True Detective Stories

Last June, I posted a TDS about a crybaby cop who works in my division. I referred to this dullard as Baby Huey, since he looks exactly like the cartoon character. Sadly, he acts like him, as well.

Baby Huey has a full two years on the job, and like most new officers, he believes he knows everything about policing. From what I’ve observed, I doubt he can tie his own shoes.

Baby Huey and his partner walked into the division around 2:30pm on Sunday. I was in the building since I always come in early to catch up on old jobs. The detective who was working the desk at the time was about to leave for the day, and when Baby Huey tried to give me his paperwork. Huey recovered a gun and needed it processed. I said, “Hold on to it. I don’t start until three, and none of my detectives are here yet.”

As I have a history with this fat tub of goo – he complained about me to my supervisors – I also added, “Leave the paperwork here, but take the gun and sit in the lobby until we’re ready for you.” Baby Huey let out a grunt, and waddled off…

A little after three, Huey waddled in again, likely smelling of Cheetos and shame, and gave me the paperwork. I entered the information into the system, and told him his detective would be Diego the Idiot Detective. I specifically told him Diego had not arrived yet, but he could wait for him at his desk. This way, didn’t have to catch his stoopid.

Huey waddled off and I hear him talking to another detective in the row. Assuming this dolt didn’t bother to ask who Diego was, I told the detective that the job was going to Diego.

Then this fat bloated sack of protoplasm yells out, “I KNOW THAT! DUDE’S ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!”

Now normally I would go after this fat prick, but both my supervisors were present during this exchange. So, I calmed down, and replied, “I wasn’t talking to you, and I’m pretty sure you’re not assigned here.” My supervisor saw I was getting hot, and he said, “Want me to take him into the office and explain the rules to him?” I said no, and replied with, “It’s okay, dude is not worth anyone’s time.”

This motherf**ker had the balls to come into a detective division, start an argument with a detective, then claim to be the victim afterward. People like that always get their just rewards. In this instance, Baby Huey made “The List,” and Diego will be his assigned detective for the next four years.

1,326 days.

6 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Always amazes me when people shit on those from whom they need favors. It never ends well for them. Glad to see Diego’s talents will be of some use in this case.


  2. RG – There are few cops in this city I truly despise, but Huey is one of them. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was smart, but he’s dumber = and fatter – that Diego.

    Ronni – I really want the date for the surgery – still nothing – because the 6-8 week recovery may turn into 8-12 weeks. I hate going to work anymore. Truly.

    Cathy – I should take bets with my coworkers.


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