City’s Closed: Moose Shoulda Told Ya

While most honest Americans can agree New York City’s Bill de Blasio is the worst mayor in America, Philadelphia’s Jim “I’ll Have Another Drink” Kenney obviously wants a shot at the title. Kenney ordered all large-scale events in the city canceled until March 1, 2021.

The mayor is shutting down Philadelphia for another seven and a half months, for a lockdown of eleven and a half months total. The city, as we know it, will not survive.

In a dramatic step that underscores how long the coronavirus is expected to disrupt daily life, Philadelphia officials on Tuesday canceled all large-scale events in the city through February, including the Philadelphia Marathon, the Thanksgiving Day Parade, block parties, and other iconic traditions.

The 7½-month moratorium is one of various prevention measures that will have to stay in place until the population is vaccinated against the coronavirus, and that won’t happen before 2021, Health Commissioner Thomas Farley said.

Kenney is committing economic suicide. The marathon, the parades, and all the other events bring in millions upon millions of dollars. The city is already carrying a $16.2 billion – with a “b” – debt.

Although there is good news…

The city also said fans will not be allowed at Eagles games: If professional sports teams resume playing, spectators will be barred from the stands, though that is not part of the moratorium.

This fact alone almost makes the shutdown worth it. All the drunken, white trash Eagles fans won’t be able to head to the stadium at 5am, drink until 1pm, cheer on the anti-Semitic players, then vomit on their fellow Eagles fans and assault out-of-towners for an entire season.

Also, Vishnu forbid, if they win a title, there will be no parade. Eat a smorgasbord of dicks, Eagles fans.

The ban does not apply to demonstrations or other First Amendment-protected activities, private outdoor gatherings such as weddings or family picnics, or events on private property, including performance venues and stadiums, Kenney said.

So wait, you won’t let sports fans see their teams play, but a ten-hour concert by Hot Tuna is a-ok? Wow, this is so delicious. It’s as if this assclown has no idea what he’s doing, and has no plan to deal with the Chinese Wuhan Virus. Keep voting Democrat, Philadelphia: it’s worked great so far.

8 thoughts on “City’s Closed: Moose Shoulda Told Ya

  1. “The ban does not apply to demonstrations”
    Because COVID is smart enough to distinguish between people crammed together on the street as opposed to people crammed together in a stadium. Right.


      1. I am so glad I retired when I did. I can’t imagine travelling with these restrictions and adding a mask in virtually every location I worked would be a major bummer. Also, my company changed hands last year and a lot of people and activities got down sized. So, I got out when the getting was good!


  2. Ronni – I hope to be in that situation in a few years

    Proof – They’re all hypocrites; every last one.

    TX Nick – Can’t go to church because true Catholics like Pelosi said so.


  3. I wanted to say that the prospect of all those jock-sniffing Eagles fans forced to stay home instead of going to football games made me happy for you. And Santa is safe, this year at least.

    On the other hand, you must know these alcoholic athletic supporters are going to drink just as much at home, probably with their compadres, and unless the wives and girlfriends either get out or have taken self-defense classes, your city will probably be looking at spikes in domestic violence on Sunday afternoons.

    At this very moment, I bet there are hundreds of Eagles fans who may as well be wearing a toe tag, stumbling as they are toward oblivion.

    Good luck at the range.


    1. Mitch, you are 100% right on target. Any time the local team wins, domestic assaults rise all over the local area where the fans reside. It’s been that way for decades and will be far worse this year. Well, unless some of these people finally realize what most of us already figured out – the NFL is a worthless organization not worthy of wasting time watching unless you’re really a fan of anti-American radicals.

      Wyatt, I had to repost this at Antzinpantz. One of the most bizarre virus stories ever.


  4. Mitch – Yeah, I thought about all the DUIs and domestic assaults that’ll happen with this order. Still, there will likely be less violence than you see at the stadium and in the parking lots.

    Mrs. Earp thinks these dolts will tailgate outside the stadium anyway, because it’s a cult.


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