So get this. On Monday, Diego the Idiot Detective received a call from a woman claiming she knew the identities of two robbery suspects who have been terrorizing the division for a few weeks. The woman gave Diego their names and addresses, and instead of researching the jobs, or casing the suspects’ residence, he decided to show how wicked smaht he is.
Diego starts suiting up: body armor, extra mags, the works. Worse still, he recruits one of our female detectives – I’ll call her Salma, because she looks like Salma Hayek – to head out with him. When Salma asks where they’re going, he tells her he’s going to go to the residence of the two armed robbery suspects and arrest them.
Diego will be doing this without a supervisor and without the SWAT team. Because wicked smaht.
Salma immediately walks to my desk and asks, “Hey, can I use your body armor when I go out with Diego?” I obviously say yes, and then she asks, “Did you hear what Diego wants to do?” I did not, so she explained this suicidal plan. Salma has a lot of time on the job, and she can certainly handle herself, but she had no desire to go out with Diego on this case…
Salma sorta kinda suggested I get involved, and there’s nothing which makes me happier than embarrassing Diego at every turn.
I walked over to Diego’s desk and said, “Dude, what the f** k are you planning to do with this robbery tip?” Diego responded he was going to head out there and hopefully arrest them. “Without a supervisor and without the SWAT team? You realize both these clowns have had pistols in every job, right? You think they wouldn’t shoot the two of you on sight?”
Diego started to protest, but I shut him down. “You don’t have photos of the doers, you haven’t checked their criminal history, and you haven’t cased the residence beforehand. You didn’t call SWAT and didn’t bother to tell the sergeant what you’re about to do. Now, you don’t have to listen to me, but if you and Salma head out there, one of you is going to get seriously hurt.”
Five minutes later, I overheard Diego telling Salma he decided he wouldn’t go after these desperadoes.
Only 1,376 days until I’m out.