Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Exploded

Deranged Hollywood “actress” Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently selling candles which smell like her vagina. Why anyone would purchase a candle which smells like the East River is beyond me, but I digress. One London woman purchased the meat-flap candle, and it subverted her expectations.

A VAGINA-scented candle by Gwyneth Paltrow exploded into flames causing an “inferno” in a woman’s living room. Jody Thompson, 50, won the risque product sold by the Hollywood star and wellness guru in an online quiz.

The candle is described on Gwyneth’s Goop site as “funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected”.

You know what else was unexpected? The raging fire coming from Gwyneth’s vagina, er, candle.

But Jody was taken by ­surprise after lighting it when a 50cm flame leapt from the candle and out of the glass jar. The media consultant told The Sun: “The candle exploded and emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere.

Not for nothing, but if you purchase a vagina candle, you really should expect it to occasionally have a hot flash or an gushing orgasm.

14 thoughts on “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Exploded

  1. Too bad you didn’t post this over the weekend, the caption contest would’ve exploded faster than Gwennie’s va-jay-jau candle.

    Like

  2. Unless she’s suing Paltrow, I wouldn’t tell anyone I bought one of those candles.
    That’s just embarrassing.
    Considering her body is fish-belly-white, I really wouldn’t want to….
    Now I’ve disgusted myself.

    Like

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