Fire It Up! Fire It Up!

Four Flori-Duh residents are spending their weekend in the hospital after they decided they wanted their bonfire to be seen from the International Space Station.

Oh Flori-Duh, don’t ever change.

Officials say four Florida teenagers were injured when one of them poured gasoline on a bonfire, causing it to explode.

The phrase “pouring gasoline on fire” is just a metaphor, you imbeciles!

Polk County Fire Rescue crews took three of the teens to Tampa General Hospital on Thursday night. The fourth was taken to Lakeland Regional Health hospital. Crews say two boys and two girls were injured in the fire. Their conditions were not known.

Oh, I’m fairly certain we know their conditions: Idiot, Dullard, Moron, and Jackass.

11 thoughts on “Fire It Up! Fire It Up!

  1. Was camping one time with friends and we were having a rough time trying to get the fire going…some of the wood was a bit damp and it was going slowly we just couldn’t see it. One of the guys goes to the table and we hear squirting sounds…a styrofoam cup goes suddenly sailing into the wood just as the wind kicked the flame out to where we could see it. WOOSH the cup went up taking the guys eyebrows with it…he put liquid Coleman fuel from the stove into the cup and threw it in ….one of many reasons the park ranger asked us to never return to that park.


    1. In my 20s I put Coleman fuel on a 55 gallon drum of wood and paper trash, leaned way in and lit it with my lighter.
      I was literally engulfed in a ball of fire. Not a huge, I’m Gonna Die!!!!!, ball of flame, but still a ball of fire.
      The hair on my right arm was charred. When I brushed my arm all the hair just crumbled away, eyebrows too.
      Cool effect though.


  2. Cathy – It’s a shame they didn’t receive the award early.

    Veeshir – Or at least the attention of AOC.

    Gary – My friend and I were playing James Bond, and we sprayed aerosol into a lighter inside his house. Lit a house plant which was hanging in the living room. Ruined the carpet. My parents were not pleased.

    Mushdogs – Lesson learned… probably.


  3. I admire these teens. Learning young how cool fire can be. One of the many reasons I love the southwest desert, you can make the biggest fire you can imagine if you have time time and make the effort. No matter how much wind, there’s nothing else to burn except the wood you gather. Well, maybe your tent, your stuff, or you, but that’s the hazard of having some fun.

    I only almost burned my parents house down twice. Almost being the key word. My own kids, they were much smarter, they never lit fires inside the house, the just launched fireworks out the basement window (into a large tree) from inside the house. Hey, my house didn’t burn down, so all is good.


  4. RG – My parents took us camping every summer in Virginia. I’m very used to fires, but I’m deathly afraid of them, mostly because my dad was a firefighter and would bring home awful stories of people dying.


  5. Hopefully everyone realizes I was joking. I was being tongue in cheek enough I probably sounded like a serial arsonist. I will admit, I was fascinated by fire as a kid. Almost burning down the house and getting a good ass whipping was all it took to cure the problem. Throwing gas on a fire isn’t exactly conducive to good health.


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