True Detective Stories

Wednesday’s shift was a nightmare. The air conditioning was broken – again – and it reached 89 degrees in the office. The computer system crashed twice in an hour, and I was given ten jobs to enter in the last hour… none of which were from my squad.

Thursday had to be better, right?

So this guy calls the division moments after I reach my desk, and like a dope, I pick up the phone. The man seemed very confused, as if he just woke up, and starts yelling at me, claiming “The cops took my car!” After ranting for about a minute, I slowed him down, and said, “Sir, detectives usually don’t impound cars unless they’re involved in a shooting or a robbery.” Did you ask any of the officers who were out there?”

“No man, I was ‘sleep.”

“Okay sir, if it happened during the overnight tour, I would not have any information for you. We change shifts at seven, and I literally just walked into the building. Unless there was a shooting at your location, though, I can virtually guarantee you detectives did not impound your vehicle.”

“Well, someone took my car!”

“I’m not disputing that, sir, but unless you have more information, I don’t know how I can help you?”

And then it happened…

“YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW, FUCKHEAD! YOU DICKHEAD. FUCK YOU! THIS IS WHY WE HATE Y’ALL!”

The man then had the balls to call back a half hour later, and when I answered the phone, he said, “I think I just talked to you. Is there a black man I can speak with?”

Why yes, this career is truly a rewarding experience which has literally no downside, thanks for asking.

12 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. You should have told him, “Why yes, please hold while I transfer you to the Virginia Governors Office. The Governor there is a black man. At least I think he was the last time I looked at his face.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. RG – The only black man in the office at the time was my lieutenant, and when I told him this toad’s request, he replied, “Yeah, we don’t do that here.”

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  3. I don’t get your problem, you should have been happy he wanted to talk to someone else.
    I’d transfer it and giggle the whole the time. Especially if I could find someone there who I thought needed to deal with that fool.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gonna have to practice yo’ black n*****r voice in case he calls back… You could have some fun with an otherwise crappy situation.

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  5. MelP – I don’t think that plays too well in the ‘hood.

    TX Nick – After I retire I’ll be a Walmart greeter. I have such a sunny disposition and all that…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You need the patience of a saint to be in law enforcement these days. I honestly don’t know how you put up with that crap day after day, Wyatt.

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  7. Ronni – I think I’m signing up for deferred retirement this year. Sign, work four more years, then I’m out. Our D.A. is releasing everyone who was arrested during the riots, but is now demanding all officers’ body cameras so he can review the treatment of the rioters.

    The bastard is letting rioters go, but he’s looking to arrest the cops.

    Like

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