Won’t You Think Of The Chicken

Meet Andrew Christensen of Lincoln, Nebraska. Andrew is a concerned patriot, and he wants to make America even better than it already is. His solution? Renaming boneless chicken wings.

“I propose that we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts. These are our reasons why: Number one, nothing about boneless chicken wings actually come from the wing of a chicken. We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is its wing?” said Christensen.

“Number two, boneless chicken wings are just chicken tenders, which are already boneless,” Christensen continued. “I don’t go to order boneless tacos. I don’t go and order boneless club sandwiches. I don’t ask for boneless auto repair. It’s just what’s expected.”

“Number three, we need to raise our children better. Our children are being raised to be afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That’s where meat comes from, it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious,” Christensen said.

If I’m going to be perfectly honest, Andrew makes more sense than every single city council in America, as well as most people in Congress. Christensen 2024!

7 thoughts on “Won’t You Think Of The Chicken

  1. Now if we could just get people to stop giving ranch dressing instead of blue cheese with wings we’d be set.
    I hate when I forget to tell the deliver place I want blue cheese and dip my wings in ranch. Yuck.


  2. Whatever you do, don’t look up the subject of WyNGZ, i.e. boneless breaded chicken fritters. Especially don’t do any research about how the FDA demands that the “y” in “WyNGZ” has to be the same font and must be a certain percentage of the size of the other letters. You will simultaneously lose all faith in humanity, corporations, and self-government (if you had any left).

    Christensen is onto something.


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