True Detective Stories

Today is my third day back at work after the Chinese Wuhan Virus made me much skinnier, so I figured I’d update everyone on the shenanigans.

The New Computer System. The new computer system has been a worry of mine for a while, because I just knew I wouldn’t be here when it was up and running. I assumed I’d be recovering from shoulder surgery, but the Wuhan got to me first. My first impression is the system isn’t as awful as I imagined. Everything is new, and there are still a lot of bugs – the search feature is a mess – but otherwise, it’s user friendly and it doesn’t crash every ten minutes.

Of course, since this is a big city police department, the bosses refuse to accept progress. I need to use the new system for entering and assigning jobs, but I also need to enter them not once, not twice, but thrice. Why? Because the upper echelon refuse to remove the outdated systems.

For example, if an officer brings in a domestic arrest – which happened earlier today – I have to enter the job into Premier One, THEN enter it again into an XL spreadsheet, THEN enter it into the outdated Deskman System. It’s not a big deal during daywork when we’re slow, but on a Friday night in the summer, this will be a disaster…

Riots Are Coming Back. Speaking of disasters, we have been informed that starting as early as today, the city may change our tour from eight hours to twelve hours, as well as canceling approved vacation days and regular days off. Why, you ask? Because the blue cities are welcoming the Saint George Floyd rioters.


The best part about this is the city can cancel our days off indefinitely because “emergency powers.”

Diego. Finally, I heard Diego the Idiot Detective’s “Covid” story yesterday – or his completely false bastardized version of it. The other day, Diego was telling people he passed out at court, tested positive, and was back in a week. Yesterday, he “modified” his version… for the worse.

Yesterday Diego was telling people in the squad that he wasn’t feeling well, passed out at court, and went to the doctor’s. (Not sure how he drove after passing out, but whatever.) Diego claimed his doctor is a Trump supporter – why he said that is beyond me – and after testing positive, his doctor gave him Hydroxychloroquine, and he was magically cured in three – THREE! – days.

Now I’m no doctor, but I did have the Chinese Wuhan Virus. I’m in decent shape – much better than Diego – and I was really sick for two full weeks. I guess it is possible for him to recover after three days, but it’s also possible he’s a lying douche.

1,296 days.

6 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. He sounds like my dead ex-boyfriend. Anything someone had (illness wise) he had it worse. Any disease going around? He was running to the doctor to be tested for it every couple of months. He just knew he had AIDS because his ex wife was a sl*t (his words) & so was his ex fiancé.


  2. Most of us learn that elaborate lies for why we missed work only work when you do it once in a great while, if you do it more often the boss understands you’re a liar.
    Of course, Diego has job security considering how many officers are leaving.
    Which scares me.


  3. Ronni – Always a smart choice.

    MelP – Diego likes to walk up to people having a conversation and immediately start a story while others are talking.

    Veeshir – We’re expecting riots this weekend for Saint George’s verdict, so that’ll keep him busy.


  4. Wyatt,

    Final arguments for the Derek Chauvin trial are scheduled for Monday. The jury will probably start deliberations Monday after they get sequestered. Riots on Wednesday?

    Lieutenant Potter was charged with Second Degree Manslaughter today. The highly intelligent mob still wants her lynched. They are still protesting at the Brooklyn Center Police Department. Fewer protesters today. Also less stupid crap tonight like throwing water bottles, rocks, and crap at the police.

    The Hennepin County Sheriff sent a WTF? letter to the Brooklyn Center government asking them if they really wanted any mutual aid? BC Council passed a resolution banning their police from using tear gas and rubber bullets. Sheriff Hutcheson doesn’t want his people to be the fall guys for excessive force complaints.

    Believe it or not? Minnesota Governor Walz actually defended the big deployments of the MN NG, and the use of tear gas, mace and arrests. I guess they can’t blame Trump anymore? They sure as heck cannot blame Senile Joe and Kneepads


  5. RD – This is going to sound awful, but I don’t care about what the blue cities do – including my own. Obviously, I’d rather the people not suffer for this, but the politicians let this continue for at least a half a year in 2020. The riots are here to stay, and it has nothing to do with Saint George Floyd or anyone else. It has to do with inner city residents getting their free shite.

    I will likely be working 12-hour shifts and having my days off – and vacation – canceled because no blue mayor has the stones to confront these ass-clowns.

    I hope you and your family is safe, but honestly, every single city which embraces this can burn to the ground.


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