Diego the Idiot Detective is a little bit like Beetlejuice. If someone conjures his name, he will appear. Yesterday Ronni mentioned True Detective Stories, and a half hour later, *poof*, Diego sent me a text message.
I only receive text messages from Diego when he 1. screws something up and doesn’t want it to get out, 2. he wants something to eat, or 3. he wants to ask how you’re doing, so he can parlay that into him talking about himself for an hour. Yesterday, it was curtain number three.
Yesterday was cold and rainy here, but I have been cycling every day since I started getting past the Wuhan Flu. I was about to head out when Diego sent me a text message, which read: “How are you feeling?”
Now, I don’t want to be an a-hole – although I’ll power through it – but I tested positive on March 25th, after four previous days of misery. Everyone knew I was sick, and knew so for three weeks. Three coworkers and my lieutenant checked up on me, for which I’m thankful, but that was it. Why Diego bothered to send me a text the day before I went back to work was a mystery.
I told him I was fine and I would be in work Tuesday morning (today). Diego replied that he has been back for a week or so now, and that’s when it hit me.
You see, I’m fairly sure I got this round of Wu-Flu first. A day or so afterward, a female detective caught it – she continues to claim I “gave it to her.” The squad was trying to deal with two detectives being out sick, and a few days later Diego claimed he “passed out” while down at court…
(First of all, if he passed out at court, I would have heard the rumble at my house. Second, if he passed out, he wouldn’t have been able to drive home. But fine, he “passed out” due to Covid, even though I know of no one who passed out when they caught the virus.)
Diego was a drama queen about everything. He had the Wu-Flu, he was going to be out for weeks, yadda, yadda, yadda. He claimed he tested positive for Covid a few days after my test. As I was pondering this bull crap, I realized, “Diego tested positive around the first of April, and he was back after a week? That doesn’t seem right.”
I mean, I guess he could have defeated Covid in a week, but he weighs nearly 275 pounds, and sweats when he eats. I am in decent shape – 182 pounds! – and I felt like I was dying for two full weeks.
Personally, I think Diego lied about the entire incident. If he passed out at court, someone would have called an ambulance. If he had Covid, there is no way that tug of goo would get through it in one week. The city gives employees a lot of leeway when someone claims they either caught the Wu-Flu, was near someone who was positive, etc. They let you take time off with no penalty, and if your test is positive, you just come back to work.
I think Diego wanted a few days off, concocted this ridiculous story, and gave himself a fabulous week of vacation.