True Neighbor Stories

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a rant.

In the last decade, my next-door neighbors went from an amazing elderly couple – husband fought in WWII – to a drunken duo who spent their time having dozens of people over for parties every weekend, to the Asians – one of whom tried to break into my home – to our fabulous new white trash assclowns who take every opportunity to make themselves pariahs.

Allow me to explain. My block is full of split-level single homes. Every house has a driveway, as well as a space for two cars to park in front of each house. The new clowns own three vehicles: husband, wife, and daughter. But instead of parking in the driveway and spots provided, they park in other people’s spots – namely, mine.

I’ll come home from work and see one of these seeping pustules in front mf my house, while their driveway and/or parking spots are empty. Kyle’s car is in one street space, and Mrs. Earp’s car is in the garage. She takes the kids to school in the morning, so it’s easier for me to park on the street than moving my car every day.

Worse still, there is no rhyme or reason to it, especially when they park across the street, swiping the other neighbor’s space. I don’t know what possesses these people to do this, and yes, it seems like a minor inconvenience, but they’re new in the neighborhood, so you’d think they wouldn’t want to be remembered as the new asshole, cock-holsters of the block. Yet here we are.

I’ve been living here for almost twenty-four years; is it too much to expect a little common courtesy?

14 thoughts on “True Neighbor Stories

  1. Renters neighbors generally suck.
    When the wide and I were looking to buy in our mid-sized midwest metro, I steered away from HOAs that forbid renting, thinking, “My property, I want to be able to do what I want”. After 2 kids, paying on a mortgage for 7 years, and seeing a revolving door of morons at the rental house across the street…. yeah, I’ve mentally grown up a bit (at least in that area).

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  2. Last week a neighbor tried to park her car in my sisters front room. Now that was rude. I felt real bad about her beautiful audi that she destroyed.

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  3. Ozborn – We begged the owner to sell it to a family, and the Russian oligarch/slum lord wouldn’t have it. Even the rental agent said he would make more money selling it, but nyet!

    Ronni – When I get home, I guarantee this dick’s truck is in front of my house.

    Cathy – LOL, sucks to be them, I guess.

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  4. Back in my days as a policeman, the only crime I ever committed had me sweating bullets for weeks. I couldn’t believe I’d become a criminal then, but some clown parked in front of my garage, blocking me in. I was truly amazed. So, I let the air out of ALL four tires. I was terrified for weeks that I’d get busted, then fired, but I guess the perpetrator decided the best thing to do was air up and move on. I look back on it today and it still gives me a warm feeling of satisfaction. Just sayin’…

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    1. Turns out the press announced I was President-Elect before I actually had 270 electoral votes. So, I decided to wait until the election actually went my way before starting the transition. I’m confident I’ll get the vote anyway, so I’m thinking you and Wyatt can be in my cabinet.

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  5. I hate ass clowns for neighbors. My daughter recently bought a newly constructed house and one of the neighbors that moved in afterwards has been parking in front of her house, which is clearly my parking space if I want to visit. She is hoping once all the construction is done things will open up a bit more, but having a little more experience than her, I think that will probably just bring more ass clown neighbors.

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  6. DU – We have 452 homicides in this city. I won’t waste the officers’ time.

    RG – For years, it was policy to let the air out of stolen car tires, so the car couldn’t be stolen again before the owner arrived.

    Ingineer – It’s why I want to actually see the town I am going to move to after all this. Photos of homes are great, but you can’t feel out the neighborhood online.

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  7. All of this makes me think I’m glad I live 1/4 of a mile away from the road and my nearest neighbors are cattle. Something to be said for rural livin’….

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