True Detective Stories

For the record, I am desperately trying to move away from the Floyd Riots, the Defund the Police movement, and the other nonsense which is occupying the left. Luckily, I am surrounded by morons every day, and I do not highlight their idiocy enough.

Remember Diego the Idiot Detective? He’s been profiled here more than a few times, and is quite literally the dumbest human I have ever met. When it comes to “Carrying the Stupids,” he’s the one I most often have to lift.

Diego outshined himself twice this weekend, while simultaneously proving the detective’s exam also needs a psychological evaluation attached…

…

On Saturday, Diego was making a photo array to show a theft victim. A photo array needs to include the alleged offender and seven other photos. The photos need to look similar and not overly prejudicial. Diego put together the array and asked another detective the most ridiculous question I have ever heard.

“Hey, I have three suspects for this job. Can I put all three in the same photo array?”

I was waiting for the detective to ask Diego if he smelled toast, because it truly looked like the guy was having a stroke. He stared at Diego, blinked a few times, and deadpanned, “Um, no.” When Diego asked why, the detective replied, “Because what happens if the victim identifies all three suspects?”

Diego smiled, and replied, “Oh yeah, I know.” Every time Diego is shown to be the fool he is, he brushes it away and claims he knew that. I guess he is just testing the rest of us. Friggin’ idiot.

Sunday was no better. One of our detectives was called out to a home invasion. The doers forced their way into the house, beat up the victim and took his iPhone. The officer on location called the division, and Diego, unfortunately, answered. Instead of handing the phone to the assigned detective, Diego decided he would handle it.

Diego was overheard asking if the victim wanted to go to the hospital. The cop asked the victim, and he said yes; virtually guaranteeing we would not be able to interview the victim for several hours. The other detectives were livid; an prompt interview is necessary because 1. people have short memories for detail, and 2. because the longer it takes to interview a victim, the more they decide they do not want to proceed with the case.

When confronted by the detectives, Diego claimed, no, he did not tell the officer to take the victim to the hospital. He just agreed when the officer said she was doing so. So that’s like, totally different you guys!

He is literally the dumbest person on the planet, and makes the rest of us dumber by his very presence.