True Detective Stories

So Wednesday was a rather easy day for me at work. My supervisors decided they wanted me to be the administrative assistant for the tour – I was effectively Toby from The Office – so instead of entering jobs, I ran errands and made my coworkers sign for things.

The downside to all this is someone had to cover my position. In this case, it was Diego the Idiot Detective.

The bulk of my time was spent either inside or just outside the supervisor’s office; filing reports, doling out Chinese Wuhan Virus masks, and making sure Diego did not f**k things up. Unfortunately, I could not babysit this slack-jawed yokel every minute of the tour, so occasionally I missed something.

From what I heard, I missed something… significant.

Diego handled a shooting incident the other day, and while no one was hit, he did recover twenty-plus shell casings. Since he is not a conscientious detective, Diego took three days to process the scene, and was still working on the job. (A job like this takes an hour, tops, but hey, Dummy gonna Dummy.)

Anyway, Diego was apparently working at my desk while also trying to finish the shooting job. At one point, he took out the bag of spent shell casings and lined them up on the desk. Diego cannot multitask, so while he was entering jobs into the computer, he was also fondling the casings.


As a result, most evidence custodians, district attorneys, defense attorneys, judges, and juries usually frown upon fondling evidence and spreading your fingerprints/DNA all over shell casings! The supervisor saw this, and asked, “Diego, what the hell are you doing?”

Diego responded, “What do you mean?”

The supervisor replied, “You’re picking up and touching the casings with you bare hands!”

Diego, in typical fashion, laughs and says, “Oh yeah, you’re right.”

Welcome to my nightmare.

12 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. How long has this clown worked for your department? Did he miss training on Evidence Basics 101??? I need to send you a sympathy card for having to work with this. . . doofus.


  2. Ronni – He probably has twenty years on, but he never learned a thing in that time.

    Cathy – My sergeant, Donna, who passed away in March always called him that. He’d ask a stupid question and when he walked away, Donna would turn to me and say, “Doofus.”

    TX Nick – That would likely be the case if our DA ever prosecuted people for shootings. By the way, I put up the Philly homicide counter at the top of the sidebar, since we’re about to smash 2007’s total of 391 murders.


  3. Not really on topic but…
    Holy Moly!
    I just noticed this

    Year To Date: 371
    2019 Total: 260

    Our fine Dem betters have a lot to answer for.
    Too bad they’ll never have to.


  4. Veeshir – The most homicides we’ve had in recent years was 391 in 2007. The number was so high, they keep the 2007 tally up to see how much “better” we’ve become, even though the list almost breaks the margins. We will shatter that record this year, thanks to a do-nothing mayor and a Soros-appointed DA who gives probation to shooters.

    My guess is we end somewhere around 440.

    Oh, and in terms of overall gun violence, we’ve been told we’re only second… to Chicago.


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