A little over a week ago, I mentioned my mom’s partial hip replacement surgery and asked for prayers. The hip replacement surgery was a success, more or less, but she was transferred to hospice last Friday.
The surgeons said she could not complete her rehabilitation because of her dementia – mom has been suffering from it for a while now – and her deteriorating cognitive abilities, combined with her other health issues. The decision was made to send her to hospice and let her be comfortable until the inevitable happens.
Mom hasn’t opened her eyes or spoken since last Friday. The hospice – which has been amazing through all this – has her set up on a morphine drip and have been amazing in their care. All we care about now is that mom’s comfortable, and so far that has been the case.
My siblings and I have been there with her, and yesterday my sister and I decided we would take twelve-hour shifts. She’ll stay with mom from 8a-8p, and I’ll have 8p-8a. I’ve told my supervisors I’m going to take vacation days until mom decides it’s her time to go.
That’s the other issue. The staff at the hospice were fairly certain mom would be gone by now. This is day six, and as of this post she’s still fighting. It’s as if she’s saying, “Screw you dementia; I’ll go when I’m damn good and ready.” You see, mom’s grandparents came from Slovakia. They were hard people who didn’t roll over for anyone. Mom was like that. She was effectively the boss at home, and no one messed with her. Ever. My sister and I think she’s holding out just to prove that she can.
We’ve been telling her it’s okay for her to go; that we’ll be okay while she reunites with her parents, but she refuses to leave. You understand that a situation like this must be excruciating, but until you deal with it personally, you have no idea.
My new home is the hospice, and has been since Friday. The staff comes in and works on mom, occasionally she lets out a soft groan, and there’s nothing you can do. We’re literally sitting with her in the room waiting for her to die. It shouldn’t have to be like this. My mother is a good person, and there is no viable reason why she should be going through this disastrous situation.
I told my sister I think this is some kind of penance for some of the awful crap I’ve done throughout my life. Sure, I’m nowhere near a perfect person, but take that out on me, not my mother. I understand life isn’t fair, and it’s filled with pain and loss, but my mother is an innocent. She lived a good life and raised her children life. She should definitely be spared.
Sorry about the rambling here, but this past week has been the worst of my life. I will try to continue posting regularly, but if there are gaps, I apologize.