Meet Andrew Christensen of Lincoln, Nebraska. Andrew is a concerned patriot, and he wants to make America even better than it already is. His solution? Renaming boneless chicken wings.
“I propose that we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts. These are our reasons why: Number one, nothing about boneless chicken wings actually come from the wing of a chicken. We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is its wing?” said Christensen.
“Number two, boneless chicken wings are just chicken tenders, which are already boneless,” Christensen continued. “I don’t go to order boneless tacos. I don’t go and order boneless club sandwiches. I don’t ask for boneless auto repair. It’s just what’s expected.”
“Number three, we need to raise our children better. Our children are being raised to be afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That’s where meat comes from, it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious,” Christensen said.
If I’m going to be perfectly honest, Andrew makes more sense than every single city council in America, as well as most people in Congress. Christensen 2024!