

Yesterday we received masks which were slightly better, but these looked like maxi pads. They’re thin, uncomfortable, and to be honest, don’t seem to be doing their job. But, an order is an order, and since the city wanted to save a few dollars, we will not be issued the N95 masks – or even a lesser equivalent.

So I stand by my prediction that many people in my division – me included – will eventually contract the virus, because in my department, a person is not an employee; he or she is simply a number.