You may remember a post from last week where the UK determined you cannot leave your residence to boink the crazy stupid hot neighbor with the fabulous rack and the ass which would bring a tear to your eye, lest you violate their Wuhan virus rules. The UK is now trying to lockdown sex entirely, transforming it into something as bland as the country’s food.
With the UK now in its tenth week of lockdown, many bored Brits have been getting frisky to keep themselves entertained while at home. But a new study has warned that having sex could spread coronavirus, and has advised that couples take preventative steps in the bedroom.
Look, I manscaped alright, now just let me dock at her “International Space Station.”
This includes avoiding kissing, showering before and after sex, and even wearing masks while having sex.
Pfft, I rarely shower before OR after sex. I figure all the sweat eradicates the junk germs.
In the study, researchers from Harvard University ranked different sexual scenarios, based on how like you are to catch coronavirus during them.
Abstinence and masturbation were ranked as ‘low risk’ sexual activities, while sex with people within a household, and sex with people from other households were ranked as ‘high risk’ activities.
Masturbation could be an option for me, but if you had any idea how dirty my penis is, I mean, wow, it’s just absolutely filthy. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-inch pole. But hey, good luck with your new restrictions, Britain; I’m sure it’ll lead to a veritable population explosion.