True Detective Stories

So let me tell you about my work week so far.

The tour started Thursday afternoon, and while most of the city was spending Thanksgiving with their families, I was at the division with two other detectives, one domestic detective, and no shooting team. Naturally, we had not one, but two shootings in the first fifteen minutes. So for much of the evening, I was fielding calls from cops and telling them, “Nothing I can do. Moose outside shoulda told ya.”

When said idiot cops challenged me on it, I gleefully replied, “Well, besides me, we have two detectives tonight, one is at one shooting, and the other is at the shooting in your district. So you wait.”

Friday was even better. The two detectives who caught the Thanksgiving shootings – no turkeys were harmed, only a few jive turkeys – were still working on their jobs, so we had two detectives on the floor – again. Every single job that came in Friday evening was a nightmare. Three robberies, one shooting incident – shots fired but no one hit – two firearms arrests, and a total of twenty-one jobs, split between me and the other detectives.

The best part was when the cops came up, they bitched that their cases weren’t being handled quickly enough. Luckily my sarcasm meter was off the charts, and I replied, “First, we don’t work for you. Second, we cannot process a job if the assigned detective is still working on a previous job. Third, if you don’t want to wait, come back when the overnight shift gets here. You won’t hurt my feelings.”

Saturday was awesome. It was the first day we’ve had more than four detectives on the floor in days, and while some detectives were still working on prior jobs, at least we had bodies. The Chinese Wuhan Virus took a lot of our people out for quarantine, a few are on vacation, and one was injured on duty.

Fifteen detectives are better than nine, but we’ll take what we can get; especially since our division is fast approaching 14,000 jobs for the year.

1,433 days and I’m gone.

16 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. I’m with Proof, but you have a point when it comes to paid junk. Just drop it in your posts, title, comment, whatever.

    I’m curious… when I was a cop, it was in a small town. We had about 50,000 people back then. An entire shift was maybe 7-8 cops unless it was day shift when the detectives and brass were around. If there was some big deal crime and a detective wasn’t around, the street cops just did the best they could. We wrote our own search warrants, investigated things until we hit a dead end, and did our best. Do these other cops not know how to do any of that stuff or is it against the rules? I imagine the bureaucracy causes a lot of the problems, but you have to be pretty stupid to qualify for some of the stuff you write about. Maybe just lazy, or both. Just think, in no time at all, you’ll be down to three digits, then under 500, and eventually you’ll be a two digit midget.


  2. RG – Most of our districts have at least 10-15 patrol cars out on every shift. We do mostly everything ourselves. Process scenes, recover video, etc. The problem here is there are tactical units who bring in BS arrests so they can stay in their special units.

    So, instead of having time to work important cases, we waste time with drug arrests and parole violations.


  3. I have a son-in-law who’s a nurse, another son-in-law who’s a Corrections Officer, and a daughter who’s a nurse (works in the COVID unit), and all 3 are expected to work even if they contract COVID 19, unless they’re too sick.

    Btw, what’s a shooting team?


  4. Coworker approaching retirement got herself a sheet of bubble wrap, popping one a month until her retirement. I think she’s switching to weekly once she’s at a year.


  5. Kitty – I had to wait outside in the rain for twenty minutes because they were disinfecting the building. It happens every week or so because so many people caught the Wuhan. And like you said, I can’t exactly not go to work.

    Ozborn – That’s brilliant!


    1. I think there was a time when my relatives were supposed to quarantine, but not any more. My son-in-law, the prison CO, worked 24 hrs straight because they were in desperate need for COs who weren’t out sick. My daughter is a traveling nurse and was supposed to end her ‘tour’ in mid-October. But the hospital was desperate for nurses, especially one who has a lot of experience with COVID patients.


      1. One woman who works the front desk on the opposite tour just tested positive. Her backup immediately decided she would “quarantine” for two weeks as is policy. No symptoms, but she works at the same desk as me and the female. So if I was a lazy slug, I could take two weeks off, which would run into my Christmas vacation, where I don’t return until January 4th.

        But I’m not a slug.

        Liked by 1 person

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